the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

Tag: New York Magazine

Rich Man, Hot Babe


I’ve never done speed dating before, but I know I would be good at it. I’m an immensely interesting person for one minute, and then I become a total bore, so with speed dating, I could capture a woman’s attention before she saw “the real me.” Also, since the woman finds it OK to interact with me for just one minute, I assume she won’t be rattled by my perennial problem of premature ejaculation. She’ll already be used to me making it through one minute, and then the conversation is over.

New York can be a tough place to meet someone, and speed dating is popular in the Big Apple. I was especially intrigued by this new form of speed dating that I read about on Zandria’s site.   The sponsors included New York Magazine and was titled the “Natural Selection Speed Date” — Rich Guys and Hot Girls.  The application requirements were very specific:

Men (solely based on wealth)


  • Age 25 or below $200K +
  • Age 26-30 $300K +
  • Age 30+ $500K +
  • Invested Assets: $1 million +
  • Trust: $4 million +

*Men will be asked to provide documented proof

Ticket Price $500

Women (solely based on beauty)

  • 5 pictures will be submitted for judgment by celebrity Matchmaker Janis Spindel
  • Pictures are judged for beauty
  • No additional information will be accepted

Ticket Price $50

The first meet-up took place two weeks ago in a Upper East Side supper club. Now, if you’re expecting me to be all P.C. and all, and call this disgusting, I’m not. The company’s website makes a compelling case for this type of natural selection:

[Our company] is honoring the age old union of wealthy men and hot girls. Society has taught us to not publicly acknowledge the obvious – no longer dear friends. Women want money in a man, men want beauty in a woman – this is a factual force of nature. Women don’t ask “So, what does he do for a living?” because they’re interested in his personality and guys don’t ask “is she hot?” because they’re concerned with character. Guys know that money buys them the car, the house and the trophy wife. This genetic cleansing is how the wealthy stay beautiful.

My main problem is that the match-ups don’t adhere to true scientific testing. The qualifications for the men can be easily documented, but the choosing of the women seems as rigged as a Russian figure-skating event.


First of all, is Ms. Spindel really that qualified to judge what I find beautiful?


And does she just pick stereotypical-looking blonds like I might see on FOX drama as CIA agents? Where are the hot Asian chicks? Where are the slightly-eccentric looking redheads who you just know will show you a wild time? Look at the three women that Ms. Spindel considers beautiful.

#1 — Eh. Looks like my cousin Miriam.

#2 — Flat as a board and thinning hair.

#3 — She is OK, but has a pig nose. She also looks like she is very quiet when she has an orgasm.

Of course, if I were drunk and lonely and “American Idol” wasn’t on TV, I wouldn’t say no to any of these women saying, “Neilochka, let’s ****!” (this does not include Ms. Spindel, no offense… she just seems like she would be too aggressive). But are they THAT BEAUTIFUL? For five hundred bucks and opening up my bank records, I would expect more. I could easily come up with a list of BLOGGERS who are prettier than these women. Just go on Flickr, which is my new pornography.

I think many of my problems with Sophia are based on our total disregard for the rule of “Natural Selection.” After all she is beautiful, but I’m not rich. If the world worked perfectly, she would be with someone rich.

But alas, I’m not rich. Only beautiful. Why can’t I exploit my beauty as much as women? Maybe I was destined to be with a rich but ugly woman. After all, that still maintains the idea of natural selection. Are there any speed-dating services for rich, ugly women and beautiful, poor men? It’s the same principle of Natural Selection, just updated for the twenty-first century — I’m all for the equality of the sexes!

If a woman was really rich, I could deal with her being ugly. Hopefully, not THAT ugly. I mean it would bother me if she had warts all over her face. But then again, if she was rich… and let me feel her up while watching TV… hey, why not? It’s natural selection!

(Update: After reading some more about this, I’m beginning to think the speed-dating service was less a legitimate operation than a crass way to create some publicity through an actual speed-dating event. By creating a dating scenario as ugly as possible, they were able to get media attention from both the networks and bloggers like me. Now, they are in talks with VH1 about doing a show about this concept.  I look forward to seeing what advertisers want to get involved in a project that uses terms such as natural selection and genetic cleansing.  What fun!  So, I am now going to take out most of the links and names in hope of not giving them any more publicity)

This is NOT a Blog Anymore


Over the weekend, I purposely avoided reading blogs written by women in order to explore the world of male blogging.

Here are a few of my insights:

1) Too many men write about too many boring subjects — like computer technology, politics, gadgets, business news, and management styles.   Ironically, these are the most popular sites on the web and  make up most of the Technorati 100.

2) Blogs are getting BIG in the business world.  Companies from Microsoft to Tivo all want to market their products with a “human” face by having a “blog.”   Some even suggest that Walmart should start blogging.

IBM is getting into blogging in a big way.  According to CNN:

IBM thinks blogging is the next wave in marketing, and it’s preparing its employees to ride that wave, according to a published report.

With an eye on blogging’s potential to influence future employees and business partners, the technology bellwether began offering blogging tools to its workers six months ago, according to

“Other companies have fired people for blogging, but IBM is encouraging it,” Christopher Barger, IBM’s unofficial “blogger in chief,” said in the report.

According to, IBM employees who blog are advised to follow the company’s business  code of conduct, respect copyright laws and to not reveal proprietary information.

The report said IBM now has 15,000 registered internal bloggers, and more than 2,200 of those workers publish external blogs.

My childhood friend, Tuck, works for IBM in New York.  I asked him today what his IBM blog was going to be about.

“I have no idea.  LAN administration?”

“Can you show pictures of your cute son on your IBM blog?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Do you know if any hot IBM women will be blogging?”

“There’s a really good-looking redhead who works in financial services, but her blog is mostly about accounting software.”

“Any photos of her on her blog?”


“Well, thanks for the info.  My readers will appreciate it.  I’m looking forward to your first post.”

3) Some bloggers are making money.   Did you know that if you have some specific skill or expertise you can pitch your blog idea to one of the blog networks?  This will get you a lot more exposure — and maybe some money down the road.

Unfortunately, you have to have some expertise in something.  And you have to write about the same subject every day.  And if your blog is supposed to be about “Sports Equipment,” you can’t decide to write about, say — your wife.

4)  Because of the growth of blogging, the concept of a “blog” is changing.  Readers are expecting a blog to be about “something.”  IBM employees will write about IBM products.  Defamer and Gawker will write about celebrities and the media.  Engadget will write about gadgets.

So, where does this leave bloggers like most of us who write mostly nonsense?  You know, those of us who write about what we had for breakfast today?

When I started blogging several months ago, this is what I thought a blog was.  Now, I see that blogging is being usurped by those who want to say something, market something, or sell something.

Soon, a BLOG will have a whole new meaning, one associated with real-life issues.

That’s why, from now on, I don’t consider “Citizen of the Month” a blog anymore.

From now on, I will think of “Citizen of the Month” as a “Shpritz.”

shpritz:  a short spray of seltzer from a seltzer bottle

Every day, I will write a daily Shpritz.

And like a shpritz from a bottle, a literary shpritz will spray you in the face to get your attention, but it will never, ever stain your clothes.

Good-bye, blog.  Hello, Shpritz.

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