Citizen of the Month

the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

Rich Man, Hot Babe

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I’ve never done speed dating before, but I know I would be good at it. I’m an immensely interesting person for one minute, and then I become a total bore, so with speed dating, I could capture a woman’s attention before she saw “the real me.” Also, since the woman finds it OK to interact with me for just one minute, I assume she won’t be rattled by my perennial problem of premature ejaculation. She’ll already be used to me making it through one minute, and then the conversation is over.

New York can be a tough place to meet someone, and speed dating is popular in the Big Apple. I was especially intrigued by this new form of speed dating that I read about on Zandria’s site.   The sponsors included New York Magazine and was titled the “Natural Selection Speed Date” — Rich Guys and Hot Girls.  The application requirements were very specific:

Men (solely based on wealth)

Salary:

  • Age 25 or below $200K +
  • Age 26-30 $300K +
  • Age 30+ $500K +
  • Invested Assets: $1 million +
  • Trust: $4 million +

*Men will be asked to provide documented proof

Ticket Price $500

Women (solely based on beauty)

  • 5 pictures will be submitted for judgment by celebrity Matchmaker Janis Spindel
  • Pictures are judged for beauty
  • No additional information will be accepted

Ticket Price $50

The first meet-up took place two weeks ago in a Upper East Side supper club. Now, if you’re expecting me to be all P.C. and all, and call this disgusting, I’m not. The company’s website makes a compelling case for this type of natural selection:

[Our company] is honoring the age old union of wealthy men and hot girls. Society has taught us to not publicly acknowledge the obvious – no longer dear friends. Women want money in a man, men want beauty in a woman – this is a factual force of nature. Women don’t ask “So, what does he do for a living?” because they’re interested in his personality and guys don’t ask “is she hot?” because they’re concerned with character. Guys know that money buys them the car, the house and the trophy wife. This genetic cleansing is how the wealthy stay beautiful.

My main problem is that the match-ups don’t adhere to true scientific testing. The qualifications for the men can be easily documented, but the choosing of the women seems as rigged as a Russian figure-skating event.

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First of all, is Ms. Spindel really that qualified to judge what I find beautiful?

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And does she just pick stereotypical-looking blonds like I might see on FOX drama as CIA agents? Where are the hot Asian chicks? Where are the slightly-eccentric looking redheads who you just know will show you a wild time? Look at the three women that Ms. Spindel considers beautiful.

#1 — Eh. Looks like my cousin Miriam.

#2 — Flat as a board and thinning hair.

#3 — She is OK, but has a pig nose. She also looks like she is very quiet when she has an orgasm.

Of course, if I were drunk and lonely and “American Idol” wasn’t on TV, I wouldn’t say no to any of these women saying, “Neilochka, let’s ****!” (this does not include Ms. Spindel, no offense… she just seems like she would be too aggressive). But are they THAT BEAUTIFUL? For five hundred bucks and opening up my bank records, I would expect more. I could easily come up with a list of BLOGGERS who are prettier than these women. Just go on Flickr, which is my new pornography.

I think many of my problems with Sophia are based on our total disregard for the rule of “Natural Selection.” After all she is beautiful, but I’m not rich. If the world worked perfectly, she would be with someone rich.

But alas, I’m not rich. Only beautiful. Why can’t I exploit my beauty as much as women? Maybe I was destined to be with a rich but ugly woman. After all, that still maintains the idea of natural selection. Are there any speed-dating services for rich, ugly women and beautiful, poor men? It’s the same principle of Natural Selection, just updated for the twenty-first century — I’m all for the equality of the sexes!

If a woman was really rich, I could deal with her being ugly. Hopefully, not THAT ugly. I mean it would bother me if she had warts all over her face. But then again, if she was rich… and let me feel her up while watching TV… hey, why not? It’s natural selection!

(Update: After reading some more about this, I’m beginning to think the speed-dating service was less a legitimate operation than a crass way to create some publicity through an actual speed-dating event. By creating a dating scenario as ugly as possible, they were able to get media attention from both the networks and bloggers like me. Now, they are in talks with VH1 about doing a show about this concept.  I look forward to seeing what advertisers want to get involved in a project that uses terms such as natural selection and genetic cleansing.  What fun!  So, I am now going to take out most of the links and names in hope of not giving them any more publicity)

36 Comments

  1. If I hadn’t just read an article about this myself, I would have assumed you were making this up. Honestly, sometimes I fully understand why some Islamic fundamentalists think we are the soulless pawns of Satan. While I don’t want to deny that bank accounts and beauty have an impact on many relationships, to approach it so explicitly strikes me as a new pinnacle of moral depravity. I also heard the tail end of a report on NPR yesterday about how there’s a big crisis in Japan because there are so many more “A” women than “A” men so many are remaining single rather than “settle” on B- or C-men. I didn’t hear the exact qualifications for this list but am quite certain that I would be light years away from an “A” designation in Japan. May those so-called A women live the rest of their lives friendless and alone and leave us nice C guys in peace!

  2. am i supposed to read the newspaper before i come here, that’s not going to happen this week.
    i do think that donald’s wife is the smartest one yet, the older he gets (and closer to death!) the younger and prettier they get. but then again, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, right?

  3. You go, Neil! I, too, am not rich, but am exceedingly beautiful. Perhaps all my problems are due to the fact that my wife is not fabulously wealthy.

    It’s tough to be us.

  4. Hey, I like the one who looks like your cousin Miriam.

  5. How funny. I must not be a real woman, because I don’t want a rich guy – they always seem to use money as power. I also don’t care what anyone looks like. Is there a dating agency where they screen the daters for a sense of humor and whether they are kind or not? Nope. I guess not.

  6. Will someone please do something with his hair already. I drives me crazy! I want to hold him down and recomb it or shave it. Does rich man = bad hair?

  7. Well, if there’s a market for it…I guess it just facilitates something that happens anyway — and the people who go aren’t pretending they’re looking for anything but what they’re looking for! Interestingly, though, I read about something similar — but for rich women and boy-toys — and the women had to make a LOT more to be considered rich.

  8. Psychomom, there is hope for his hair. If things don’t go his way on Monday night wrestling, not that I watch it but I do see the ads, apparently he will have to have his head shaved. One can only hope.

    And obviously I need to move to New York so that I can find folks just as crass as I am.

  9. Hm-m-m-m, I’m not so sure. Have you taken a good hard look at Ivanka Trump? Her mom wasn’t taht bad, but Ivanka seems to be evidence that the gene pool’s a little shallow.

  10. Okay, now I’m curious, is he going to wrestle? I know I like to get him in a head lock and give him a big noogie.

  11. I’ve totally got #3 beat by a mile in my fuzzy robe and 10-year-old socks. Now that I looked at the picture again, I could take them all on wearing mom jeans and my son’s baseball team sweatshirt.

  12. bloody hell. if this is all true, the human race is *doomed*

  13. Well Neil, money won’t keep the bed warm. (Ask any woman who’s married to a wealthy man, who’s not very interesting or inventive). But I suppose there’s something to be said for people expressing exactly how shallow they are in what they’re looking for in a partner- saves everyone a lot of time.

  14. Where are the hot Asian chicks?

    We’re down here in Miami. It’s 82 degrees here today. HEH.

  15. Ha ha. My beloved tell-it-like-it-is radio personality, Tom Leykis, did an hour on this when the story first broke. I find it fascinating, if nauseating. Frankly, I say knock yerself out, on both sides: if this is what you want, we’re all better off if you go find each other and leave the rest of us alone.

    Natural selection, indeed.

  16. I’m not beautiful (but no warts) and my hub isn’t rich. We’re happy. I have friends married to rich men and, aside from being happy with the stuff they have, not a one of them is what I consider happy. On the other hand, all the men I know with younger, beautiful wives do seem pretty darn happy. Perhaps women think they can live a totally shallow existence, but find out they can’t while men think they can live being shallow and it’s fine! I wonder…

  17. Yeah, I’m apparently not a real woman either, since I’d much prefer that my imaginary prince charming have… oh… perhaps a personality?

  18. You can call me, 'Sir'

    February 22, 2007 at 1:09 pm

    I suppose if we lived in a world where people don’t age and sh*t didn’t occassionally hit life’s fan, hooking up the richest with the most beautiful would work everytime. But then throw in a stock market crash or some random accident involving acid and they collapse like a cheap umbrella. A guy who can lose everything and not give up and a girl who can deal with being horribly disfigured by acid….now there’s a match made in heaven. I think I just discovered another speed dating niche.

  19. does anyone wonder why a dude with $1 million in assets and a $4 million trust would need to go to golddigger speed dating? because they’re total nerds.

  20. this post had me snorting at my desk- ha! i love that flickr is your new pornography. priceless neil.

  21. Wendy — I was surprised by how much Sophia agreed with your thesis. Are you saying that women actually care about the relationship while men are basically OK living with a dolt as long as she is pretty?

    Sandra — Am I too old now to apply for the job as boy-toy? Aging man-toy just doesn’t have the same sexy ring to it.

  22. Damn, I was already to go into business with sugardaddy and sugarmama.com, but they already exist.

  23. No, I am still not send you naked pictures, you perv!

    Really, I think it’s a great idea, and why fight nature? But what is beautiful is sometimes discovered later … and some people just aren’t photogenic.

    Me, on the other hand … I am photogenic

    http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/5055/1271/1600/TGiving%20006.1.jpg

    but quite pig-like in actuality.

    Hmmm, maybe I should speed date …

    pigwoman seeks young, bendy, poor boy to wash her floors as she commands him?

  24. I second Communicatrix! Better to filter out these soulless individuals and leave them to themselves. Tidies up the place for the rest of us.

  25. I think Spinning Girl is now going to get a lot more male readers.

    Nance — I have less of a problem with the shallow concept of the dating service than with the idea of letting someone choose someone “beautiful” for me. Maybe it could be advertised more honestly as “rich men who still can’t get a date despite being rich, which means SOMETHING IS WRONG” and “single women considered attractive by the general populace, but who are not very successful in their own lives so they are willing to sleep with dorky men because they have money.”

  26. Did you say, premature ejaculation?

  27. What’s the problem. Therapydoc? You might have all night to lounge around in bed, but I like to finish quickly and get back to blogging. Isn’t part of “The Secret” keeping the focus on your goals?

  28. (Update: After reading some more about this, I’m beginning to think the speed-dating service was less a legitimate operation than a crass way to create some publicity through an actual speed-dating event. By creating a dating scenario as ugly as possible, they were able to get media attention from both the networks and bloggers like me. Now, they are in talks with VH1 about doing a show about this concept.  I look forward to seeing what advertisers  want to get involved in a project that uses terms such as natural selection and genetic cleansing.  What fun!  So, I am now going to take out most of the links and names in hope of not giving them any more publicity)

  29. Expletive! I know NOTHING about this secret you speak of. Is this kaballah or something? Something tells me, No.

    Seriously, I would never put you down for PE. It’s efficient, you are correct, and makes one of you happy, perhaps both of you happy, which, by the way, is par.

  30. I heard about this. Makes me retch. Those girls are fugly. Do gentlemen really prefer blondes?

    There are no hot Asian girls because we’re all too busy maxing out our 401ks and plotting our takeover of the universe to waste our time registering for a site like that. Phooey on them.

  31. Jeez, I wish I didn’t make that premature ejaculation joke. It’s a joke! Sophia may disagree with you, but to me, it’s a joke! Ha Ha (uncomfortable laughter)

  32. I know a slightly eccentric redhead chick, but does she like Ivy League, financially-impaired, orgasm-oriented blogger dudes?

  33. Yeah, were is that redhead?

    I’m at least as pretty as #3. Or is it Ms. Spindel?

    Anyway, honey, if I had lots of money, I’d marry you… 😉

  34. Sticks and stones….I think all of the women are attractive. My peeve is that Brains…(oops did I say a bad word) in the form of smarts or wits or both, makes a woman beautiful. Power (oops again) makes a woman attractive.

    The part that got me was that only photos were submitted..no other criteria allowed. Who do that attract? Women who feel that their looks are the most important thing they have going for them. I like women who are fierce…oh, and by the way, kinda gorgeous too.

    But sorry, I can’t get into the name calling..does no good for no one.

    And Neil, in a pinch..you would do each and every one of them..even the madame. You know it…You’re optimistic at heart!

  35. Oh yeah, and it makes sense for the men too… The one’s who see their most important worth in $$$$ signs..are obviously not mining really deeply when looking for a mate.So it makes sense that they look for the latest “must have” accessory to add to their coleection. Win Win for both. Both like to be seen. Both constanly feed this need. For this type of person, makes perfect sense.

  36. I just noticed that you found that speed-dating link via my site. It’s always nice to provide blog-fodder for someone else. 🙂

    I’m not surprised that they’re trying to create a reality show, but hasn’t that concept been done before?

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