the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

The Kevin Federline Concert I Never Attended


This morning, I went to a local coffee shop to have some scrambled eggs and toast. Sophia and I used to go to this place all the time, but after they got a grouchy new manager, Sophia didn’t like it anymore. But I’m a creature of habit, so I sometimes still go there by myself.

When I sat down, Denise, the waitress, waved at me. She has spiky blond hair and has been working on her real estate certificate for seven years.

“Hey there!” she yelled “Haven’t seen you for a while!”

“Been busy.”

It was a lie. I just didn’t have the heart to tell her that Sophia was boycotting the coffee shop.

“You’re a celebrity around here.” she said, coming over to shake my hand. “We all saw you on TV last week.”

“You did?”

“In Long Beach. At that concert of Britney Spears ex-husband.”

I paused, giving myself enough time to scrunch my face in confusion.

“It was you AND your wife.” she continued. “They interviewed you. I recognized your accents. I called up Kathy and said, “Turn on Channel Five. Look who’s on TV!””

“Sorry. That wasn’t us.”

“Sure it was.”

“Maybe it was people who looked like us.”

Denise shook her head, confident in her opinion.

“No, no, no. It was Britney Spear’s ex-husband. What’s his name?”

“Kevin Federline?”

“That’s right. You were at the Kevin Federline concert in Long Beach.”

“I would have remembered that.”

“It was you AND your wife.”

“Maybe Sophia was out with another man.” I joked.

“If she was, it was with someone who looked and sounded just like you!”

Denise beckoned to another waitress.

“Kathy come here!” she screamed across the coffee shop. “Didn’t we see him and his wife on TV?”

“That’s right.” answered Kathy, as she came over, carrying two pots of coffee. “It was Britney Spear’s husband. I saw you being interviewed by the Asian woman on Channel Five.”

“Sorry. It wasn’t me.” I said, trying to make the statement as strong as possible.

“You’ve never been on Pine Avenue in Long Beach?” asked Denise

“I have.”

“So maybe you just don’t remember being at the concert.” she snapped back. “Men are like that. Were you drinking?”

“Men.” spoke Kathy. “Men don’t remember anything other than where to stick it in. Ask your wife. She’ll remember you going.”

“Nah.” I said, finally getting a little annoyed. “I’m pretty sure neither of us was there.”

“Ask her.” said Kathy rather sternly, as she poured me some more coffee. “It was you.”

Blog Flashback: When I was recognized as “Kirk” from the Gilmore Girls


  1. Hilly

    Geez that’s like the equivalent of them telling you that you ate a pile of shit over and over again, when you know you did not. What kind of person likes K-Fed? Of course, maybe you were so stunned by his awesomeness that you have blocked the whole thing from your memory? Could happen ;).

  2. Hilly

    Woo Hoo, I’m number one! I’m number one!

    Okay, done with the stalking.

  3. Sweet

    She’s probably right. I bet you just blocked it out since it was such a traumatic experience.

  4. psychomom

    Two Neils?
    There was some guy on TV the other day and he would find people’s look-a-like and take photos of them together. It is kind of spooky to know there are duplicates of us out there. That was one of the main reasons I wanted boys when I was pregnant. The thought of a little me running around scared the hell out of me.

  5. fringes

    Here’s my bet: the guy interviewed was so embarassed to be caught on tape at a K-Fed concert, he gave his name as Neil Kramer, the only other guy in L.A besides himself too wussy to say to his wife: I do not want to go to that concert, dear.

    He knew it was a believable alias. He knew the waitresses at the coffee shop both you and he frequent would fall for his ruse.

    You were set up.

  6. better safe than sorry

    lol, have you been drinking!!!
    maybe you should have been asking her that very question.
    btw, how was the concert? can we expect a review? maybe a pic?

  7. girl and dog

    Oh come on! Admit it, you looooove K-Fed!! 😉

  8. Brooke

    That’s the mortifying thing I’ve ever heard.

  9. Non-Highlighted Heather

    I’ve got one word for you. PopoZao.

  10. Charming, but single

    I’m going to be singing that damn Popozao song for the rest of the night now.

  11. Serena

    If you had gone to a K-Fed concert, I might have had to boycott you.

  12. Lefty

    Hey, Neil! I wasn’t at that K-Fed concert, too!

  13. jleeody

    I never would have guessed that you are a closet K-fed fan!
    My world is crumbling…

  14. Two Roads

    Does it seem strange that exactly a year ago you were also mistaken for someone else? Playing along sometimes is alot more fun than trying to insist it wasn’t you.

  15. Churlita

    Holy cow. You and Sophia both have evil twins. It’s funny that they’re together too. Unfortunately, your twins aren’t just evil, they have horrible taste.

  16. Killer

    I think I saw you and your wife at a Clay Aiken concert in Tennessee. I’m pretty sure it was you.

  17. V-Grrrl

    I actually like K-Fed more than Britney, of course, that’s not saying much…and the Superbowl commercial? I give it a 10.

  18. Blitz Krieg

    Come on Neil, we won’t think any less of you because you attended a Federline concert….at least not for long…..I’m embarassed for you.

  19. Jennifer

    Did you at least get his autograph???

  20. Neil

    If I WAS there, I would have gotten it.

  21. Danny

    Going to a Fed-Ex concert would be SO horrific it would almost make it a cool thing to do—like attending a Menudo concert or seeing Celine Dion’s Vegas show. I wish you HAD gone. Knowing how my memory is these days, and how we’re very close in age, I’m still not entirely convinced that it wasn’t you on TV.

  22. Lux Lisbon

    This often happens to me. My lack of remembering is usually caused by my intake of too much Rioja.

  23. Dagny

    I think you wanted us to know that you attended the Fed Ex concert but just couldn’t bring yourself to admit it.

  24. Finn

    Oh, come on, admit it, you’re a closet K-Fed fan. It’s OK, we all have our vices.

  25. august

    Oh my gosh. I had something similiar happen to me twice. You just gave me an idea for like 10 future posts!

  26. ms. sizzle

    “were you drinking” – that’s priceless. they sure do have a high opinion of men. i am picturing Flo from Mel’s Diner without the chewing gum.

  27. Kiki

    My husband, Bobby, has a doppleganger too; A local weatherman who cheated on his wife with another newscaster and they both left their respective spouses for each other. Bobby even knows her ex-husband, a local cop. He has told Bobby that he is much better looking than that weather guy. Hey, maybe you could get a copy of the tape from the tv station and see yourself for yourself. An interesting study in peception, don’t you think?

  28. EEK

    When K-fed played in Chicago a few months ago at House of Blues, they were forced to give away a lot of the tickets right before the show was starting in order to fill the audience.

    I was on my way to a happy hour with a few friends after work and one of the concert people kept harassing me outside to take a ticket. The price was right, but I really wanted a drink so I turned them down.

    My point is, if you’re still looking for that perfect Valentine’s gift and K-fed’s still playing in the area…you might be able to get yourself some free concert tickets.

  29. Karly

    Can’t imagine why your wife wouldn’t want to go to that coffee shop? The employees sound delightful!

  30. jamelah

    There’s no shame in admitting you love K-Fed.

  31. Akaky

    Damn, Neil, you finally got your fifteen minutes of fame and it wasnt even you. How surreal is that?

  32. Alexandra

    It WAS you. I also saw you there.

  33. Neil

    I had to look up that PopoZao reference. I had no idea what you were talking about.

  34. Non-Highlighted Heather

    I only know because I listen to Kevin and Bean on KROQ.

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