One of my fellow bloggers has two blogs, one regular and a second blog of erotica based on her true-life experiences with her boyfriend.
(I won’t mention who unless she wants me to).
Since I am a competitive blogger and always out to increase my readership, I’ve decided to take a stab at erotica based on a real-life romantic encounter. So, send the kids away and prepare to get HOT. And Mom, you can read it too. I know you watched "Sex and the City." I also used to sneak looks at those sexy Judith Krantz novels you used to read. I still keep the ripped out page 123 of "Princess Daisy" in my sock drawer.
NIGHT OF PASSION — erotica by Neil Kramer
"Thanks for fixing my Tivo," said Sophia, as I stirred my homemade tomato sauce in the pot.
Sophia was wearing a sexy new outfit, and she looked terrific.
"It’s also nice of you to make dinner, Neilochka," she said.
"My pleasure, Sofotchka."
My wife (former wife?) smiled at me in that special way she did before we separated two years ago. I thought that maybe she did have "pleasure" on her mind, but not the one having anything to do with my pasta.
We slowly moved closer and closer. We kissed, our lips eager for each other. I could feel the energy flowing through my body. I ripped off her blouse, the buttons flying.
"Oops, I’m sorry."
"Don’t worry. I got it at sale at Loehmann’s. Only twelve dollars!"
"Great buy. And it looks great. Very flattering."
I saw that she was braless. Her magnificent breasts called out to me, " Touch us, hold us, kiss us!" Her nipples were as hard as the growing bulge in my pants.
"Let’s go to the bedroom."
"What about the pasta?"
"Shut it off. I honestly never liked your ‘homemade’ tomato sauce anyway."
I laughed. I always found her total honesty very sexy.
Before we knew it, we were moving into the bedroom. The bedroom looked different than when I lived here, because Sophia wanted to change the feng shui of the room to create better energy. And it certainly was working for me. Sophia reached for my belt and quickly undid my pants, releasing the pressure. My engorged tool stood at attention, ready and willing.
"Oh, Neilochka, you have the biggest c–k I’ve ever seen."
She knew I loved it when she talked dirty. But then again, she also had that habit of always telling the truth —
"Maybe not as big as the Vladimir’s c–k from Moscow, or Bibi’s c–k from Tel Aviv, or the c–k of that Jamaican steel drummer from New York, or the c–k of that lifeguard from Malibu…"
"OK, I get it. Let’s just… shhh."
I dove between her legs. Sophia sighed. I quickly let her "big" comment fade from my memory. Well not quite. It reminded me of something else.
"Oh, by the way, did you get "Big" from Netflix yet?"
"I did. I watched it and sent it back."
I quickly sat up, annoyed.
"Why did you do that? I asked you to get it for me."
"It ‘s been a week already. I sent it back so I could get ‘Monster-in-Law.’"
"I wanted to watch "Big" again. I have a screenplay idea that uses some of the elements."
"I’m sorry. Besides… you had that idea three years ago. It’s a awful movie idea."
Sophia mumbled something I couldn’t hear.
"No, tell me."
"Yes! Tell me, already!"
"OK… you used to have so many creative ideas. Then all you started to care about was ‘commercial.’ No wonder you never sell anything."
"It’s like your blog. It was great in the beginning. Now you just pander to the lowest common denominator of your readers with stupid sex jokes. It’s all fluff, no content."
"OK, so I’m not Instapundit, writing about the latest politics."
"And stop flirting with all the women online. It makes you look easy."
"I am easy."
"Look, your erection’s gone already. Why don’t you write about that on your blog?"
"My erection is not gone."
"Then it’s your fault. Yours… and… and… that stupid cholesterol medicine you’re making me take."
Sophia now mumbles something in Russian.
"You know, my readers are so much more nicer than you. If I lived in Florida — within one week, I bet I’d be sleeping in Brooke‘s bed."
"Right. Until she sees your bank account. And what you think your cholesterol medicine does to your erection."
"You know… you… you… you looked like you gained three pounds."
"I did not! You’re lying."
"Yeah, in your hips."
"You lie! Mark said I look great."
"Oh, I didn’t tell you. I went on a date with someone from court."
"You went on a date and didn’t tell me?"
"Why? Do you tell me everything?"
"Yes, because you force it out of me! I don’t even know why we’re still married."
"We’re not. We’re separated."
"I’m going home… and taking my erection with me."
"Wait! Neilochka! Don’t leave yet. Before you go, could you do a virus scan on my computer. I think there’s a problem."