Despite the planting of the flowers, the ABBA record, etc., I’m glad to announce to you that I’m not gay. This shirtless guy seen above, featured on Cosmo’s website as some hottie, does absolutely nothing for me. What’s sexy about this guy? I don’t even understand what women see in men. In my eyes, men mostly look dumb, especially when they are posing half-naked.
Straight men rarely “look” at other men as “objects of beauty.” Women are more appreciative of each other’s attractiveness. When I was first dating Sophia, she would sometimes ask me if I thought some woman on the street was pretty. At the time, I thought she was testing me, so I always answered, “Nah. You are the prettiest.” Eventually, I learned that this wasn’t a ruse. She was genuinely interested in my opinion. She enjoyed looking at other women.. We could be watching “All My Children,” and Sophia will say, “Isn’t the new nurse at Pine Valley Hospital very pretty? I love her hair. Maybe I should get my hair done like that.” I don’t remember ME ever asking Sophia if she thought some guy was sexy. Straight men don’t think about how other men look. They care about what car they drive.
As a experiment today, I went to Starbucks and surreptitiously checked out other men, trying to figure out if I could find a man “sexy” in a aesthetic, non-sexual way. It didn’t work. It didn’t matter if the guy was young or old, thin or fat, he was pretty much just a guy. There was one guy who walked into Starbucks wearing tight jeans and had a nice hard ass, but so what! It didn’t make me want to go on a date with him. And that whole “checking out a man’s package” when he’s wearing pants is a total myth. I tried it in Starbucks, and you can’t tell anything!
Anyway, I just wanted to report back to you.
Neil’s Penis: This post is clearly a cry for help seeing that it is 4AM and Neilochka just woke up after having a very erotic dream involving himself, two unnamed female bloggers, and a shag carpet… and he wanted to remind the Blogosphere that, yes, he does like f***ing women!
Neil: OK, I lied about not finding any men good-looking. George Clooney is sexy in a Cary Grant way. I still wouldn’t date him.
A Year Ago on Citizen of the Month: Neilochka Shirtless!
clearly you’ve determined that most of your readers don’t find the pictured male very attractive. some are even questioning his sexual orientation, and others are even wondering if he’s human or perhaps part zombie. way to get a discussion going!
thanks for visiting my place, by the way. i’d be honored if you decided to stick around for a while. i notice you read lilit in stereo – did you find me through her?
You should go to the burlesque carwash instead of Starbucks!
The problem with the nipples is that they are pointing down – he needs headlights to look right.
Also, why are you checking out whether the guy shaves his pubic hair? This concerns me.
Sorry, this post is offensive to me. If you replace the descriptor gay w black or jewish or senior citizen or latino or other minority, you will quickly see my point.
What if you are gay? Does it matter? Do you care if some people are hung up on another person’s sexual orientation? I have stopped by your blog because you have a good sense of humor, and you describe so well how small events and gigantic ones are important and meaningful to you that they become interesting to me. Here in this post, you seem to imply that there is something wrong, unlikable, uncool, or otherwise not good about being gay. If this isn’t a point you are making, what is the point of the title and content of the post?
Tamar… oy. I’m not even sure where to begin. I apologize if I hurt your feelings. I would never imply that being gay is wrong, unlikable, uncool, or not good. IN, LA, being gay IS COOL. I’m only mentioning my heterosexuality to my female readers in case they decide that to continue sending their panties and bras to me is just useless and a waste of postage, considering the content of some of my recent posts. In fact, I think the post suggests that being gay isn’t a lifestyle, but something you are born with. I can stare at the asses of men in Starbucks for days while listening to ABBA on my iPod and never really become gay, no matter how tight my tank-top fits me.
You should know that one of my best friends is gay, or rather a former best-friend. He got a little tired of me, thinking me “too gay.”
But, honestly, Tamar, I really appreciate you speaking up for what you believe in.
Neil, Sugar, that fella ain’t go nothing on you and does absolutely nothing for me. I like my men to be men, not boys on steroids. Give me Benicio Del Toro or Neilochka Kramer any day of the week. Yum…
am i the only one who’s curious about the female blogger on the shag rug?
grrrs
make that bloggerrrs on the shag rug.
grrr.
Thanks for your email and for adding here that you “would never imply that being gay is wrong, unlikable, uncool, or not good.” I, who do not live in LA, enjoy your humor most when you laugh at yourself, your issues, and your stuff.
There was something in the air that night, the stars were bright, Fernando.
Dear Neil and Neil’s Penis,
Glad you are both alive and well. Even if you were gay, I’d still love ya’ in a semi-non-sexual-fag-hag sort of way. But I do think you both rock in an Abba-dum dum diddle-does your mother know-flower-lovin’-sensitive-hetero-funny-guy kinda way too. Much peace and love, JP
p.s. I think I’ve even confused myself with this comment. xx, jp
Guys seldom compare other guys in the looks dept. We ladies do that. We like to compare appearances. GUys usually compare
1) Length
2) Success (in terms of $$)
Oy! Thanks for the announcement!
That guy in the pic has nothing on you with that big ol’ fish. In fact, the guy in that pic does nothing for me but I gave up reading Cosmo ages ago. He just looks half-naked with a fondness for nipple clamps or cold and a bit too bland
Helen — another myth. Men don’t think too much about length either. The worry about money and position. I think when men get older that’s why they sometimes go for a younger trophy wife because it signifies these things.
I’m sorry…did I give you permission to use my photograph?
1st timer here. Came over from LA Daddy.
uhm well for starters, the vein on his lower abs is extremely hot