the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

Six (Or Another Reason I’m in Therapy)

six.jpg 

Last night, I awoke from a dream at 3AM.  I couldn’t fall back asleep because my mind was working overtime, trying to decipher one of mankind’s greatest secret since the Celestine Prophecy:

How many women can one man make love to at one time?

As someone who took AP Calculus in high school, I used my math skills to come upon the number SIX:  a man can — with no tools other than his body — make love to six women at once — with his penis, his mouth, his right hand, his left hand, his right foot, and his left foot.    This seems to be the man’s physical limit, unless he has some unusual appendage, like a third hand. 

As if wasting my time on this scenario wsn’t crazy enough, I spent another hour drawing “mathematical charts” and “architectural blueprints” to verify this important discovery to myself.

44 Comments

  1. chez beziat

    A man with a dildo taped to his stomach would have the edge.

    Now who’s the blogger in need of therapy? 😉

  2. Finn

    With his foot? No thank you…

  3. Finn

    Oh, and the advantage most certainly goes to the man who can make love to one woman very, very well. Because if you can’t do that, you’re going to have six very pissed off ladies on your appendages.

  4. Tuck

    A wiggle with the nose on the right spot….well, wow. A secret favorite of Eskimos (but that might get me in trouble with your last blog…as in that sexy, mind-blowing, eskimo.)

  5. patois

    Dude, you so need to get out more often.

  6. Leesa

    So tell me more about the feet 😉

  7. Atomic Bombshell

    You’re nuts. Who makes love to a foot?!

  8. srah

    I can’t believe I’m putting this out there on the Internet, but what about the butt? Is the woman still “being made love to” if she’s the active partner?

  9. Therese

    HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

  10. V-Grrrl

    Oh Neil. Did I really need to read this on a Friday night when I’m sleeping with the cat? Sigh.

    I didn’t think my day could get more depressing.

    I’d settle for a hug from a stranger at this point, as long as it was a REAL hug.

    I will never, ever, ever settle for one sixth of a man’s attention.

  11. pocketCT

    If you are really interested is sheer numbers Neil don’t forgot the most fabulous erogenous zone in the body is the mind. Moreover this is accessible by talking and that could be to hoards of women…just don’t try to talk with your mouth full.

  12. Not Fainthearted

    I’m with V-Grrl.

    (feet???!? puh-leeze!)

  13. OMSH

    Just how big IS your big toe?

    And? You are a sick puppy – one that will entertain my husband when I show him this link tonight.

  14. Rattling The Kettle

    If you can do the Spock “live long and prosper” thing, you can probably handle two with each hand.

  15. MammaLoves

    Your hands and feet are very round.

  16. Danny

    Do you think your therapist might be able to see you twice a week for a while?

    (I can see this sketch going for $10,000 in a Sotheby’s auction.)

  17. Los Angelista

    Oh wow, I just fell off my chair over Rattling the Kettle’s comment! Whoo wee!

  18. By Jane

    I tuned in today determined to participate in one of the intellectual discussions that you get going. But, damn, I can’t think of a thing to say…..

  19. 180/360

    I don’t know any man that could multi-task like that!

  20. Bre

    I’m with Finn – the foot aspect is a bit off putting….

  21. sarah g

    haha, true true on 180/360; a man multi-task!??

  22. Neil

    MammaLove — Can’t you read a chart? Those round circles signify heads.

  23. sara lee

    ahhh Neil…I’ve missed you! So glad I checked you out today! Thanks for the Friday smile!

  24. psychomom

    What happens afterwards when they all want to cuddle?

    I want to see that on a Pie Chart.

    Ummmm Pie

  25. Richard Heft

    how big is Neil’s big toe? How big is his BED? If it’s anything less two kings shoved together, Neil’s going to have three women fall off the side, get bored and start rummaging through his clothes closet looking through his stuff.

  26. OMSH

    Then again … if there’s toe jam?? hmmmm…

    Clip your fingernails.

  27. scarlet hip

    Don’t forget the wenis.

  28. Lisa

    Ewww feet!! Are you trying to make me celibate??

  29. Neil

    Lisa, maybe you just haven’t tried the feet of the right guy?

  30. Michelle

    I read this post earlier today, and wasn’t sure what to say. Yeah…pretty much still there. I do like the way V-Grrrl used fractions though…well said. (I’m serious, it was clever!)

  31. Susieeq

    Ew. Excuse me while I go poke out my mind’s eye!

    Just kidding. Hilarious!

  32. JanePoe (aka Deborah)

    After having caught up on about the last seven or eight posts … this is what I’m left with, a stick-figure diagram of how many women you think you can boink at one time. Oy vey! JP/deb

  33. a life uncommon

    Feet? Now really? Hmmm…

  34. Neil

    JanePoe — Think of it more like a post exploring math and science.

  35. Not Fainthearted

    Neilochka, You’re tagged.

  36. Lilymane

    Wow Neil –
    You are nothing if not disturbing sometimes.
    First – I’m in the “eew, feet” crowd.
    Second – do you equate “make love to” exclusively with penetration?! Broaden your horizons man! (Just a little advice from a polyamorous, bi girl.)
    Peace.

  37. adena

    Now your next challenge is to find 6 women w/ no arms.

    You know, like your chart.

  38. churlita

    Um, I think the real question is how many women would sign up to be the one of six,and who decides who gets the mouth and who gets the toe? I don’t know many women who would sign up for the left or right toe scenario. I could be wrong though…

  39. Eileen

    Can you wiggle your ears? If so you might be able to add another two to the list.

  40. Pearl

    And if he’s cock-eyed, add two more women melting.

  41. Inarticulate Fumblings

    How big is your nose?

  42. Neil

    I thought of the nose… but too unrealistic…

  43. lotus07

    You need more therapy….the current round obviously isn’t working.

  44. stacy elaine

    this is perfect.

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