One of my favorite people, Sarah G, wrote this comment on my last post —
Okay. So you lately have all of these kinds of posts. So I stopped coming by all of the time and stopped commenting as often. Not important; but.. are you serious that these are your plans? Does that mean the chances with Sophia are over? Cause if they’re not..how do these plans help those?
Otherwise; you’re probably right about social media. So make it count 🙂
Sarah, you are one of my long-time reader and I truly appreciate your comments. It touches me that you care so much about my marriage with Sophia. I know you are a spiritual and caring individual.
I can definitely understand you not coming by as often. I can be pretty dumb in my posts. I’m not sure why I am so attracted to writing such silliness. I think I enjoy the immaturity involved, as if I am embracing another side of my personality. I know the “story” of my life can be confusing at times, and it is hard to tell when I am joking or not. What is real? What is not? If I get to to do this “Storytelling” session at BlogHer, my first rule would be to tell others to NEVER do what I do on my blog.
After four and a half years of blogging, I still have no idea what I am doing here, not only in a monetary way, but literary. What is Citizen of the Month about? What’s the point? What is it saying about me? Do I like what it is saying about me? How is it helping me? Sometimes I try to write something good or meaningful, but mostly I just want to amuse myself, or others. I rarely want to change your minds or educate you. Getting a woman to laugh at some sex-related post is a virtual turn-on for me. It is like I gave her an orgasm, and I can walk to the supermarket with my head held high.
Maybe if I stop trying so hard to please others, I could write differently. Or express other things.
I’m not a diarist and always wonder why blogging is so tied to “reality.” Is it that everyone wants to be Dooce? I don’t even like novels that are completely rooted in journalistic detail. I’m the type of person who lives in my head a great deal of time, so writing about the activities of my life kinda bores me. It is the embellishment and the pondering about the subject that captures my character. So, yes, in the last post, I did wonder what it would be like to have sex with someone at BlogHer and be a shitty lay, and have everyone else find out on Twitter. Why not? There is more “reality” there than in most of my journal-type entries. What anxiety! Drama! Fear! I am very aware of my relationship with Sophia, and I would hate to hurt anyone’s sensibility, or do something hurtful in my own life. It doesn’t mean it isn’t on my mind. Humor is greatly underappreciated as a source of reality. This is how I think in my head. It is when I am writing something poetic or literary that I am lying to you with fancy words.