Dear Jesus Rodriguez, Moralistic Web Developer Geek,
I have a dilemma that only you can help me with. Last night, I was in the bed of a beautiful brunette. She had invited me there, eager for carnal pleasure. Our lips were together all night, biting and kissing. I could feel her wetness with my hand. She stroked my manhood and whispered into my ear, “I want to feel you inside me.” I had never been more sexually excited in all my life. All I wanted to do was to make love to this goddess of passion.
But then, the damn guilt set in. There was a moral dilemma that weighed on my shoulders. Here she was — a woman with the most sensual body, only twenty-five years old, so full of life, when I glanced over at the calendar hanging over her desk.
It was 1989.
I had to tell her the truth.
“I travelled here in my time machine,” I told her as I felt her perfect breasts. “I come from 2009. In the future, we are good friends. You are mommyblogger married to a wonderful husband. You have three wonderful children. After a year of torment and lust, I figured the only way that I could ever sleep with you was to spend the last year downloading the specs to a time machine onto my iphone, and then building it in my mother’s kitchen.”
“What’s an iphone?” she asked.
“Never mind. You’ll read about it on Twitter.”
“And you live with your MOTHER?”
“Let’s not get into that now. Time is of the essence”
“So you mean you’re not just an older man who I met in a bar, who wants to teach me everything about sex, but a computer friend from the future who was so desperate to f*ck me, he spent a year building a time machine, just so he can travel back to 1989 just to get into my pants?”
“Well, shit. How can I NOT f*ck you?!” she said, as she climbed on top of me. “No one has ever done THAT for me! Usually they just buy some flowers at Trader Joe’s”
“Wait!” I said, still torn over the moral dilemma. “But is this right? Your future husband is a cool guy. Your children are a delight. You post photos of them online.”
“I post photos of my children online for everyone to see? Isn’t that irresponsible?”
“Yeah, but you make money from exploiting them on the blog.”
“Oh, OK,” she said, relieved.
“So what do you think I should do?” I asked. ” Have sex with you, fulfilling my ultimate fantasy, or just returning back to the future frustrated?”
The woman pondered for a moment.
“Sometimes, when I have a moral dilemma, I ask myself, “What Would Jesus do?” But then again, I doubt Jesus ever had to deal with issues of time traveling to get laid.”
“Well, first of all I’m Jewish.”
“Really? I’ve never had sex with someone Jewish! Do we need to say a prayer or something first?”
“But wait!” I cried suddenly, with an idea.
” I DO know of a Jesus who CAN help. Wait here in bed while I travel back to the future, go on Facebook and ask Jesus Rodriguez a question.”
“The future seems really stupid. By the way, if I have an orgasm with you, can we use the time machine to keep on back to that moment over and over again? — cause that would be nifty!”
Jesus Rodriguez, Moral Web Developer Geek, please help!
Should I have sex with the hot mother of three by going back in time and f**king her before she gets married?