the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

138th Post About Sophia


(phone call this morning)

Sophia:  What are you doing later?

Neil:   Nothing.  You?

Sophia:  I almost had a date for tonight.   I spoke with this guy from for a couple of hours.

Neil:  And?

Sophia:  He seemed pretty nice.  But then I told him to take a look at your blog. 

Neil:  Why would you do that? 

Sophia:  I thought he’d find it interesting.   He is a creative type.  

Neil:   (ADDED LAUGHTER SO NEW READERS DON’T TAKE THIS AS  SERIOUSLY AS THE FIRST COUPLE OF READERS DID)  He doesn’t want to see your separated husband’s blog!

Sophia:  I thought you’re always looking for new readers.   I thought you’d be happy.

Neil:  Well… thank you.

Sophia:  I told him the blog was very funny.

Neil:  And so?  What did he think?

Sophia:  Well… first the good news.  He liked the picture on top.   He liked the post where you said I had "magnificent breasts."  But then he said the other posts were way too long. 

Neil:  Too long?!  The last couple of posts, I hardly wrote anything at all.

Sophia:  He said he prefers those blogs where the posts are shorter and there are more links.

Neil:   How many links does this guy want?

Sophia:   Forget it.  It’s not that important.  He just didn’t "get it."

Neil:  Get what?

Sophia:  What’s a "Citizen of the Month."  What’s the joke.  Were you being serious or not.  Everything.  He just didn’t like it too much.

Neil:  Which post didn’t he get?  The last one with Katie Couric?  Should I make the post clearer?  Does he know who Katie Couric is?  Is he from this country?

Sophia:  Forget it.  Not everyone’s going to like your blog.

Neil:  Do you have this guy’s phone number?

Sophia:  What for?

Neil:  I’d like to ask him what’s wrong with the blog.  I’m open to suggestions.  He can be like my focus group.

Sophia:  I don’t have his phone number anymore.  And you’re not calling him.

Neil:  Well, obviously you did.

Sophia:  It’s over already.   I told him I wouldn’t go out with him. 

Neil:  Why is that?

Sophia:  I couldn’t possibly  date someone who doesn’t get your blog. 

Neil:  You told him that?  Boy, you’re a tough dater.  

Sophia:  After all, your blog isn’t that intellectual….

Neil:   I’m touched.  Thank you… I think… 

I am not sure what I am more concerned about – that Sophia is on Lavalife looking for dates OR that this guy didn’t like my blog.


  1. Mirty

    Well, I don’t know your story. Just came here by following the link from your comment at Jack’s Shack (“Random Thoughts”) BUT… here’s my 2 cents — You and Sophia don’t seem very, um, separated. If she’s telling her potential dates to read your blog…. you two are much too intertwined to be dating other people. (Now I have to read more of your stuff and find out the whole history.)

  2. kris

    I don’t know if I should go there, as I am relatively new to this relationship. But I find it interesting that the two of you are talking about dating other people. How could that be anything but – however unintentionally – hurtful to both of you? (I have done it before and thought it was adaptive at the time – it ended up ruining what could have been a great friendship had we given it the distance. It was my error.)

    And do you really want to be dating other people? In just my very distant exposure to you, you seem almost closer and more into each other than my beau and I are. Hmmmm.

    I’m just an outsider offering a perspective and I do not want to seem judgmental – I just feel like I’ve been there.

    In other news, I’m glad you both kicked this guy to the curb. If he doesn’t get the blog, he’s not someone we want invited back. 🙂

  3. Sophia

    Hmm, Mirty and Kris, I don’t think I’d date you either… 😉

  4. Bill

    I think I’d be mainly concerned with the kind of advice people like me would give you. For example, I think you’d be better off forgetting Sophia and the blog hater. Make a play for Katie Couric.

  5. kris

    Sorry Neil, just trying to offer a perspective on a very similar experience . . .

  6. Bad Maria

    I’m more concerned that Sophia doesn’t think your blog is very intellectual…

  7. Neil

    Kris, No problem. I love hearing from you.

    Or as the very intellectual German philosopher Martin Heidegger might say, “…Before considering the question that is seemingly always the most immediate one and the only urgent one, What shall we do? we ponder this: How must we think? For thinking is genuine activity, genuine taking a hand, if to take a hand means to lend a hand to…the coming to presence of Being.”

    Better, Sophia?

  8. modigli

    Ok, I really hope Sophia doesn’t say mean things to me for what I’m about to say…. But (deep breath) …. here goes…. (YOU asked, afterall!)

    I think that was another “Lucy” moment orchestrated to get “Ricky’s” attention. What was the point of calling you up to tell you she was chatting with some other guy for hours, who also happens to not like your blog? Maybe it was just meant to be something silly and funny on her part; but if my seperated spouse did that same thing to me, it would have hurt my feelings A LOT because it is a HURTFUL thing!

    What gives, Sophia? Neil obviously adores you, but you are doing covert things to get his attention and stir his jealousy, too. I say you both just admit that you love each other, and move back in already!!! We ALL want you two back together because it seems you still love each other. Don’t you????

    … Or, maybe you really don’t. And if you’re sure that you don’t, then just leave each other alone so you can both move on!

    Sorry if that was harsh, but I’m in a raw mood right now. And I imagined myself in Neil’s shoes and felt the pain of hearing those words from someone I was in love with.

    And just for the record (and so I don’t get yelled at!!) I want you two TOGETHER!!!

    And would it help if I put a smiley face? 🙂

  9. Neil

    Thanks for your concern, Mo. What a great feeling to know someone like you — especially someone I’ve never met — cares about me. But I didn’t find anything that Sophia said to be hurtful at all. We were both laughing it up when she told me about it. We pretty much have he same sense of humor. Now, when she actually GOES on a real date with someone, then maybe we’ll have this conversation again…

    I know our relationship seems weird to you, and it is weird to us, but we enjoy what we have.

  10. cruisin-mom

    Neil and Sophia…get back together already…poor EKramer is anxiously awaiting little Neilochkas and Sofotchkas

  11. ms. sizzle

    it is good sophia didn’t go out with that guy. because really neil, what kind of man IS he if he prefers links over text? creative type my ass.

    even though you write about sophia on your blog, that certainly doesn’t make any of us, your readers, experts on your relationship. i actually think you guys have got something particularly special, from what i can tell from your posts. who says that means you are meant to be a couple? there are too many variable and nuances that none of us know. only you two know what is right for you.

    does it seem sometimes like blogging is like interactive reality television?

  12. Sophia

    Hallelujah, Ms. Sizzle.

  13. anonymous city girl

    You sent a potential date to your husband’s blog where he gushes about you on occasion?
    Interesting pre-date activity.

  14. M.A.

    I think that your blog is smart and intellectual. And I think I get it. It’s a good thing that that other dude didn’t get it, right?

  15. anonymous city girl

    The more I think about… I wouldn’t be surprised if the guy “gets it”, and may have even enjoyed Neil’s writing (hard not to)… but he also may have just realized from the post that are akin to love letters to Sophia and Sophia’s posts in the comment section that these two lives are still closely intertwined.

    I am not saying that they should or shouldn’t be, but having a potential date read about it is intimidating. Who wants to go out with someone, know that their closest confidant is their spouse? You know every move you make, you know will be discussed with a person they once took vows with. That is a big pill to swallow.

  16. mary

    I’m mostly concerned with the fact that blogs are so wide-spread that people know what they like/don’t like about them. What happened to the good ol’ days when people would say, “You write about yourself? Online???”
    My ex-husband and I went through a phase like that, too, and he still tells me way too much. I say its too much only b/c his stories are boring. You guys will find your way, whatever that may be.

  17. Heather

    I think that’s great that she sent him here. I haven’t read the other 137 posts about Sophia, but if there are that many, it sounds like you still have some feelings in there. And Sophia, if you’re sending potential suitors here and you’re not even divorced yet, you must still have some feelings fluffing up for Neil…

    Perhaps I’m wrong…but about these things, I’m usually not. Cocky bitch, aren’t I? Whoops!

  18. amanda

    haha…this made me laugh…i wouldn’t go out with someone who didn’t like your blog either!

  19. lizriz

    I’m going to have a really old-fashioned girl moment and say that I really can’t believe that separated people date.

    Whew, I feel better now.

  20. Helena

    This sounds very much like the relationship I had with my ex after we split. For two years, we told each other about dates, relied on each other for emotional support, and stayed close…under the guise that we were just friends. We constantly bashed bad dates to each other. We would ask with “mock” jealousy how they went.

    I was shocked and hurt when one of these bad dates became his girlfriend a few months down the line. I had lulled myself into a false sense of security, and lied to myself about the depths of my feelings for him. The truth is that I never really began to move on until we stopped talking. As much as love made me want him to be in my life forever, my friend forever, there has to be time to heal and start over…otherwise I can flirt, I can date, I can do all these things…but in my heart, I am not any closer to really moving on.

    I don’t know if any of that sounds familiar, and I’m sorry for the long comment. But so much of your posting about Sophia, and the way she interacts with you, reminds me of that relationship.

  21. Megan

    Whenever I read your posts about Sophia, I always think to myself, “Self, too bad you don’t live in LA anymore. I bet Sophia would be fun to go to lunch with.” I think I’d get along with her. She’s spunky.

    I love your relationship with each other. I think some of us can relate to it. It sounds like my ex and me. IMO, it doesn’t matter if you guys stay together or get divorced, you’re lucky to have found each other.

  22. introspectre

    I’m with Sophia on this. Anyone who couldn’t be bothered with posts that are “too long” doesn’t have a whole hell of a lot of an attention span.

    Can you say “would suck in bed”? I know you can!

    ps) I met my fiance on lavalife. No point, just saying…

  23. Velveteen Mind - Megan

    Neil, I think you have become Sophia’s Lavalife date for me. Any time you seem to frown upon something I do or not immediately understand every nuance of what I write, I panic. And then I think, “What the hell is wrong with Neil?”

    Browsing through your archives tonight, I believe I am beginning to figure that last bit out. 😉

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