I once taking a screenwriting class where the teacher kept on drilling this point into us:
It is not really important what a character says, but what he does. It is his actions that determine his true "character."
Talk can mask the truth. It is easy to deceive ourselves. That’s why some people go into therapy — in order to dig deeper into themselves and learn what really makes them tick.
Well, I’m going to save you some money here. Forget therapy. Toss your Prozac. Do what I did last night, and go through all your blog posts to come up with a list of your "favorite posts" to put on your sidebar. I used to have my "Most Popular Posts" there, but they were usually the posts I hated the most, about Nicole Richie and anorexic women. So, now I put up some posts I liked.
And, really, what better way to analyze your "real" interests in life, than examining what you wrote about all year on your blog? I recommend that all bloggers do this.
I consider myself a cultured person, so I was a bit shocked that I didn’t write one serious post about a book. I never brought up poetry, ballet, or art, at least not directly. I rarely talked about world events. I made a brief mention of Katrina, and that was it.
90% of my posts were about Sophia, my parents, blogging, Jews, and my penis — not necessarily in that order. Is this what really occupied my mind in 2005?
What was on your mind during 2005?
Of course, we all change, and 2006 can bring on a whole new set of priorities. Hopefully, I’ll find a great job and write about my career often — that is until they fire me for blogging about my job. Maybe I’ll start dating someone new and write about "my dating life."
Who really knows what the future brings?
Male Voice: "Uh, excuse me, Neil…"
Neil looks down. It is his penis, talking to him from inside his pants.
Penis: "Does this mean you’re not going to talk about me anymore?"
Neil: Penis, don’t be hurt. It’s not that I don’t love you. I just think it’s time to act more mature, especially after all that conflict on Blogebrity. It’s really not appropriate to write about you online.
Penis: I thought the whole point of this post was to show "what you were really interested in" during 2005…
Neil: I have other interests besides sex. Didn’t I just come back from the Getty Museum, where I saw the exhibit, Painted Prayers: The Book of Hours in Medieval and Renaissance Art?
Penis: Oh, yeah, right. Like you were really interested in that.
Neil: Actually, it was very interesting. Did you know that for three hundred years, from about 1250 to 1550, the book of hours was the "bestseller" in Europe?
Penis: Yawn! Hey, did you notice that Sophia looked really good in that new dress she bought at Macy’s? Did she lose some weight? Her ass really looked good.
Neil: Penis, stop it. I’m busy now. I want to blog a little bit about this museum exhibit I just went to.
Penis: I noticed you took a great deal of interest in that statue of Venus. Can you imagine how hot it would be to fuck someone from 100 A.D.?
Penis: It’s getting a little uncomfortable and tight down here, Neil. It would be nice to breathe some fresh air.
Neil: My mother is downstairs!
Penis: And Sophia?
Neil: She’s in the shower.
Penis: Ha ha ha! Hmmmm… sexy…. where’s all that blood flowing, Neil?
Neil: I give up!
Penis: Just testing you, Neil. You can try to hide from me, but you know that it is impossible. Many a man has tried to battle his penis, and few have survived. You can say all day that you won’t write about me in 2006, but you will. Mark my words – you will.
Neil’s Penis turns to you, the reader.
Penis (Cont’d): Now as Neil washes his face with cold water, let me wish all bloggers out there a Happy New Year from both me and Neil. We hope that the New Year brings joy and happiness to you and your families. Happy 2006!