A little bit of Reworkable Shaping Gel

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Sophia doing something to my hair

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the “Jonathan from All My Children” look!

As requested, what I looked like two weeks ago during my crazy “bohemian” days –

According to the BBC:

Barbra Streisand’s concert in Rome next month should be cancelled because of excessively high ticket prices, consumer groups in Italy have said.

The Adusbef and Codacons groups urged the city and the Italian Olympic Committee to deny Streisand use of the Stadio Flaminio on 15 June.

Prices, ranging from 150 euros (£100) to more than 900 euros (£600), were “absurd and shameful”, the groups said.

Streisand’s Rome concert will kick off her European tour.

The consumer groups said that the use of the stadium for such an “immoral deal” is “shameful for a civilized country.”

Of course — now on sale — Italian designed Rene Caovilla Beaded Slingbacks –  only $1,250 at Bergdorf Goodman! 

Where’s our consumer groups?

(And I’m sure Barbra owns a pair)

(And my second gay post in a week!  At least it wasn’t about ABBA)

(Elsewhere — my latest post on Poetry Thursday — a somewhat uncomfortable piece about anger)

(In other music news, Sophia Lansky votes for Blake twenty times, calling American Idol a farce and starting a conspiracy theory that the producers picked a final song they knew that Jordin could sing well and Blake would suck at)

(And that was the best song in a nationwide American Idol contest?  My song about latkes at the Christmahanukwanzaakah Online Holiday Concert concert was better)

A Year Ago on Citizen of the Month:  The Buddy System

The Boyfriend Trouser — for the woman who doen’t have a boyfriend, but wants to make believe she does.

The Nike Cap — For the couch potato who doesn’t play golf like Tiger Woods, but wants to make believe he does.

The Leather Jacket — for the person who isn’t tough, but wants to make believe he is.

Friendster – for the person who doesn’t have any friends, but wants to make believe she does.

Technorati — for the person who isn’t important, but wants to make believe he is.

A Year Ago in Citizen of the Month: Man and Woman: Morning

I received an email today asking if Sophia and I got along during our road trip.  And the answer is, “Yes.”  This is very surprising because we usually have our worst fights while on the road.  All the new stimuli can create a lot of tension.  So, what was different this time?  Did therapy help?  Prozac?  “The Secret?”

No. 

It is something I would like to nominate for the 2007 Nobel Peace Prize.

For generations, there has been war.  Each time a man and woman get together to travel to a new destination, the fragile harmony is always broken by bickering and verbal insults.

“Why don’t you ask for directions?” the woman asks, her voice shrill with nagging.

“I have a c**k, woman!” the hot-headed male responds.  “It will point me in the right direction.”

“It certainly had a lot of trouble pointing anywhere last night!” she answers, throwing the first grenade, signalling a readiness to use weapons of mass destruction on the male’s Achilles heel — his ego.  

Soon, the male brings up the female’s “weight,” which means only one thing —  all-out war. 

How many divorces have occurred over asking directions?   Throughout history, this event has occurred over and over again – on camels, on horse and buggies, on Volkswagen Bugs (I punch you).  The Trojan War — started over bad directions.   Henry VIII killed his third wife for constantly bringing up a right turn he made in London once when he was supposed to go left.

But now — FINALLY — there is peace and love on our modern highways and freeways.   There is fraternity among the sexes.   The automobile has become a friendly place again.  There is less fighting over directions, and more lovemaking in the backseat — all because of one invention.

The Future Winner of the 2007 Nobel Peace Prize — GPS Navigation!

How can you argue over a robot chick with a pleasant voice who knows how to go EVERYWHERE? 

A Year Ago on Citizen of the Month:  Really Extreme Makeover:  Home Edition

“Thou shalt not covet your neighbor’s house” spoke God, and a lightening bolt hit the table and ingrained the tenth commandment in stone for eternity. Moses, his hair turned white from being in the presence of God, shook in fear.

“But how will I get the chosen people to follow these commandments, Lord? I am but one small man. And the chosen people are a stiff-necked group of nudniks who are always arguing with one another. Couldn’t you have chosen a group that was more mellow, like the Amish? Surely the Israelites will not believe that I actually chatted with YOU.”

“Don’t worry, Moses. The answer is simple. Change them each $29.95 to learn the “secret” commandments and before you know it, you’ll be on Oprah and they’ll be standing on line to buy The Commandments on DVD.”

Recently, I’ve read a couple of bloggers talking about “The Secret,” some sort of new Age self-help book/video/audiotape/budding industry that was talked about on Oprah. Oprah speaks, people listen.

Now, I should admit that I have not seen this DVD or read the book, so I have very little to say about the content of this material. It might be inspirational. It might make me a changed man. But — the thing that annoys me about this “Secret” is the way it is being marketed. First of all, I was immediately turned off by their flashy, overproduced website. On the website, there is a lot of talk about “secret membership” and your choice of watching the video online for five bucks or buying the DVD for thirty dollars.

To me, the subtext says: inaccessibility. Why use Flash technology? Why do I have to download a special video codec from Vividas just to watch the trailer? And frankly — WHY should I pay for something so astounding? If this Secret really will change the world, shouldn’t this information be shouted out from rooftops everywhere? Shouldn’t it be freely spread throughout the world in order to make it a better place?

Rhonda Byrne

I’m not against someone making money. But the editor, Rhonda Byrne, former producer of “What’s Cooking” and “The World’s Greatest TV Commercials,” admits that she is just revealing a secret that has already been with us for centuries, albeit only for the elite.

The Secret is released to the world! This ground-breaking feature length movie presentation reveals The Great Secret of the universe. It has been passed throughout the ages, traveling through centuries… to reach you and humankind.

This is The Secret to everything - the secret to unlimited joy, health, money, relationships, love, youth: everything you have ever wanted.

In this astonishing program are ALL the resources you will ever need to understand and live The Secret. For the first time in history, the world’s leading scientists, authors, and philosophers will reveal The Secret that utterly transformed the lives of every person who ever knew it… Plato, Newton, Carnegie, Beethoven, Shakespeare, Einstein.

Now, if this is all true, then HOLY S**T, that is some cool stuff. Someone should be GIVING away this information for free. Don’t worry, Ms. Byrne. You will not starve for all your hard work if you give away this information for free. After everyone has unlimited happiness and money, I’m sure you will be handsomely rewarded. But to make people buy a DVD to learn this amazing secret is simply immoral. It is like Moses charging for the Ten Commandments. It is like Jonas Salk discovering the cure for polio and only sharing it with his friends.

What’s with this selfishness, Ms. Byrne? Shouldn’t this information be offered to poor people for free? What about those without internet access? Or those without DVD players? Shouldn’t the United Nations be in on this?

Of course, I am just taking what you say at FACE VALUE — that this information of the Secret with bring in a “New Era for Humankind.” I would hate to think that all this is just cheesy marketing gimmick used to package the idea of “mind over matter,” a concept that has been around since Philosophy 101 in college.

I also notice that you include Henry Ford on your list of great visionary leaders who knew “The Secret.”

Henry Ford

He certainly was an innovator, but considering that he was a nasty guy, an anti-Semite, and a Nazi sympathizer, I seriously doubt that “the Secret” alone will make this a better world.

A Year Ago on Citizen of the Month: Know Thyself… Very Little

A Year Ago on Citizen of the Month:  The Jewish Blogger

Story One — The Bar in Queens 

I left New York rather quickly last month, so I don’t think I publicly said how much I enjoyed seeing Sandra, Caitlin, Anonymous City Girl, Tatyana, and Claudette. 

One of the funniest meetings was with Caitlin and her boyfriend, Billy.  We planned to meet in a bar in Queens.  I arrived a few minutes early and was waiting by the jukebox in front.  Some pretty girl walked in and stared at me for a second and then just passed me by.  She sat at the bar.  I looked over at her and she looked my way, but then she turned away and ignored me.  She started a conversation with the guy sitting next to her at the bar.

I continued to wait for Caitlin and Billy. 

Every few minutes, I felt someone looking at me.  It was that girl at the bar.  I would look over at her and she would look away.  Now, the guy at the bar turned to me for a second, then turned away.

Was this Caitlin and Billy?  And why don’t they come over to me?  Isn’t it apparent that I am waiting for them by the front entrance?  It can’t be them.  Wouldn’t Caitlin and Billy come together?  Maybe this girl at the bar just thinks my overcoat looks funny and she is making fun of me?  Should I go over to them?  Will that dude who is talking to her think I am cutting in and kick my ass in the alley?

I came up with the perfect solution.  Caitlin had called me on my phone earlier, so I had her phone number stored in memory.  I’ll call her up and if this girl answers the phone, I’ll know it is her. If not, I’ll know that she hasn’t arrived yet.

I dialed Caitlin’s phone number.  A phone rang at the bar and the girl answered.

Caitlin:  Hello.

She looked my way.

Neil:  Hi, I think this is me and you are you.

Caitlin:  Oh, hi!

Neil:  What should we do now?  Should I go over there?

Caitlin:  Sure.  Thanks for calling!

Neil:  Anytime.  Nice speaking to you.  Bye!

Caitlin:  Bye-bye!

It was Caitlin… and Billy.  We sat down in the restaurant area to order some dinner.  We noticed that patrons at different tables were eating completely different types of food:  Chinese food, pizza, and even fried chicken.  “What a diverse menu!” I said.  It ended up being that since the bar didn’t serve food, they handed everyone a bunch of take-out menus, and patrons just got food delivered to their table from some outside restaurant.  So, I used my phone again and ordered some pizza.

Story Two — The Free Phone

Last year, I received a free Sprint phone and six months of service as part of the Sprint Ambassador Program for bloggers.  I wasn’t required to write about the phone on my blog but (wink wink).   Sophia was so jealous that she emailed them and convinced them to send HER a second phone since she was my blog editor.

Six months later, the gig was up.  Bloggers around the country said good-bye to their Sprint phones.  Sophia, of course, found it difficult to say goodbye.  She loved playing with all the applications.  She even used the GPS program she downloaded on the phone as she walked around New York.  She convinced me to write a suck-up post to Sprint so we could be participants in the new “phase” of the Sprint Ambassador program.  It didn’t work.  My days of free stuff for blogging came to an end, and I went back to paying for my measly phone service like the rest of you suckers.  It was my own fault.  I didn’t pimp them enough AND I never really gave them any feedback.  Honestly, I didn’t use any of the cool applications other than reading my blog comments on the phone.  On the other hand, Sophia downloaded music, played “Lemonade,” text messaged, watched TV, etc. and had an opinion on every single thing about the phone, including the size of the buttons, and emailed Sprint all the time, telling them how they could do it better.

So, guess which of us got a NEW phone for another six months for this Sprint Ambassador Program?  And which of us was refused as a participant for being a promotional dud?

Story Three — Stupid Commercial

I really hate that new Cingular ad where these two dudes have just downloaded The Clash’s “Rock the Casbah” on their phone and are singing it incorrectly as “Lock the Cashbox.”

At first it bothered me because they were mangling one of my favorite songs and making me feel old, but on second thought I just found it insulting to the intelligence of Cingular’s customers, such as myself.  Those idiots just DOWNLOADED a song titled “Rock the Casbah” and they can’t figure out what the refrain is?  Didn’t they have to look it up first to download it?

“Dude, I just downloaded “Rock the Casbah” but I can’t understand what these British guys are saying.  Is it “Lock the Cashbox?” 

The real idiots are the copywriters that created this one.

A Year Ago on Citizen of the Month:  CES: Day Two

 
Your pet can take a photo
with Santa at PetSmart!

I don’t know if I will make this a tradition of actually writing about every single person I make my “Blog Crush of the Day,” but tomorrow my crush will be the ultra-popular Laurie of “Crazy Aunt Purl.”  For some reason, I have always been attracted to someone very different than myself.  Laurie is a Southerner who writes a knitting blog.  On paper, I have absolutely nothing in common with her — which perfectly explains why I am fascinated with her. 

Like many women, Laurie loves her cats.  She even writes about them today.  I’m always making fun of her cats.  I’ve never had a pet, so maybe I just can’t relate.  I’ve always wanted a dog, but never had the chance to own one. 

On TV, I’ve been noticing advertisements for PetSmart, which is touting itself as the best place to buy your pet a Christmas gift.  I asked her this question, and I want to ask you the same:

“I’m curious, as a pet owner, do you actually give your dog or cat a Christmas or Hanukkah gift?”

In the past, I might have thought you were odd if you said “yes,” but I think my views are changing.  If someone is so loving with their pets, maybe this person is as giving with everyone, including her friends and family. 

Still, be prepared for my mother to make fun of you when she reads, “Of course I give my poodle a gift.”  

My mother will probably say, “Those blodgers are crazy!”

For the upcoming Poetry Thursday
demographic:  hot Yoga chicks

I’ve mastered my emotions
Through tantric practices
Through careful meditation
I’m a Ayurvedic wiz
I know my Bhakti Yoga
I’ve sat with Liz Elayne
I’ve read my Upanishads
While posing in the rain
To reach my inner chakras
is actually quite hard
That’s why I feel my oneness
With the Enlightenment Visa Card

You know how several times a year, you get offers for credit cards from every organization you’ve ever been connected with:  the AAA, your college alumni, Amazon.com.  Do you have any doubt that if my penis would apply for a Mastercard, that he would be approved for one?

I just happened to find the idea of an Enlightenment Visa card amusing.   From their website:

Finally, a credit card for people like us

Some people say money is evil…

We say “how” money is used determines the effect.

The Enlightenment Card was founded on the idea that money is energy and if used with positive and integrative intention, can have the power to affect change in our lives and the world. Everyone uses a credit card, so why not have one where people can earn points towards positive products and services that enhances their overall “Conscious” life path? Some of the categories of rewards you can earn points toward are yoga classes, organic products, retreats + workshops, travel, books + DVD’s, personal care, spa treatments, and more…And, members can even redeem their points to make donations to charities such as Trees for the Future.

Is collecting 154,000 Reward Points for a Thai Yoga Massage at a fancy resort really that much better than American Airlines Frequent Flier Miles?

There are eight different cards you can choose from, including “Truth,” “Love,” and “Peace,” each with a different “spiritual” picture on it.

I LOVE the Enlightenment Card’s slogan:  “Changing your world with every point you earn.” 

After I made my blog “pink” for Breast Awareness Month, I received a surprising email from someone who is against the whole concept of ”awareness” month.  It seems as if there are quite a few people out there who think corporations are using their support of breast cancer for their own profit and brand awareness.  Are yogurt brands really interested in breast cancer or are they just marketing to women?  

From the blog  I Blame the Patriarchy:

But where’s the activism? The ostensible focus of all this pseudo-philanthropic pink jockeying is a kind of nebulous breast cancer ‘awareness’, rather than any serious effort at prevention or investigation into what actually causes breast cancer in the first place. Furthermore, once all this ‘awareness’ has produced, via mammography outreach programs or self-exam propaganda (both masquerading as ‘prevention’), a positive diagnosis, there’s not any great push to secure treatment for underserved women.

I don’t agree with this type of reasoning.   A lot of money is going to good use and all this corporate sponsorship is surely helping.  Or is it?

Politicians support virtually unopposable ‘bipartisan’ breast cancer funding initiatives as directed by behemoths like the massively influential and reactionary Komen Foundation and come out smelling like a rose. The rank and file, conditioned by now to believe that there’s no problem shopping can’t solve, are invited to feel virtuous and altruistic whenever they buy a Yoplait yogurt or a pink KitchenAid mixer.

My question for these naysayers:  would it be better if it were the other way — and there was no corporate sponsorship?  And isn’t this exactly what progressives have been asking for — for corporations to be more responsive to their consumers?  You think supermarkets (and Walmart) are completely altruistic because they have started to carry organic foods?  Or Starbucks carrying coffee from certain countries?  Of course they hope to make profits while doing some “good.”

But, I thank you, e-mailer, for opening my eyes to an interesting topic.

This mix of promotion and politics was on my mind last night when I thought about going to the movies by myself.   With Sophia in New York for October, I thought about finding the movie with the most sex in it.

I read about Shortbus, a film by the director of “Hedwig and the Angry Inch,” which is supposed filled with actors having real-life sex.  Perfect!

Now, once upon a time, moviegoers used to go to pornographic movies because they were horny or wanted to have some fun.  Things are different today.  You buy Yoplait yogurt because they support breast cancer awareness.  And you go to a porno movie because it is anti-Bush.  I read this before heading out the door –

A US film featuring actors performing real sex is a “call to arms” against President George W. Bush, the director told journalists at the Cannes film festival.

“Shortbus,” an explicit, largely improvised arthouse flick is a direct provocation, director John Cameron Mitchell admitted.

“It’s a little bit of a cri de coeur to us, a little bit of a call to arms” against the prevailing conservatism, he told a media conference, adding that his country was living in “the era of Bush, which is about clamping down, being scared.”

The 43-year-old, whose previous work was “Hedwig and the Angry Inch,” about a transsexual rock singer, said the film was his own small act of defiance against Bush.

“If you can’t do elections you might as well do erections,” he said.

Oh, I see.   So, now the Whole Foods crowd, doesn’t have to feel guilty about going to see a SEX movie.  They are going to see an anti-Bush film.  In fact, by going to see to this movie — it’s a vote against the administration.

Yogurt as a breast cancer awareness tool.   Dislike of George Bush as a reason to see people f***ing.

I decided against going to the movies.  I went to a local juice bar wearing my pink breast cancer bracelet, met a cute girl, and asked her if she wanted to come back to my place to “protest the policies of the current administration.”

A Year Ago on Citizen of the Month:  Survivor: Santa Fe