Citizen of the Month

the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

How Much is that Dildo in the Window?

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Tonight I had dinner with Dan, a USC film-school friend, who I never see because his wife never let’s him out of the house.

"So, Dan, how were you able to go out on a Wednesday night on your own?"

"Janet is having a Pure Romance party in the house."

"What’s that?"

"It’s like a modern-day Tupperware party.  A group of women get together and they sell women’s things."

"Women’s things?  You mean like, uh… (saying it softly so the rest of the Cheesecake Factory didn’t hear)… dildos?"

"That and sex toys, I think."

"Can we stop by?"

We came up with a devilish plan.  We knew Janet and the women would be in the living room.  So, we decided to enter the house from the back and listen in from the kitchen."

I was all excited pondering what secrets I was going to hear.  A group of sexy woman talking about sex toys.  Maybe they’re talking openly about their boyfriends and husbands.  What they like.  Kinky stuff.  I was already planning writing a blog post all about it.  This would surely shoot me up to the B-List. 

We sneaked in from the back.  We tiptoed through the foyer and into the kitchen.  We could hear the throaty voice of a woman speaking.  Someone neither of us knew.  Her voice had an air of authority, as if she was the organizer. 

And was the talk about sex?  Kinky stuff?

No, she was talking about money.  How much it cost to buy the kit.  How much profit you could make by selling parts of your kit to other saleswomen under you.  This Pure Romance was a pyramid scheme!

Janet, Dan’s wife, walked into the kitchen.  She quickly shut the door on seeing us. 

"What the hell are you guys doing here?"

"Janet, do you realize that this whole thing is a pyramid scheme?"

"Of course I do, Dan.  I went to Wellesley.  I’m not stupid.  I just think this is a good time to get in and run the Brentwood dildo-market before anyone else comes in.  I’m gonna make a fortune"

Dan nodded, agreeing with his wife’s street smarts.   I excused myself and went into their backyard.  I called up Sophia on my cellphone.

"Sophia, hi, it’s me.  Let me ask you something.  What do you know about the Redondo Beach dildo market?"

45 Comments

  1. No fun, no games, no… romance?? Sheesh.

  2. ah… plastic products sold by housewives has evolved. i wonder what the nuns in my school would’ve said if i had brought that instead of tupperware…:)

  3. I’ve had friends who have gone to those parties and said they were great. Generally the kinds of women that enjoy the parties are the types to not just walk into a sex shop and buy a dildo themselves. It becomes safe to do so in someones house, surrounded by other women.

    I personally feel that all people should be given sex toys upon birth, and present them with a booklet that states:
    Very Important. Keep this item until it’s use becomes apparent. You will be happy you did.

  4. Well, best of luck with your new endeavor. Hope it works out for you. Seize the opportunity!

  5. You are totally going to make it to the B list with this one.

  6. Sneaking in to pure romance parties! What’s next? A jewel heist at Fred Leighton?

    One question: were you wearing ski masks?
    Namaste.
    ~HDJ

  7. When it comes to knowing about cornering the sex toy market, leave it to a Wellesley girl. We know all the ins and outs of the business.

  8. wow, that’s just whacky. what happened to the good old days when women sold mary kay cosmetics. lol. too funny neil.

  9. LMAO! All women should have at least one in her night stand.

    3T

  10. This made my morning: “Of course I do, Dan. I went to Wellesley. Iā€™m not stupid. I just think this is a good time to get in and run the Brentwood dildo-market before anyone else comes in. Iā€™m gonna make a fortune.” I love that Wellesley got involved…Dildo 101.

  11. I’ve been to these parties before. It is definitely an easier way of approaching this with friends šŸ™‚
    I can’t imagine trying this in a town of 700 though.

  12. I’ve been to these parties before, the best part is the food; fruit platters consisting of upright bananas with fuzzy little kiwi halves at the base.

  13. I think you might have missed the part where they describe the various creams and gels and give a demo of the Osaka Beaver.

  14. Believe it or not, I use to be a Tupperware Lady (makes me sound way older than 32).
    I should have gotten into this kind of home party… bet I would have done even better. I know way more about sex toys than anything kitchen related.

  15. These are especially fun with a large group of woman scientists.

    “Is this plastic hydrophobic or hydrophilic?”

    “I think we solved the equations of motion of this thing in Phys 106.”

    “How do they extrude it in one piece like that?”

    During one game, a bio major managed to create an amazingly realistic penis from a banana using only her mouth. There were veins, I kid you not.

  16. i don’t think i’ll ever eat a banana again.

  17. Neil, don’t leave us hanging. Does Sophia know anything about the Redondo Beach dildo market?

  18. Now this is exactly the kind of soon-to-be-A-List discussion I’ve been looking for in a blog! Well done. I think your popularity is at least 6% now, and you’ve earned 2 charisma points.

  19. my friend went to a party like this. everyone had to name their vaginas too. i think she named hers, “the ringleader.” hmmm…

  20. Do you think that feeling the overwhelming need to giggle and turn red whenever a piece of plastic fun is anywhere near me disqualifies me from being the sex toy equivalent of the Avon Lady? I think it might…

  21. Oh yeah, I’ve heard about these. The women all wear sexy shoes and talk about “products.” E-spouse is dying for me to have one.

  22. Great post, Neil.
    And again, I meant this blog entry, not the phalluses for sale.

  23. i wonder if they carry the oh.my.gawd. vibrator? hmmm…

  24. There’s an oh.my.god vibrator? Really? Seriously? I mean, I’m not asking for any reason really. Just curious is all.

  25. I hate going to those parties, cause then I find out size really does matter

  26. i am totally looking forward to my next banana…

  27. I was just stopping by briefly to let you know I am back up and running and saw the identical dildo I once owned…. ha ha ha ha….I didnt even bother to read the text….sooo impressed you posted a picture of every girl’s dream šŸ™‚

  28. Doesn’t anyone get the actual point of my post? It’s not about dildos and vibrators. It’s about how sexuality is being exploited by the capitalist system into being a consumer product that is marketed by a company that uses a pyramid scheme to keep the masses from every really succeeding in being sexually or economically free.

    OK, it’s really about dildos.

  29. It’s really about dildos Neil. Just accept it. šŸ™‚

  30. Do they have spare battery stashes for these things?

  31. I’ve never been to a dildo party, but my sister’s been to a few. According to my sister, the parties she went to were the stuff that porn flicks are made of. lol

  32. Sorry to be a party pooper but how bored is this generation that we have to throw dildo parties?? What’s next?

  33. And Tupperware parties of the last generation were exciting?

  34. Someone started peddling that stuff at my CHURCH!

  35. Well, not at the church, but within the church…

  36. oh man, i’ve been wanting to go to one of those parties!! see if one of those ladies starts up a scheme in northern va? šŸ™‚

  37. you must have missed the whole sales pitch…….as in other home party plans, it’s not a pyramid scheme if there are actually products being sold…..

  38. Neil, Not only are you uneducated but you are annoying. I am a Pure Romance Consultant and PR is not a pyramid scheme, it is just nice to tell our own brag stories about the low cost, and great benefits. You are the reason men ar not allowed at the parties!

  39. If anyone has serious questions about the great parties of Pure Romance please feel free to email me. I love my job, You can to! Get paid to party!

  40. Sorry but there is not a oh my gawd vibrator. there is bob… (battery operated boyfriend) PR consultants don’t use crude comments or talk kinky. We educate women and help them put the o in romance!

  41. I’m not with PR but I am with another similiar company, Fantasy Inc Home Parties and you are quite wrong by calling this a Pyramid Scheme! There are NOT products in Pyramids, that is just money changing and changing hands.

    I am a Romance Specialist and you won’t hear a bunch of kinky stuff going on at our shows either! As with the others on here in this biz, we love what we do!

  42. It sure seemed that way to me. Someone buys in, then sells the stuff to others to sell, who sells the stuff to others to sell…

    The question to ask is who’s really making the money? Dildos and sex toys are sexy stuff, but it’s still a business.

    In fact, the women at this party seemed less interested in buying the dildos than selling some of them to their friends.

    Maybe it was just this group.

    But hey, I’m all for women doing this! Better than a book club!

  43. Ha! Awesome story. It’s amazing how much sex toy parties have grown in the past few years!

  44. I am also with Pure Romance and wanted to comment on a few things even though this post is quite old. It is actually forbidden by the contracts we sign with Pure Romance for consultants to sell to other consultants. We buy products directly from the company at a discount and then sell them to our customers. We can trade one product for another of the same value with another consultant but that is all. I have never heard of a consultant talking during her demo about how much her starter kit was or anything like that so I think you over heard a consultant who was not very good at her job. We focus on sexual education not just selling products and are closely tied to the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University where most of the leading sexual research is done.

  45. I was blown away to know that sex toys are now on a pyramiding scheme.haha I thought it was just a girl parties where you’ll talk about relationships of your husbands or boyfriends.

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