the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

Dear Sarah G

One of my favorite people, Sarah G, wrote this comment on my last post —

Okay.   So you lately have all of these kinds of posts. So I stopped coming by all of the time and stopped commenting as often.   Not important; but.. are you serious that these are your plans?    Does that mean the chances with Sophia are over?   Cause if they’re do these plans help those?

Otherwise; you’re probably right about social media. So make it count 🙂

Sarah, you are one of my long-time reader and I truly appreciate your comments.  It touches me that you care so much about my marriage with Sophia.  I know you are a spiritual and caring individual.

I can definitely understand you not coming by as often. I can be pretty dumb in my posts.  I’m not sure why I am so attracted to writing such silliness.  I think I enjoy the immaturity involved, as if I am embracing another side of my personality.  I know the “story” of my life can be confusing at times, and it is hard to tell when I am joking or not.  What is real?  What is not?  If I get to to do this “Storytelling” session at BlogHer, my first rule would be to tell others to NEVER do what I do on my blog.

After four and a half years of blogging, I still have no idea what I am doing here, not only in a monetary way, but literary.  What is Citizen of the Month about?   What’s the point?   What is it saying about me?  Do I like what it is saying about me?   How is it helping me?   Sometimes I try to write something good or meaningful, but mostly I just want to amuse myself, or others.  I rarely want to change your minds or educate you.  Getting a woman to laugh at some sex-related post is a virtual turn-on for me.   It is like I gave her an orgasm, and I can walk to the supermarket with my head held high.

Maybe if I stop trying so hard to please others, I could write differently.  Or express other things.

I’m not a diarist and always wonder why blogging is so tied to “reality.”  Is it that everyone wants to be Dooce?  I don’t even like novels that are completely rooted in journalistic detail.  I’m the type of person who lives in my head a great deal of time, so writing about the activities of my life kinda bores me.   It is the embellishment and the pondering about the subject that captures my character.  So, yes, in the last post, I did wonder what it would be like to have sex with someone at BlogHer and be a shitty lay, and have everyone else find out on Twitter.  Why not?  There is more “reality” there than in most of my journal-type entries.  What anxiety!  Drama!  Fear!   I am very aware of my relationship with Sophia, and I would hate to hurt anyone’s sensibility, or do something hurtful in my own life.   It doesn’t mean it isn’t on my mind.  Humor is greatly underappreciated as a source of reality.  This is how I think in my head.   It is when I am writing something poetic or literary that I am lying to you with fancy words.


  1. Lynda

    I thought one of the first blog entries I read here (because I haven’t been reading for 4 years) was about how Sophie wanted you go to out and get laid.

    Good luck at BlogHer!

  2. Peeved Michelle

    Are you really trying to please other people or is that part of the act? I was wondering that after reading your last few tweets. Is that real neurosis or are you enjoying playing the part of the neurotic NY Jew? No criticism either way, just wondering.

  3. sarah g

    I wish I knew better how to respond, seeing as its a Dear Sarah G letter and all.
    Guess it was better than a “Dear John” where I got banned from your readership 🙂

    Yes I care. But I also enjoy your humor. I hope all of the questions you seem to be asking; get answered, or get classified as meaningless and go away.

    But to that end, give Sophia some credit; as to how good you’ll be in the twitter reports 🙂

  4. Miss Grace

    So. Wait. Now are you saying that you DON’T wanna do me at BlogHer? Way to deflate my ego dude.

  5. sizzle

    Your humor and the opportunity to just laugh is why I come here.

    Oh and also for your sexual prowess. RAWR.


  6. Postmodern Sass

    You just hit on it. Stop trying so hard to please others. In fact, stop trying to please them at all. Write for yourself, no one else.

  7. Headless Mom

    I was kinda wondering the same thing about Sophia. Probably because I’m really conservative in relation to the whole married thing. She probably reads all of this though and just laughs because she actually knows you IRL, very well I’m guessing, and can see the reality and the embellishment in posts like that. Right?

  8. Neil

    Headless, we’re also separated, despite it all, so there is some realism there.

  9. churchpunkmom

    Humor and fiction are the spice of blogging. 😉 It gives the readers something to enjoy and gives the authors some freedom of expression.

    I love your blog, Neil. 🙂

  10. Debbie

    I’m new here, came over from Black Hockey Jesus’ post about you. I think that post was hilarious!

    I really like how bloggers like you and BHJ are willing to use blogging for things other than journal entries. It so much more interesting to read than “my baby pooped and then I cried.”

    Although, I am a Dooce reader so I do thoroughly enjoy the poop posts as well!

  11. Aimee Greeblemonkey

    I like you because you say what you feel, especially since that is everchanging.

  12. Corina

    Yes… write for yourself. But also write for others. And you know what, show all sides of your personality, as none of us is one-dimensional. In other words, do what you are doing.

  13. Momo Fali

    When I saw your tweet about wondering how long your “news” would take to spread, I laughed out loud. Because it is so true! I thought it was a great reminder for everyone to remember not to do anything they wouldn’t want their neighbors to know about.

  14. amy

    i just think yr cool dude. I also like how you say what is in yr head. I think you should write and stop thinking… xo

  15. Nat

    You’ve touched on an issue close to my heart. When I write, I always try to be honest and real. However, I also exaggerate to make things more humourous. I do it in such a way that I figure my readers know which parts I’m embelishing.

    When I read others’ blogs, I like the same thing – a core of truth with some less-than-true parts added for humour. I think your blog does that fantastically.

  16. Miguelina

    I happen to like not knowing what crazy thing you’re posting about on a particular day. Trying to figure out the truth quotient is good exercise for the brain, I think.

  17. Elisa

    I don’t understand why you have to define your blogging or stick to a specific style or topic or something. I love that there’s so much variety, my favorite blogs are those where I don’t know what to expect. Who wants to read the same stuff day in and day out?

    Besides, nobody should tell you what to do with your blog. If they like it they’ll come back, otherwise farewell. The fact that we appreciate traffic doesn’t mean we have to bend to our reader’s whims.

    Keep up the awesomeness 🙂

  18. ROV Training

    Didn’t you find inspiration from, “Beware of the man who won’t be bothered with details..”.

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