Citizen of the Month

the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

What Would Jesus Rodriguez, Moralistic Web Developer Geek, Do?

Dear Jesus Rodriguez, Moralistic Web Developer Geek,

I have a dilemma that only you can help me with.  Last night, I was in the bed of a beautiful brunette.  She had invited me there, eager for carnal pleasure.  Our lips were together all night, biting and kissing.  I could feel her wetness with my hand.   She stroked my manhood and whispered into my ear, “I want to feel you inside me.” I had never been more sexually excited in all my life.  All I wanted to do was to make love to this goddess of passion.

But then, the damn guilt set in.   There was a moral dilemma that weighed on my shoulders.  Here she was — a woman with the most sensual body, only twenty-five years old, so full of life, when I glanced over at the calendar hanging over her desk.

It was 1989.

I had to tell her the truth.

“I travelled here in my time machine,” I told her as I felt her perfect breasts.  “I come from 2009.  In the future, we are good friends.  You are mommyblogger married to a wonderful husband.  You have three wonderful children.  After a year of torment and lust, I figured the only way that I could ever sleep with you was to spend the last year downloading the specs to a time machine onto my iphone, and then building it in my mother’s kitchen.”

“What’s an iphone?” she asked.

“Never mind.  You’ll read about it on Twitter.”

“And you live with your MOTHER?”

“Let’s not get into that now.   Time is of the essence”

“So you mean you’re not just an older man who I met in a bar, who wants to teach me everything about sex, but a computer friend from the future who was so desperate to f*ck me, he spent a year building a time machine, just so he can travel back to 1989 just to get into my pants?”

“Uh, yeah.”

“Well, shit.  How can I NOT f*ck you?!”  she said, as she climbed on top of me.  “No one has ever done THAT for me!  Usually they just buy some flowers at Trader Joe’s”

“Wait!” I said, still torn over the moral dilemma.  “But is this right?   Your future husband is a cool guy.  Your children are a delight.  You post photos of them online.”

“I post photos of my children online for everyone to see?  Isn’t that irresponsible?”

“Yeah, but you make money from exploiting them on the blog.”

“Oh, OK,” she said, relieved.

“So what do you think I should do?” I asked.   ” Have sex with you, fulfilling my ultimate fantasy, or just returning back to the future frustrated?”

The woman pondered for a moment.

“Sometimes, when I have a moral dilemma, I ask myself, “What Would Jesus do?”   But then again, I doubt Jesus ever had to deal with issues of time traveling to get laid.”

“Well, first of all I’m Jewish.”

“Really?  I’ve never had sex with someone Jewish!  Do we need to say a prayer or something first?”

“But wait!”  I cried suddenly, with an idea.

“Yes?”

” I DO know of a Jesus who CAN help.   Wait here in bed while I travel back to the future, go on Facebook and ask Jesus Rodriguez a question.”

“Facebook?”

“Avoid it.”

“The future seems really stupid.  By the way, if I have an orgasm with you, can we use the time machine to keep on back to that moment over and over again? — cause that would be nifty!”

Jesus Rodriguez, Moral Web Developer Geek, please help!

Should I have sex with the hot mother of three by going back in time and f**king her before she gets married?

25 Comments

  1. I wish I could live inside your head (I mean BRAIN) for a day. Really, I do.

  2. AllysonHBMomof2

    May 20, 2009 at 12:54 pm

    You are morally depraved, depraved, I say. (And I love it!) Now I am trying to figure out which blogger who happens to be a mom of 3 kids you are talking about!

  3. I think the answer is obvious.

  4. Too funny…and intriguing. Hmmmmmm I wonder what Jesus will advise……

  5. This kind of existential, moral, psuedo-scientifical dilemma seems like more than a mere Jesus Rodriguez can handle!

    This looks more like something you should go to J.J. Adams for advice on. I guarantee he will have some thoughts, theories, and, well, maybe not answers exactly, but some really great questions that will lead you to make your predestined choice.

  6. Time machines always muck things up. Have you learned nothing from popular culture?

  7. It would cause an infinite causality loop. Sleeping with her would cause her to miss the opportunity she had to meet her future husband (because she would be too busy pining for you… duh), which would mean that she never becomes a mommyblogger, and you never lust after her, so you never go back in time, so she DOES meet her husband and becomes a mommyblogger, so…

    See? Just go rub one out to something off youporn; you’ll feel fine in the morning.

  8. oh my… what about sophia?

  9. also? if the statement about it being the most excited you’ve been is true; sad.

  10. Should I have sex with the hot mother of three by going back in time and f**king her before she gets married?

    If you go back in time you might as well take a moment to invent some sort of social network, like Facebook. Just think of all the benefits.

  11. Jack, good point. Rather than sleeping with the woman, better I start Facebook before anyone else does.

  12. Think of all the money you’d make. That sort of wealth provides a lot of options and opportunity.

    Betcha a few of those soon to be single mommy bloggers might be interested in a writer who is also a billionaire.

  13. I only have TWO kids, silly.

  14. Curiously sounds exactly like the season finale of LOST. It’s like a mind meld…

  15. Are you saying that’s the best thing you could think of to do with a time machine? She must be some really hot mama. Do her.

  16. you’re funny and creative and a little nuts. nniiiiicccceee.

    😉

  17. How is this even a dilemma? Oh, right, it’s YOU, Neil. Of course it’s a dilemma. Was that too familiar of me? Whatever. I love that you can’t get over yourself long enough to get off even in your fantasies. Hope Jesus has some good advice. 🙂

  18. I am hoping if you can travel back 20 years, you’d be scoring someone other then a mommy blogger.

  19. I’m disappointed that this is even a moral dilemma.

    Stop thinking with your big head and start using the little head Neil.

    Sheesh. You still have so much to learn.

  20. More proof that you indeed have a very very special brain.

    🙂

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