I’m eating some chicken soup my mother made (yes, true!) while reading an article online, when I decide to ask my mother the big question that will finally decide the course of Western history.
Me: Mom, are you a feminist?
Mom: Uh, what do you mean?
Me: Do you consider yourself a feminist?
Mom: Well, I always worked as a woman.
Me: That doesn’t mean you are a feminist. Do you believe in equal pay for men and women?
Mom: Yes.
Me: And do you believe that both a man and a woman can be the boss?
Mom: Of course. I was an office manager.
Me: Will you vote for a woman president?
Mom: Sure. Like Hillary Clinton. But it’s not like I’m going to vote for that Kardashian woman just because she’s a woman.
Me: Do you think a feminist should look a certain way? Like not wear lipstick or shave her legs?
Mom: She could do what she wants. I mean, eventually, she’ll probably have to shave her legs at least once. If she wants to date. Or before her wedding.
Me: And what do you think about the different roles of mothers and fathers?
Mom: Well, I do believe that a parent should stay at home with a young child.
Me: Aha! Gotcha! So, you think a mother should stay at home?
Mom: No, it could be the father.
Me: Interesting. So it doesn’t matter?
Mom: I think women tend to have a better touch with young kids, but if the woman makes more money than her husband, what’s the difference? As long as one of them stays home.
Me: Hmm… so, isn’t it a bit hypocritical considering that you didn’t follow your own rule. You and dad both worked. You weren’t always home for me. Is this why I’m in therapy?
Mom: No, you’re in therapy because you’re crazy. I DID stayed at home until you went to first grade. Don’t you remember?
Me: Not really.
Mom: And then when I worked in the city, you always had your Grandma Annette to go to after school in case I had to work late.
Me: Still sounds like I was a latch-key child without a home. I’m blaming feminism for giving me social anxiety.
Mom: Maybe, but remember this, with both of us working, at least we were able to afford to send you to an expensive college. Where you ended up studying poetry.
Me: OK, well, thank you for that. And talking about college. Here’s a big issue today. Do you think both men and women are equipped to study in fields such as math, science, and engineering?
Mom: I wish YOU had studied in math, science, and engineering rather than being an English major who spends time taking photos on his iPhone. Maybe that’s why you’re in therapy!
Me: So you believe women belong in technology?
Mom: Mrs. Kubota’s daughter, Grace, works in Silicon Valley and sends her mother on a cruise every year. So, yes, women can work in match, science, and engineering.
My mother goes into the kitchen.
Mom: Would you like some more soup?
Me: No, thanks.
Mom: Are you sure? There’s only a little left.
Me: Mom, we are talking feminism here.
Mom: So, you can’t be a Jewish mother and a feminist?
Me: OK, I’ll have some more soup.
My mother pours me some more soup.
Me: And while we’re at it, let’s discuss cooking at home? Do you think that is more a job for a wife than a husband?
Mom: Ha Ha, no.
Me: So why didn’t Dad ever cook? You did all the cooking. That wasn’t fair.
Mom: Well, that’s me marrying wrong. Or the fault of Grandma Annette for never showing your father how to make anything other than a peanut butter sandwich. That’s how it was back then. But today, men love to cook. When you watch Top Chef, half of the best chefs are men, so I sure hope they are also making dinner at home for their wives. In fact, this weekend, I’m showing you how to make a brisket.
Me: What about cleaning? Why do women do more of the cleaning at home? That’s also not fair.
Mom: Now THAT has to change. The biggest scam ever created. By men.
Me: So you ARE a feminist?
Mom: Yes. And I think cleaning the house equally should be the top priority.
Case Closed. My mother is a feminist.
November 17, 2014 at 6:30 pm
Can she be my mom, too?
November 17, 2014 at 6:31 pm
your mother is AWESOME.
November 17, 2014 at 6:32 pm
I love your mom.
Neil, are you a feminist?
November 17, 2014 at 6:33 pm
Well, I loved your mom already, but now? Now she’s my hero! EQUAL CLEANING DUTIES FOR MEN AND WOMEN!
November 17, 2014 at 6:33 pm
Imagine if more people considered it from so many angles. Wish I could sit for soup and sense with your mom.
November 17, 2014 at 6:38 pm
“You can’t be a Jewish mother and a feminist?” Perfect.
November 17, 2014 at 6:47 pm
Case closed…
and now I need some soup.
November 17, 2014 at 6:56 pm
What am AMAZING mother you have!
November 17, 2014 at 7:03 pm
Neil, you’re mom is a feminist and she’s real funny too. I agree with everything she said (except for the part about Hillary !) Licht.
November 17, 2014 at 7:08 pm
Loved this, Neil. She got you on the studying of poetry at the expensive college they worked their tuchuses off to send you to! 😉
November 17, 2014 at 7:20 pm
I love your mom! Now maybe you’d better write her a nice feminist poem so that degree goes to some good use 😉
November 17, 2014 at 7:51 pm
“No, you’re in therapy because you’re crazy.” <– Your mom is a riot!
November 17, 2014 at 10:03 pm
That was my favorite line in the entire thing.
November 17, 2014 at 7:55 pm
How I love your mom. She is so with the program.
November 17, 2014 at 8:34 pm
The Mom has it going on. She’s nobody’s fool. I bet she makes damn good chicken soup too, doesn’t she?
November 17, 2014 at 10:09 pm
I like this a lot 🙂
November 17, 2014 at 11:30 pm
I agree: cleaning it’s the biggest scam and should be top priority issue.
Your mom is awesome. You ain’t so bad either. Feminists raise great children. 😉
November 17, 2014 at 11:57 pm
I would watch a webseries of you and your mother.
November 19, 2014 at 4:33 pm
Yes, please.
November 18, 2014 at 7:50 am
Case closed. Neil deemed crazy by his mother.
November 18, 2014 at 1:43 pm
“I know how to make a brisket. I share household cleaning duties.”
The Tinder requests will come pouring in!
November 18, 2014 at 2:40 pm
Her secret ingredient is… Ketchup.
November 18, 2014 at 6:56 pm
Your mom is seriously the best. LOVE her!
November 19, 2014 at 4:34 pm
Thank you, Neil’s mom!
November 21, 2014 at 5:40 pm
Well your mom is my hero. Men and women SHOULD share equal household duties! I currently have this issue with my husband… *sigh*
November 27, 2014 at 3:18 pm
Your mom needs her own blog. She’s funny and smart. My favorite line is this:
No, you’re in therapy because you’re crazy.
She knows how to keep life simple…
November 28, 2014 at 2:23 am
Hey Neil,
Are those binders full of women?
November 28, 2014 at 8:51 pm
Haha. Your mom sounds like she is one heck of an awesome woman. Love how she keeps it real and honest.
November 29, 2014 at 4:59 pm
This feels like part of a play in the making…
December 3, 2014 at 10:03 pm
I want to nominate this for something. Anything.
It. Is. Brilliant.
And a post-Seinfeld TV show.