Lately, I’ve been noticing an increase in interracial relationships here in Los Angeles. Blacks dating whites. Whites dating Asians. Asians dating Blacks.
I am against this type of relationship, much like I am against inter-religion dating or members of different cultures getting romantically involved.
My reason is simple: saving Hollywood.
As a lover of movies, particularly of the romantic comedy, I fear the death of the gimmicky movie obstacles to the young lovers’ happiness. In Shakespeare’s day, we had powerful families that hated each other, like in “Romeo and Juliet.” But since the dawn of the movies, filmmakers have used race and religion as a way to create drama, such as the movie I just saw, titled “Something New.” She’s black! He’s white! What will their parents say?! Will his friends accept his “Jungle Fever?” Will their love overcome the obstacles?
Think about it. Once these obstacles are gone, what will happen to the romantic comedy? Sure, we still have the old stand-by — he’s funny (Jewish) and she’s a anal shiksa (“When Harry Met Sally,” “Annie Hall,” “Meet the Fockers”). But even that sub-genre is getting old as assimilated Jews become less funny. Some of these Jews are so desperate for funny material, they just tell the same penis jokes over and over again. Even worse, the shiksa women are learning to tell their own jokes, ruining the dynamic.
Another old standard is the guy who’s a dullard who meets the woman who’s a free spirit (“Bringing up Baby,” “Something Wild,” a thousand other movies). I never really bought into this gimmick. I understand the boring tax accountant who is excited by the wild woman, but do exciting, fun women really want to hang out with the tax accountant? Or is this more wish fulfillment on the part of the mousy male screenwriters? I’ve been a dullard all my life. Where are the women, grabbing me by the arm to take me on a wild ride? Well, OK, there is Sophia.
OK, maybe Sophia was one. Sadly, even this genre is getting old, with “geeks” and accountants actually becoming sexy in popular culture.
Is the romantic comedy genre doomed? Unless we take some action now, I give it a few more years, right after they make the movie about the single rabbi and the ditsy Muslim divorcee who lives across the street from him.
Hopefully, we’ll hear from the author of the book “Writing the Romantic Comedy” himself, who keeps a blog here.
As for myself — I have a special place in my heart for women of other races and religions. But I must insist that we not get romantically involved. For Hollywood’s sake.
(editor’s note: These statements are here for humorous effect. Any woman of any race or religion who wants to throw herself at Neil’s feet, will not necessarily be rejected.)
Do exciting, fun women really want to hang out with the tax accountant?
Of course we do.
You mean to do your taxes, then you dump him?
We will hang out with the tax accountant as long as he’s funny and exciting.
The romantic comedy has been dead since Bringing up Baby.
Maybe….but if he has cute feet…what can we do?
I couldn’t care less about what happens to romantic comedy. Me, I’m excited to hear about all the interesting email this post is going to net you. Ho! That’s rich!
If the accountant looks as good in his PJ bottoms as you, the answer is an unequivocal yes.
What about amnesia as a rom com staple? Oh Neilochka, why do you ignore the women who can’t remember you?
okay, i realized what an old soul i am when i read this. (well, maybe you are too, i have never seen “bringing up baby” but it sounds like something i would want to see) however, i am saddened by two things in this post, that you chose a picture of that god-awful remake instead of the original and where was mention of THE quintessential free-spirit/uptight coupling, Holly Golightly and George. but, i love the movies about uptight goofy jews in the male leads – particularly woody allen and billy crystal. so all is forgiven.
If I were black or asian and a woman, I wouldn’t be able to resist throwing myself at your foot.
I’m glad you’ve admitted it to yourself and to the world. Black women are hot. And don’t you ever forget it.
Ooh how about black scorpio women…?
Well, Neil, I guess you and I will never be a romantic comedy. Not enough tension there. I’m Jewish, a Scorpio. Hey, maybe the fact that I’m 12 years older and married would create the needed tension? Nah, that just sounds like Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore.
I’m sure you have a lot of women who read your blog that would love to take you on a wild ride. Myself included
The most intersting element in these comments is the consistent presence of your “groupies”. Ah, maybe it’s the next romantic comedy: women swoon for man based solely upon the written word; man must choose between romp-a-room lifestyle and a true relationshiop with the one groupy who “cares”.
I’m thinking about changing the name of my blog to “anal shiksa.” I think it has a really nice ring to it, and just imagine the Google searches that will find me!
Michelle – actually I need a good tax accountant. Do you know one?
Communicatrix — Did you just call me a a ho?
Trix — For some reason I will never think of that phrase “Trix is for Kids” again.
Tanya — I know first hand about dating a woman with amnesia. Once I was dating a woman who was always forgetting who I was. When we were having sex, she was always shouting, “Fuck me harder, Ed from the publicity department.”
Amanda — You should rent it. Cary Grant. Katherine Hepburn.
Tim — It’s sad, really. I’m always attracting the men.
Lauren — I have a feeling you were so wild here, that that’s the reason you had to move out of the country.
Won’t Tell — Take my word for it. There will be a blogging movie soon. It will fail at the box office and there will never be another one again. But I do like the idea of that “romp-a-room lifestyle.” And the fact that you think I have groupies amuses me. Does that make me John or Paul or god forbid, Ringo? I actually prefer Bono, because we both want World Peace. The big difference is they probably all got some real action.
Heather — You mean you’re black?
Jenny — Not only would your blog become very popular in Israel, but because it starts with an “A,” it would be on the top of most blogrolls. Except for the very clever 2 Blowhards and 86 Tips who plotted their blog names very carefully. My next blog will simply be titled “1.”
Oh, yeah Neil, this groupie takes no offense that I’m the ONLY person you didn’t comment back to…no problem, really. What, am I too Jewish for you?
I prefer to comment with you on a one-to-one basis — if you know what I mean…
dull*ard (noun) – somebody regarded as unintelligent or slow to comprehend.
And proud of it!
There’s always mistaken identity, and as you showed a couple posts ago, they’ll just remake all the existing romantic comedies anyway. E.g., the upcoming ‘She’s the man’ based on Shakespeare’s Twelth Night.
Or did you mean good romantic comedy?
I have to admit, I did find it a little shocking when Will from “Will & Grace” made out with a black guy on the last episode. More alarmingly, I must also admit that I watch “Will & Grace.”
I hung out with a tax accountant one. He was awesome. But then he really wanted to be a rockstar so he had that going for him.
btw, the “other” post about your “foot” — that was hilarious.
You know, “Guess Who’s Coming To Dinner” mixes both the interracial and dullard + free spirit genres.
Tax accountants are fine, it’s those friggin investment bankers that make you want to slit your throat before dessert.
tax accountants are gods!!! they can find a way for a woman to claim their shoes and purses as dependants, get back a big healthy cheque to buy more shoes and purses, what’s not to love about that???
Have all movies star mulatto actors. Halle Berry fans would certainly thank you. There, problem solved.:)
Let’s imagine the first blogging romantic comedy based on Neil’s life. The movie could fit two different forumulas- the secret/mistaken identity (Truth about Cat and Dogs / You’ve got Mail). We could find out that Sophia is actually posing as one of Neil’s “groupies” in another state, and they find out they both like pina colatas and getting caught in the rain .
Or it could be distance as the obstacle (Sleepless in Seattle / An Affair to Remember) and Neil goes to meet Brook in Florida- let’s say the Disney Castle- but she gets her hair caught in the door of the monorail.
You have a very sexy foot Neil. Darn it … I’m neither black or Asian.
You have groupies???
Uh, in a romantic comedy, wouldn’t Neil end up with his secret love, Stephanie Klein?
Nelumbo — Are you sure you’re not a screenwriter?
Charming — You got me. I’ve always wanted to put her on my blogroll, but I don’t want her to think I’m a stalker.
I saw the movie you’re talking about, I didn’t like it. Not because of the interacial angle which I think is being overly used in movies (even in bollywood they’re starting to: The adaptation of Pride and Prejudice renamed Bride and Prejudice starring an asian heroin with a british hero). I just thought it lacked substance, they didn’t have to think hard to come up with the story… And it’s so predictable!
Fitèna
PS: It didnt even make me laugh which says something since am such a laughing person, they say.
a smart women should always date either (or both) an accountant or (and) a mechanic. my friend and i once had a fairly serious conversation about whether we’d give sexual favors to a mechanic if it meant he’d fix our cars for free…
I’m a self-professed geek-hag and am proud. Think they’ll make a movie about me?
I saw Something New and it happened to be something new. In this movie, the attractive black female lead has a birth mark on her FACE.
I’ve never seen a romantic comedy where they let one of the female leads have a face impediment.
So, that’s good.
There’s always the dead/undead obstacle in romantic comedies (think “Ghost” and that recent Reese Witherspoon movie). That will never get old… unless necrophelia becomes popular.
what about the trailer park girl/trust fund boy combo…
You gotta love John Hughes.
Asian heroin with a british hero? can you get that at delicatessens in the city now? The imagination boggles.
Akaky, where have you been? It’s what they’ve renamed the “Sammy Davis Jr.” sandwich at the Carnegie Deli — Pastrami, Turkey, Cole Slaw on Pumpernickle.
Actually, being a product of a black father and a white mother, there are times I get shocked at interracial relationships. Usually it’s with a black woman and a white guy (because that’s rare, but okay with me). I guess I’ve never really dated a black girl before, not a lot african americans live in my neighborhood or attend the schools I do. You know, there was this joke with some friends of mine, really attractive black girls are like finding a needle in a haystack (well you have halle berry, but how many of her is going around – whose not a celebrity?). As far as romantic comedy goes, I’ve noticed the change. I also noticed that by 2010, the US will be the all-time, most diverse country in the world. I think it’s pretty diverse as it is. We just have to increase education in more than one language, other than spanish. I think romantic comedies will lose that initial shock that we’d see in that movie “Something New.” Already, cultures are intergrating different customs. For instance, being black, I suppose I should listen to Rap and R&B like a non-hispanic or black would listen to Led Zepplin or Sara Evans. But, with my case, I prefer Sara Evans, Keith Urban, Breaking Benjamin, and Pink Floyd. These are strange times Neil…if you don’t mind me saying so. Well, that’s my two sense. Feel obligated to check out my blog! ha no pressure.
Good Lord, Neil, I can’t believe it took me 12 days to catch up with this post, so apologies — I was in NYC for a bit and missed a chunk of daily blog-trolling. All I can say (now that the comment party is long over) is I’m all for feet and naked asians and black people (naked white folks and feet fine by me too) but even if we have to employ aliens and robots as the Capulets and Montagues, NOTHING will ever put the rom-com genre out of commission, so long as there’s such a thing has having sex.
…or as we say it in English, “as having sex.”
sorry you feel its wrong on the other hand I’m not. I’m in an interracial relationship and its not meant to be funny or made into some kind of movie. You love who you love and maybe you have never been in love so you won’t understand. the movies in today’s society is out because movies one way or another have to reflect off of real life or no one will make money. Our world is a melting pot and alot of people today are mixed with something and its just who we are.
Anisha — I'm all for you loving whomever you want. All I ask you to do, is think about the impact on the screenwriters in Hollywood.
Neil, I always fuck with Hollywood in mind. God bless the screenwriters.
Buzzgirl, a special thanks from the Writers Guild of America.
You’re disgusting and people like you make my life that much harder. I don’t understand what this has to do with screen writers, perhaps this is a sorry excuse for those who can no longer think of anything else to write about. Get a life loser
If you’re thinking about the impact this has on Hollywood, you really need to get your priorities in order. Interracial relationships are a real thing, and most of the current population wouldnt be here. And, this may be a shock to you but there may have been somone in your family history who had “jungle fever” and you may not have been here. The religion and race (and very cliche, may I add) comedy and love story is as old as it gets. YOu mentioned Shakespere (I suppose youre a fan, well even he wrote about an african lady he supposedly had an affair with (“Th Dark Lady”). I hate to break it to you (actually I dont), but these comedies probably wont die out, youre better off ignoring the movies or getting use to it.
Are you serious? For the sake of Hollywood? Who cares about Hollywood! Love is love no matter if the person is not the same color or of the opposite sex. Hollywood=Money and money cannot buy love!
Also, don’t knock it till you try it!!!