the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

What do You Mean by That?

Three online conversations I had yesterday with other bloggers:


Neil:  I see you’re going to BlogHer.  Do men go to BlogHer?

Chantel:  Definitely.  You should come.  You can blog live about it. 

Neil:  I don’t know.  It undercuts the whole reason for BlogHer if men go to it.  Besides, it would feel a little wussy going to it, with all that girl stuff.

Chantel:  No, I think you’ll fit right in.

Neil:  Huh?  What do you mean by that?


Femme:  Don’t color it, Neil. A man’s gray is sexy!  Grey hair looks distinguished on a man.   Of course, most men don’t find it attractive on a woman.

Neil:  Actually, I think it looks pretty good on a woman, too.

Femme:  Well, you’re not a regular man.

Neil:  Huh?  What do you mean by that?


Neil:  Is that a photo of you in your last post?

Brooke:  Which one?

Neil:  The one that’s all blurry and you seem to not be wearing a top.

Brooke:  Ha Ha.  That’s my ex-boyfriend.

Neil:  Jeez.  I was getting turned on by your ex-boyfriend.

Brooke:  He is hot.

Neil:  I got totally confused with his long hair and his chest.

Brooke:  Yes, he had a bigger chest than I did.

Neil:  I guess I should stop trying to use Photoshop to try to unblur it.

Brooke:  You want to see the original?

Neil:  Uh… sure.

Brooke sends me the photo in an attachment.

Neil:  Wow, he has some bod!

Brooke:  I knew you’d think so.

Neil:  Huh?  What do you mean by that?

Brooke’s description of the exchange is much better.


A Year Ago on Citizen of the Month:  Parents Visit LA 


  1. 3rdtimesacharm( 3T )

    My husband is metrosexual Neil. Metrosexuals make great husbands in my opinion! A “mans man”, and he-men, they’re only good for flings and one-night stands. So consider yourself lucky that you’re a metrosexual Neil! You’re the one women want as their good friend, and/or husband! 🙂


  2. pam

    Even though I’m a chick and I blog for BlogHer, I’m not going to BlogHer.

    Now, when people ask me why, I’m saying this:

    “It would feel a little wussy going to it, with all that girl stuff.”

  3. Neil

    3T – Are you trying to kill me here? A good friend? A husband? I’m trying to get laid by a hot blogger and you’re ruining everything!

  4. Melissa

    You are more open minded, that’s all. It’s an appealing quality in a man…

  5. e.

    Poor Sophia! Now she not only has to deal with you hitting on hot female bloggers, but their exboyfriends as well..

  6. Brooke

    Do the other girls you chat with know about my ex?

  7. chantel

    All of my great loves have been metro-sexuals. However you have such a female fan base think of how many choices for hot sex you would have being one of the few males at BlogHer!!

    I’ll give you a T-Shirt?

  8. 3rdtimesacharm( 3T )



  9. Kevin

    Neil, you’re quite a… er… “man”?

  10. Karen Little

    Gosh… I guess girls think you’re kind of girly. How does that make you feel?

    What’s BlogHer?

  11. ms. sizzle

    this is why i love you so. 🙂

  12. Caitlinator

    I read your exchange with Brooke on her website and I knew without her saying so that she was talking about you. What do you think THAT means?

  13. Neil

    Karen, I see you’re from South Africa, so maybe you don’t know the euphemism “BlogHer.” It’s all the rage in the States. You hear it all a lot in the men’s locker room at the gym.

    Guy 1: Still dating Betty?
    Guy2: Yep.
    Guy 1: “BlogHer” yet?
    Guy 2: Just last night. “BloggedHer” a couple of times.
    Guy 1: Right on!

  14. Heather B.

    I’m live blogging at Blogher and one of my fellow live bloggers also happens to be male. So there.

    (of course I haven’t met him yet, so this is subject to change on whether or not he is wussy or anything of the sort)

  15. Neil

    OK, I’m going to show a bit of ignorance here, but what exactly do you mean by “live blogging?” Don’t we “live blog” every day? Is it called “live blogging” when you are officially carrying your laptop rather than one of those black and white composition books I like so much.

    Another question — Are there any pajama parties scheduled at BlogHer?

  16. fringes

    I’m only thinking out loud here, but I’m thinking if Guy 2 is dating a Betty, there’s less blogging, more shuffleboarding on the lido deck. A Beth may be shagging him, a Betty is showing him pictures of her great-grandchildren.

  17. Brooke

    By the way, that post from last year was one of my all-time favorites.

    You do realize Egan totally stole your metrosexual thunder.

  18. Nelumbo

    Way to scramble the gaydar

  19. Neil

    Fringes — Good point. I probably should have used another name. I guess I had Archie comic books on my mind.

    But I think names go in cycles. I love to go to touristy spots in Los Angeles and read the fake license plate with people’s names on it. You can tell which names are “in.” No one calls their son “Neil” anymore. You can’t find a Neil license plate. David and Michael are always popular. But I do see some old names coming back, like Max and Sophia. So, I’m sure there will hot Bettys back in vogue in the near future.

  20. Miss Syl

    Sheesh. Can’t anyone read what feedback he’s *really* asking for here, people?

    Fine. Cue the sex blogger.

    Here, Neil. A gift for the weekend:

    I want you. Badly. You are the hottest, most succulent piece of mean, nasty, dangerous, hulking alpha male badass on the blogosphere. God, there is just no one else who compares to you, or who I need more. And if you don’t throw me down right now and show me just what it’s like to be fucked by a real man, I will be forced to get on my knees in front of you and start begging you for mercy.

    There you go, darlin’. Never say I didn’t give you somethin’.

  21. Neil

    Do I even need to bother to announce it?

    Miss Syl — Blog Crush of the Weekend!!!!

  22. femme_despoir

    When I read Brooke’s exchange on her blog, I immediately thought of Neil as well.

    As for normal, Neil, dahlink, my motto has always been, “Why be normal when you can be exceptional!”

    And, exceptional you most certainly are!

  23. fringes

    I’ll have what Miss Syl is having.

  24. M.A.

    Wow. You really do have a lot of girl friends, Neil. (And fans as well)

  25. Neil

    Girl “friends” – the most hated expression in any man’s life —

  26. The Retropolitan

    I think Miss Syl is also my blog crush of the weekend.

  27. Miss Syl

    Oooh, I get the *whole* weekend? (blushes) Lucky, lucky me…

    But now you’ll love me even more.


    In true telethon style, I put forth a challenge to all the women reading. (And men, if they so choose.)

    C’mon, ladies…Mr. Kramer’s been entertaining your lovely, sexy selves for a long time now. You think he’s doing it just out of the goodness of his heart? That he just wants to be your “blog friend?” Hey, he’s a guy! He wants you to *recognize* he’s a guy! At least, y’know, ONCE.

    So just this once, how about a little return love by way of an:

    Ego-Fellating Commentary Challenge (TM)

    For the rest of this thread, I challenge (dare?) the rest of you readers to try to outdo me. Write Neil the filthiest, most adoring, worshipping, sexual comment you can think of. Make it SO good that the first thing he does every day and the last thing he does every night is log on to read YOUR comment, over and over.

    C’mon, I dare you. Get your seductress on and throw some allure his way. Show him what you’re made of.

    The prize? If someone outdoes me (Neil’s the judge), he can forfeit my Sunday crush status to you.

    Let the competiton begin!

  28. Dave Greten

    Is the readership of 90% female or 95% female? 99%?

  29. The Retropolitan

    It’s 99%, but that other 1% is ‘questionable.’

  30. Dustin

    Oh Neil, what have you gotten yourself into this time! =)

  31. Lillee

    Identity challenged, eh??

  32. Neil

    Miss Syl — Are you crazy? I would spontaneously combust!

    Chantel — you might be even more dangerous than Miss Syl with this:

    By the way, if you are coming from Blogher to this site, do you mind men attending the conference — or do you prefer keeping it all-women, like Smith College?

  33. Tatyana

    А ну-ка девушки, а ну, красавицы,
    Пускай поёт о нас страна
    И звонкой песнею пускай прославятся
    Среди героев наши имена!

    Ask Sophia to sing it to you.

    As to the “challenge” posted above – do men really buy into that crap? No, seriously – I know men a morons, but not to that extent, surely?

  34. Neil

    Tatyana — Unfortunately, most men do fall into that crap. That is why we are the weaker sex.

  35. The Retropolitan

    Yeah, for most men “moron” is really a slippery slope.

  36. cruisin-mom

    Neil, I’ve never seen you comment so much on your own blog. Intriguing…is this part of your scheme to get laid by a hot blogger?

  37. Non-Highlighted Heather

    Oh good grief.

  38. Sarah

    I’m all hot and sweaty thinking about the possibility of bumping into you, Neil, outside the restrooms of the cocktail lounge during BlogHer. I will be scanning the crowd for a tall, fit, gray-haired gentleman with a look of utter fear on his face. 😉

  39. Sarah

    …or the guy checking out the other 4 men at BlogHer.

  40. Neil

    Cruisin — Yes, you’re right. A sad comment-ary. I’m beginning to wonder if the comments to this post are part of a secret plan conceived at BlogHer 2005 to undermine the top male blogs of the blogosphere. Who knows what evil will be thought up this year?

  41. Tatyana

    Not a question of weakness – I too luuuve flattery. It’s what makes a satisfying fantasy image of self for you[them? I wonder, for how many?] – that’s astounding.
    Or is it only true of particular species, the ones with habitual guilt complex, so they’re on 7th heaven projecting their own need to kneel and humiliate himself onto someone else?

    In this case, “morons” is too mild.

  42. Miss Syl

    Tatyana: What makes you think it’s crap? Are you saying someone wouldn’t be able to think of Neil like that?

    For shame.

  43. Neil

    Wow, I never had women fight over me before.

  44. Bill

    If you’re trying to hit on Brooke, is it okay for the rest of us to hit on Sophia? If so, what would be a good approach? This sort of thing is not my strong suit.

    “Hey babe, wanna go to a hockey game?” I suspect that wouldn’t work. Or maybe, “As a Canadian, toots, I’d like to take you out in my canoe.” But then I think, I’d have to get a canoe. Then I’d have to figure out how they work. (I don’t think they have engines.) Of course, that’s assuming she even said yes.

    Anyway … whacha think?

  45. V-Grrrl


    Never, ever settle for being a regular guy.

    But if someone invites you to a Mary Kay party,just say NO.

  46. chantel

    Neil, this will entice you. I get a little randy after a couple of drinks. Both nights there are “cocktail parties” to end each evening. I’ve promised to not only share half of the bed with you but I’ll be pretty inebriated for the time that I’m there.

    Chances, chances….

  47. Tatyana

    Years ago I had a dog who would only sneeze dismissively if approached with “who’s the biggest? who’s the strongest? who wants a bath?water is nice – see, all your favorite toys are floating”.

    She was a smart girl.

  48. LisaBinDaCity

    I’m going to hurl.

  49. Tatyana

    er…which one did you mean…#3? #5?

  50. Suebob

    I posted about this on June 5 – sorry no permalink – and I thought guys shouldn’t be at blogher then, and I still don’t think they should be. Sorry, Neil, I know you are probably special, you aren’t like the others, you have many women friends – but I think the whole point of BlogHer is that it is about women. Without men. I really think women need a women-only space a couple days a year.

    I hope you understand. It’s not personal.

  51. Neil

    SueBob — I probably agree with you. No offense taken.

    Tatyana — Ha Ha. You truly are a cunning linguist!

    Miss Syl, Sarah, Chantel — thank you for your steamy comments. The first thing I did this morning and the last thing I did night was to read YOUR comments, over and over, and will continue doing so, over and over, for at least a month.

  52. the Yearning Heart

    Dave – 99% of Neil’s commenting readers might have a female online presence, but then there’s really no way to know how many are actually female.

  53. Roberta

    Did the flirting slow down following Miss Syl’s challenge, or is that just my imagination?
    Neil, chicks love A) gay guys and B) straight guys that can be teased about how gay they might be.
    Here’s the ultimate answer that (I think) you’re looking for:
    You’re totally do-able. Metro or not.
    (not looking for the Sunday slot here. I haven’t written anything of any value in like a week! Some day I will earn it…)

  54. bella

    what you remember of the conversation and what she remembers = very funny.

  55. Neil

    Female reader’s email from yesterday:

    “Honestly, I’ve had moments where the fawning has become so nauseating that I consider not coming back. But you’re a good writer and decent human being and I like to think that you take it all with a grain of salt. So I come back and keep the Pepto close at hand.”

    Do you think she’s trying to hit on me?

  56. Non-Highlighted Heather

    Highly doubtful. But she does appear to like you.

  57. Neil

    That’s just as important, Heather!

  58. the Yearning Heart

    Is anyone upset? Don’t be – it’s only history! The Theatre of Ideas is supposed to be fun!

  59. Brooke

    Get those Barbra Streisand tickets yet, macho man?

  60. wordgirl

    I’m leaning a little in the same direction as SueBob. There’s a huge part of me that believes once women get something all to themselves (aside from childcare, the drudgery of housework and organized religion’s constant attempts to maintain our second-class status), guys want a piece of it. Part of me wants to say, “Not so fast, buddy. Why don’t you wait a few hundred years or so and see if we feel you deserve to sit at our special table”.

    Other than that, Neil, I’d be okay with you being at BlogHer. You seem like a good egg.

  61. Neil

    OK, so maybe I won’t go to BlogHer after all. Leave it to the chicks. But after the conference, you’re all invited to drive down to LA for some milk and cookies at my house.

  62. Suebob

    Well, I am just a few miles north, so maybe I will come down for milk and cookies and to tell you how men are always ruining women’s lives, live and in person. Sound like fun? Let’s make a date!

  63. egan

    I knew it was you Brooke referenced in that post. Glad I could take the heat for you Neil. I’m here for you man.

  64. Jill

    And to think, I immediately assumed that it was Egan Brooke was chatting with. I didn’t think of you at all! Though, I don’t know if that’s an insult or a compliment. 😉

  65. introspectre

    Oh, Miss Syl, you terrible temptress. I write smut like it’s going out of style and would love to imagine Neil’s face turning a lovely shade of crimson by some morsel of smuttery written just for him.

    But… I’m married. That wouldn’t be proper, now would it? Neil will just have to IMAGINE what I would secretly whisper in his ear while sitting demurely on his lap, bare legs propped on the edge of his desk, sweetly innocent summer dress slowly sliding up my thighs while I wiggle about, getting comfortable for a loooooong talk about…you know, things…

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