Citizen of the Month

the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

A Dull, Throwaway Post for NaBloPoMo

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Yesterday, I complained about NaBloPoMo and how difficult it is to post every single day AND comment elsewhere.   Of all the responses I received, I found this one from Mo to be the most interesting:

I think the fun of NaPoBloMo is the crappy posts. I love seeing inside my favorite bloggers a bit more- and what better than the stuff they come up with in order to write every day?…  it’s fun to break down the definition of your “perfect post”, and post things you would ordinarily dismiss. I think it helps expand us as bloggers/writers.

Hmmm… she might be right.   I don’t know why I’m so anal about my posts.   I’m not a perfectionist in anything else I do.  What’s so wrong with putting up crappy posts?  Am I so starved for attention that I fear abandonment if I started writing dull throwaway posts?  You wouldn’t abandon me, would you?  You’re my buddies now!  Right?

I have a friend who is really into improv acting classes.   Once, he invited Sophia and I to attend his group’s “showcase” night.   They were doing a “strict” form of improv that night which required the actors to be totally honest.  They were supposed to be “real” rather than be funny or do anything to pander to the audience.  

My friend loved this type of improvisation, but it was TORTURE being in the audience watching it.  The scenes went on forever.  The actors acted as if they were in real life.  Unfortunately, in real life, most people just go “uhhh” and stand around a lot.

But there is a lesson here.  Maybe if I ignore the audience, I will grow as a writer.   NaPoBloMo will be easier since I can be more “stream of consciousness.”   I wouldn’t worry about being “entertaining” and I can just ramble on about nothing even more than I already do.  And you will still like me, even as a boring nudnik, because you are kind, caring —

Neil’s Penis jumps in, interrupting.

Neil’s Penis:  And you crazy?  No one wants to read your boring shit.  Maybe on Tuesday, but not right before the weekend.

Neil:  What’s the difference?

Neil’s Penis:  Are you a dimwit, Neilochka?.  Don’t you get it?  If a woman is reading your stupid blog on a weekend, there’s only one reason why.   Her boyfriend is out of town and there’s no one around to f**k her! 

Neil:  Penis, that is really crude to say.

Neil’s Penis:  I’m a f***ing c**k.  How do you want me to speak?  

Neil:  Women don’t like to hear these words.

Neil’s Penis:  Sure they do.  Women WANT to be entertained, not bored with your wimpy polite REAL personality. 

Neil:  My REAL personality?

Neil’s Penis:  That’s right.  I make you interesting, not YOU.  So, dance, you motherf***ing blogger, dance!  That’s your job…

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A Year Ago on Citizen of the MonthA Few Good Men

 

21 Comments

  1. Looking forward to the post on the 30th November, which I’m guessing will consist of sobbing and screaming ‘no more!’

    But we know you can do it, only 20 days to go, so hit us with all you’ve got!

  2. That penis should have its… um, mouth?… washed out with soap.

    Oh wait, that sounded pornish, didn’t it. Oops. Hah!

  3. I’m sure there’s blogging Viagra out there to enhance performance. Your penis would love that idea–no?

    Blogging is like sex, Neil, you have to relax to enjoy it. Just do it. (Close your eyes if it helps.)

    Don’t worry whether the readers are pointing their toes and going OhOhOh. They need to RELAX too.

  4. I see some method in encouraging us not to be perfectionists, but I wonder if it becomes writing anything just for the purpose of posting daily.

    Tell Neil’s Penis he has a foul mouth!:P

  5. foul foul mouth!
    I was wondering whether you have thousand of posts there written, edited and ready for posting.
    I think a lot about posting this and that but as soon as I log in i find myself reading other bloggers’ posts instead!

    Fitèna

    PS: Unblog and Have a great week end!

  6. Hey! You found the little boys’ colo(u)r.

  7. i think for this month, because of the committment you’ve made, you should write for yourself, not worry whether anyone is reading or not. you know that saying “it’s all about me” this is your month baby, enjoy!

  8. like when I paint, if I ignore who is seeing it or painting for myself and not a client, things turn out better in the end result of the painting

  9. Tell your penis he’s not the only reason you’re interesting to women.

    I’m just saying.

  10. Neil, just let your penis write every day that you don’t feel like it. The whole “Neil’s penis” gimmick cracks me up every time.

  11. Snort…

    There is a REAL you and FAKE you? And your penis is claiming the FAKE you? Not good.

  12. Doesn’t your penis have anything better to do than to harass you?

    Oh. Yeah. That’s the problem, isn’t it?

  13. I’d like to read what just comes out, and more about you.

  14. I guess it’s like watching blooper clippings makes you appreciate how good the professional show is. You can remember there’s a broader person behind the writing. The best writing comes when you write for yourself, loving it. I am just repeating you aren’t I? Bleh, I’ll go away and think of something to write myself.

  15. Just post a cat picture and be done with it.

  16. Maybe if you wrapped your penis in tin foil- the heavy-duty kind, he’d stop with the harrassment.

  17. Hey Neil, this post puts you right at my level – not funny, vulgar, ripe with anxiety, insecurity and sexual frustration is exactly how I write.

    In fact, this whole post everyday thing has been kind of good for me. All the other bloggers are finally doing what I’m doing and now my blog looks better by comparison. Let’s just keep this up another month or two…

  18. I love your penis!!!

  19. Okay, stop blogging, already, and go write elsewhere. But remember your writing is a dialogue between you and your audience. Please, we (your apparently non-important audience) want you to go make some more films before you wind up in the Hollywood Forever cemetery, from which they apparently offer gauche memorial podcasts. P.S., since penis will be wondering, you and Mr. P. can’t be put next to any of the various parts of Jayne Mansfield, because even though a monument is in the cemetery, her famous bits are actually buried in Pennsylvania.

  20. How perceptive – my boyfriend IS out of town, etc.

  21. The Penis is cruel. He just doesn’t cut you any slack Neilochka … maybe Sophia could sweet talk him in to being a kinder, gentler penis? No? Oh well, I guess sometimes the truth just hurts. But know, under pressure or not, there are some of us readers (perhaps of questionable taste) who are still drawn to the musings of you (and/or your member) even if under the thumb of the NaBloPoMo monster. cheers, JP

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