Mister Valentine’s Day

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A year ago this week, I wrote a post titled, “Today, We Are All Valentine’s Losers.” In it, I made a offer to my readers. If they revealed in the comments that they were a “Valentine’s Day” Loser (meaning the only card they get is from their mother), I (OR Sophia) would send them a personalized Valentine’s Day email on February 14th in order to give them some love.

It was a great success.

Afterwards, a friendly blogger asked me why I chose to spend my time caring for others who may be less fortunate than myself.

Hold onto your seats because this is going to shock you — I have not always been so lucky to have a beautiful woman at my side on Valentine’s Day (that is if she doesn’t kick me out by next week). Yes, I’ve been there in the past. I clearly remember the shame and misery of being alone on Valentine’s Day.

But times have changed for me. Yes, sir! Now, Valentine’s Day is not about sadness and isolation. It is all about STRESS and INSECURITY. Do you know hard it is for me to deal with Valentine’s Day AND Sophia’s Birthday all in the SAME WEEK?! And I’m always doing something to screw things up. I mean really, what’s wrong with getting flowers on February 15th when the prices are 40% less than the day before?!

Still, I would like to do my part and reach out to those who get down on themselves this time of year, even though the unattached should should be celebrating that you DON’T have to go to some overpriced restaurant. But I understand human nature. The grass is always greener.

I was going to send emails again to whoever wanted it, but I changed my mind. I’d like to do things differently this year.

And I need your help.

Although I recently said I hate IM, I think it also has potential for good, so today I registered for the Yahoo IM account mister_valentinesday. It will only be open for one day, Valentine’s Day. On that day, any lovelorn person can come by and get an “I love you” from a REAL LIVE PERSON, sort of the equivalent of “V-day customer service,” or a “suicide hotline for depressed single people on February 14th.”

But I can’t do it alone. I can’t sit on IM all day. What if no one shows up? But being a generous soul, I still think it is worth it, even if it is just ONE person. But I can only give three hours of my time. So, I would like MORE bloggers to volunteer to take three hour shifts that day on mister_valentinesday. That way, ANYONE who gets too depressed at ANY TIME from 8AM-5PM, can come and get some real live love.

Imagine the scenario —

It is February 14th. You are in your cubicle, your eyes bloodshot from crying all night after you heard that your ex-boyfriend is getting married to your former best friend. Meanwhile, all the men in the office are flirting with the blond in the cubicle next to you and giving her Valentine’s Day cards. Several of her suitors have even sent her bouquets of flowers, and even the delivery guy from FTD asks for her phone number. Cute stuffed animals are all over her desk. And what’s on your desk? — paperwork, a diet Coke, some donuts from Krispy Kreme that will put you over your Weight Watchers point level for the next three months, and a photo of your ex-boyfriend who is marrying your former best friend.

You are at your lowest.

You overhear the phone conversation of some male co-worker sitting nearby, talking to his wife, saying, “I love you honeykins, my little muffinhead… I love you more than the whole wide world!”

You decide your life is worthless. You’re never going to find your soul mate. Even your cats have begun to ignore you. You decide to go into the women’s bathroom, tie a bunch of pantyliners together, and hang yourself with them.

But wait — didn’t you read on Citizen of the Month about some IM address that will be available ALL DAY where someone LIVE will say “I love you” to cheer you up? A yahoo IM address of mister_valentinesday?

“I have a reason to live” you yell, standing at attention. “Someone does love me!”

If WE can help just one blogger on Valentine’s Day, our work will be done. Any volunteers who want to donate three hours of their time?

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57 Responses to Mister Valentine’s Day

  1. Pingback: Jurgen Nation . Com » I Could, But Eh. I Won’t.

  2. ExpatJane says:

    I’m not ashamed because I’ve been busy avoiding all men lest I get my heart broken again. I’m “In Repair” as Johy Mayer says.

    Therefore, since my cat is the only living being that loves me, I will be hitting up mister_valentinesday on Yahoo! Messenger for love.

  3. Karl says:

    Great idea, dude. I’m such a Valentine’s loser.

  4. Imogen says:

    Neil, your V-day idea is so thoughtful it hurts (probably not more than being single once more on the 14th, but still…)

    Not sure if you’ve found anyone to take over the later shifts but, if not, I am in Europe and could help out.

    I was also thinking that since the whole blogging experience is “supranational” in nature, you might wanna keep that account active for longer, so as to be there for ppl on different time zones who may have stumbled onto this post…Just an idea…

    In any case, let me know if there’s sth I can do:)

  5. Pingback: Citizen of the Month » The Blogosphere’s Valentine’s Day Emergency Hotline

  6. Pingback: The Retropolitan Presents: Tales to Astonish!

  7. Becky says:

    Thanks for the smile on Feb 15. I have been single for six years and before that in a thoughtless marriage. Never have I been sent or given flowers at work or anywhere else, for my birthday OR V-day. This year I’m not single. I made little homemade cards for everyone, I got nothing. Only what I’ll get NEXT year. At the end of the day, my guy says…Wasn’t this the best Valentine’s EVER? What an ass. I’m hurt to say the least.

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