One of my favorite people, Sarah G, wrote this comment on my last post —
Okay.Â Â So you lately have all of these kinds of posts. So I stopped coming by all of the time and stopped commenting as often.Â Â Not important; but.. are you serious that these are your plans?Â Â Â Does that mean the chances with Sophia are over? Â Cause if they’re not..how do these plans help those?
Otherwise; you’re probably right about social media. So make it count 🙂
Sarah, you are one of my long-time reader and I truly appreciate your comments.Â It touches me that you care so much about my marriage with Sophia.Â I know you are a spiritual and caring individual.
I can definitely understand you not coming by as often. I can be pretty dumb in my posts.Â I’m not sure why I am so attracted to writing such silliness.Â I think I enjoy the immaturity involved, as if I am embracing another side of my personality.Â I know the “story” of my life can be confusing at times, and it is hard to tell when I am joking or not.Â What is real?Â What is not?Â If I get to to do this “Storytelling” session at BlogHer, my first rule would be to tell others to NEVER do what I do on my blog.
After four and a half years of blogging, I still have no idea what I am doing here, not only in a monetary way, but literary.Â What is Citizen of the Month about?Â Â What’s the point?Â Â What is it saying about me?Â Do I like what it is saying about me?Â Â How is it helping me?Â Â Sometimes I try to write something good or meaningful, but mostly I just want to amuse myself, or others.Â I rarely want to change your minds or educate you.Â Getting a woman to laugh at some sex-related post is a virtual turn-on for me.Â Â It is like I gave her an orgasm, and I can walk to the supermarket with my head held high.
Maybe if I stop trying so hard to please others, I could write differently.Â Or express other things.
I’m not a diarist and always wonder why blogging is so tied to “reality.”Â Is it that everyone wants to be Dooce?Â I don’t even like novels that are completely rooted in journalistic detail.Â I’m the type of person who lives in my head a great deal of time, so writing about the activities of my life kinda bores me.Â Â It is the embellishment and the pondering about the subject that captures my character.Â So, yes, in the last post, I did wonder what it would be like to have sex with someone at BlogHer and be a shitty lay, and have everyone else find out on Twitter.Â Why not?Â There is more “reality” there than in most of my journal-type entries.Â What anxiety!Â Drama!Â Fear!Â Â I am very aware of my relationship with Sophia, and I would hate to hurt anyone’s sensibility, or do something hurtful in my own life.Â Â It doesn’t mean it isn’t on my mind.Â Humor is greatly underappreciated as a source of reality.Â This is how I think in my head.Â Â It is when I am writing something poetic or literary that I am lying to you with fancy words.