I’m eating some chicken soup my mother made (yes, true!) while reading an article online, when I decide to ask my mother the big question that will finally decide the course of Western history.
Me: Â Mom, are you a feminist?
Mom: Â Uh, what do you mean?
Me: Â Do you consider yourself a feminist?
Mom: Â Â Well, I always worked as a woman.
Me: Â That doesn’t mean you are a feminist. Do you believe in equal pay for men and women?
Mom: Â Â Yes.
Me: Â And do you believe that both a man and a woman can be the boss?
Mom: Â Â Of course. I was an office manager.
Me: Â Will you vote for a woman president?
Mom: Â Â Sure. Like Hillary Clinton. But it’s not like I’m going to vote for that Kardashian woman just because she’s a woman.
Me: Â Do you think a feminist should look a certain way? Â Like not wear lipstick or shave her legs?
Mom: Â She could do what she wants. Â I mean, eventually, she’ll probably have to shave her legs at least once. Â If she wants to date. Â Or before her wedding.
Me: Â And what do you think about the different roles of mothers and fathers?
Mom: Â Â Well, I do believe that a parent should stay at home with a young child.
Me: Â Aha! Â Gotcha! Â So, you think a mother should stay at home?
Mom: Â Â No, it could be the father.
Me: Â Interesting. Â So it doesn’t matter?
Mom: Â I think women tend to have a better touch with young kids, but if the woman makes more money than her husband, what’s the difference? Â As long as one of them stays home.
Me: Â Hmm… so, isn’t it a bit hypocritical considering that you didn’t follow your own rule. Â You and dad both worked. Â You weren’t always home for me. Â Is this why I’m in therapy?
Mom: Â Â No, you’re in therapy because you’re crazy. I DID stayed at home until you went to first grade. Don’t you remember?
Me: Â Not really.
Mom: Â And then when I worked in the city, you always had your Grandma Annette to go to after school in case I had to work late.
Me: Â Still sounds like I was a latch-key child without a home. Â I’m blaming feminism for giving me social anxiety.
Mom: Â Â Maybe, but remember this, with both of us working, at least we were able to afford to send you to an expensive college. Â Where you ended up studying poetry.
Me: Â OK, well, thank you for that. Â And talking about college. Â Here’s a big issue today. Â Do you think both men and women are equipped to study in fields such as math, science, and engineering?
Mom: Â Â I wish YOU had studied in math, science, and engineering rather than being an English major who spends time taking photos on his iPhone. Â Maybe that’s why you’re in therapy!
Me: Â So you believe women belong in technology?
Mom: Â Mrs. Kubota’s daughter, Grace, works in Silicon Valley and sends her mother on a cruise every year. So, yes, women can work in match, science, and engineering.
My mother goes into the kitchen.
Mom: Â Would you like some more soup?
Me: Â No, thanks.
Mom: Â Â Are you sure? There’s only a little left.
Me: Â Mom, we are talking feminism here.
Mom: Â Â So, you can’t be a Jewish mother and a feminist?
Me: Â OK, I’ll have some more soup.
My mother pours me some more soup.
Me: Â And while we’re at it, let’s discuss cooking at home? Do you think that is more a job for a wife than a husband?
Mom: Â Ha Ha, no.
Me: Â So why didn’t Dad ever cook? You did all the cooking. That wasn’t fair.
Mom: Â Â Well, that’s me marrying wrong. Or the fault of Grandma Annette for never showing your father how to make anything other than a peanut butter sandwich. That’s how it was back then. But today, men love to cook. When you watch Top Chef, half of the best chefs are men, so I sure hope they are also making dinner at home for their wives. Â In fact, this weekend, I’m showing you how to make a brisket.
Me: Â What about cleaning? Why do women do more of the cleaning at home? That’s also not fair.
Mom: Â Â Now THAT has to change. The biggest scam ever created. Â By men.
Me: Â So you ARE a feminist?
Mom: Â Â Yes. And I think cleaning the house equally should be the top priority.
Case Closed. Â My mother is a feminist.