For years, I have been jealous of the power of the mothers online. Why do they get all the attention and freebies? I’m a competive person, and I’ve been scratching my head for months, trying to come up with some gimmick that would beat these arrogant bloggers at their own game. And then. the idea came to me. Eureka! Why not start a mommyblog, make it 100x better than everyone else’s, sell advertising, and become a big success?
I can hear you laughing.
“He’s not a mom!” you say, snickering. “How can he compete with ME and steal my advertisers?”
Here’s where I pull the rabbit from my sleeve.
Her name is Elaine Kramer. She is a mother. My mother.
Compared to your measly knowledge of motherhood, she has DECADES OF EXERIENCE. If you need a heart transplant, do you want the fresh-faced kid one year out of medical school OR the VETERAN who has seen and done it all? Mommybloggers love to give advice, when in reality they know SHIT. Big deal — you can pick up some poop. My mother knows about picking up the poop, sending her son off to pre-school, being a WAHM, being a SAHM, arranging birthday parties, dealing with a husband, catching her son playing with himself in the bathroom, seeing a child going off to college, seeing him getting married, AND seeing him getting separated?
THE REST OF YOU ARE POSEURS compared to my mother!
Have any parenting issues? Get all your answers at my new blog, Motherhood Advice. THE BEST AND MOST COMPLETE MOMMYBLOGGING BLOG IN THE BLOGOSPHERE. Don’t be a sucker and read blogs by neophytes who don’t know a a mother’s tit from a teenager’s fit! Why not choose someone with years of experience?! My mother!
Advertisers welcome. Please attend the Motherhood Advice Party at BlogHer, sponsored by Streit’s Matzoh.
(I probably am too lazy to actually start this blog, but ask my mother a puzzling parenting question and I’ll get her to answer one of the questions for you in the next post)