One of the dangers of being an innovator like myself, is that, after your idea is realized, some jerk like Thomas Edison comes along, steals the idea of the light bulb and throws his name on it. Did you know that in 1608, the Dutch inventor Hans Lippershey completed the first telescope, but he was denied a patent for it. The next year, Galileo read about it and built his own telescope. Guess which which of these two men became immortalized in movies, plays, and books, got a mention in a bombastic Queen song, and had his name used for a NASA mission to Jupiter? Was it the genius or the sleazy crook? Galileo, that jackass.
A few years back, I was like Hans Lippershey. Inspiration hit me like a diet Snapple bottle thrown from the second floor terrace of a New York City apartment building. I had an idea. Rather than just having a boring ol’ blogroll, I would create a “Blog Crush of the Day.” Every day I would add a new, amazingly talented blogger to the list, and at the end of the year, I would delete the list and start from scratch. As you may have noticed, when 2009 arrived, I started again from an empty slate, erasing everyone from memory, much like we are trying to do with the Bush Administration.
But what was once a brilliant idea is now stale. I’ve seen dozens of bloggers — even some of you — with “Blog Crushes of the Day.” What was once fresh, is now as out-of-step with the world as General Motors.
But if there is one concept that I have learned from reading all the boring social media experts on Twitter, it is that we must always innovate, always be one step ahead of the pack, especially in the online world of professional blogging. Remember when AOL was the big man on the internet campus? Remember Friendster? Remember when we used Internet Explorer rather than Firefox? Times have changed, especially in blogging. How can a little personal blogger like myself ever compete in a world where bloggers are giving away Wii-fits, Disney cruises, and throw glamorous Obama inauguration parties featuring free Quaker Oatmeal? My measly “Blog Crush of the Day” cannot compete in such a marketplace.
It’s the same feeling I get as I write this screenplay. Modern audiences don’t just want witty dialogue and realistic characters. They want MORE. They need punching, fruit stands getting knocked over, and wild sex in hot tubs!
I need to raise the stakes of my “Blog Crush of the Day,” to make it something so compelling, that receiving this honor will make your day, even make it one of the greatest days of your life, after marriage, birth of first child, and that really good one-night stand you once had in that Miami hotel.
A simple “Blog Crush of the Day” written in my sidebar will not just cut it. That is why, from now on, each “Blog Crush of the Day” will not only receive a simple mention on my blog. They will also receive a PERSONALIZED “Blog Crush” greeting in my REAL VOICE in an AUDIO EMAIL send to their email account, via my new iPhone! Imagine waking up in the morning, before your daily coffee, your eyesight blurry, your hair a mess, cursing the day ahead of you. You turn on your computer to read your email, almost in fear of some bad news, like your company going bankrupt, or facing a multitude of spam messages all wanting to help you grow a bigger penis, but instead you see this unusual message:
From Neil at Citizen of the Month, an audio note!
“What can it be?” you ask yourself. “Can it be…? Can it really be…?”
Yes, it is. You will hear my lovable New York accent, and suddenly, the rays of the sun will peer through the venetian blinds, a little bird will sing to you from outside the window, and LIFE will be GOOD again! You will be the “Blog Crush of the Day.”
More Blogging News:
1) The Great Interview Experiment is now officially a year old. I apologize for being lax with it. It will soon be revived on its own website.
2) I’m going to try to respond more to your comments and email you back, so I will be a better citizen of the blogosphere.
You should e-mail audio-erotica for auto-erotic acts: “You are my blog crush of the day, and what follows is what I would be doing to you right now if you were here….”
You rock!
I want a new iPhone! You are way cooler than I am!!!
Incredible! I was just sitting in the dark contemplating blogiside.
New and Improved Blog Crush Saves!
What I wouldn’t give to be Miguelina.
You do have a most lovable accent, I must say! I was honored to be your Vegas Vixen the other day and I hope you’ll send me an audio note, too.
“that really good one-night stand you once had in that Miami hotel.”
So, tell me how you knew about THAT!? (P.S. it wasn’t Miami)
So what are you getting at here? You invented the light bulb?
Will be awaiting my audio note.
Motivating the blogoshere to better it’s writing in order to deserve the honor of your award. Your commitment to selfishness (wasn’t that yesterdays post?)astounds me.
Well…. You ought to know that when I was on your Blog Crush blogroll, I felt stellar. I never thanked you and I should have. So thank you.
OMG- I can only hope to be BCOTD twice! xo
Just be you.
Which by the way; how are you? (no jokes, puns and innuendos accepted as response).
I can see people working really, really hard to become the blog crush of the day just so they can hear your voice.
You’ve single-handedly caused the blogging bar to rise.
Good job. Now I’ll never be awesome.
Wee! Me first!
Now I’ll be checking my email obsessively ALL DAY.
you are such a trendsetter. pretty soon everyone will be sending out audio emails just to be like you!
and somehow i totally missed when i was blog crush of the day. i saw my name on the list after the fact, but i never knew when it was my day. now i can’t wait to see my name in lights!
Way to keep getting bigger and better.
Backpacking – I will save that auto-erotic message for you.
Pumpkin – Coolness does not come from a phone. It comes from within, like the Fonz.
3Boys1Mommy – Yes, like how they say on cereal boxes — new and improved bran flakes!
180/360 — Don’t worry, I will send a audio messages to those from last week.
Kenju — You need to write a post about that one night stand. And where WAS it?
Amy Nathan — Yes, I did invent the light bulb. Will that impress women?
Caron — that’s right. Unlike you, who singlehandedly brought down the Bush administration, I am all about me now.
JChevais — You are welcome.
Amy — You may regret it when you hear my accent.
Sarah G — thanks for asking. Send you an email.
Betsey — You may never be as awesome, but you are way hotter than I will ever be.
Miguelina — Send audio. Did it work?
Natalie — I am a trendsetter. Wait until everyone at blogher sees me in my nehru jacket…
Churlita — “Way to keep getting bigger and better.”
That’s exactly the same message I got in a spam email this morning!
Could you do it in a robot voice? That would be cool.
We have a statue of the Fonz here in Milwaukee. So, actually, coolness comes from Milwaukee.
Wild sex in a hot tub really does not appeal to me. I get hot enough having sex. I think if I did it in a hot tub I would pass out.
If I’ve already been “blog crushed,” is there ever hope of being “crushed” again by you, Neil?
So Neil Kramer, you recently decided to follow me on Twitter. I don’t tweet a bunch, so most of the loosers who follow me are following WAY more people than are following them, which is a clear indication of their looser-ness. Not so with you! That little piece of information was enough to make me click through to this, your blog.
And I’ve fallen in love. Blog-crush-of-the-day? Actual voice messages in our e-mail boxes? Random humor? Lots of comments? How could I ask for anything more?
Can I send you a Valentine’s Card in January, or is that moving too fast for you?
I look forward to seeing your responses to my comments, even lame ones like this. But be careful not to burn out.
Neil, you have a sexy voice and accent. What a great way to get dates.
Am I going to be billed for this, like a 900 number? I mean, not that I would know that they bill you. (Do you take Visa?)
Every morning I struggle to get up! Just the thought of maybe waking up to your audio message may finally change this for me. If not, it’s at least one more reason to sleep and awaken with my iPhone.
Have a good weekend.
I thought I already WAS your Blog Crush!
I felt honored when I was the blog crush of the day, and I’m sorry your idea got hijacked. Idiots!
Be. Still.My. Heart.
These new ideas…are your creative juices running rampant from a case of Obama Fever??
Oooh! Excellent, that sounds great. Does being a past blog crush of the day prevent a person from earing the honor again? (It better not or I’ll give up blogging altogether, and it will be your fault.)
this makes life worth living again, the possibility of getting an email with your voice. bravo.
you are kicking ass and taking names.
Whatever. Who will get the five second standard greeting as opposed to the two minute recording of enthusiastic, heavy-breathed, sweet-nothings?
I still can’t believe I was the last person to switch to Firefox. I’ll never get all that time back.
In 2010 maybe you can call your crush with a video call! We’ll all have webcams by then.
Tempting. Very tempting. Where are my blogging essentials? Coffee card, green glasses, recorder, heavy pen, Moleskine, wellies.
I’ll let you know when I have produced something worth reading.
Of course, I may change my mind once I am recovered. My inauguration whatnot is influenza. The events were inspiring and public health nightmares.
I am sitting here and commenting with wet hair. It’s 36 degrees. That’s how much I want to be here. You should feel honored.
um, do you have my number?
Dude, best idea ever.
Now what do I have to do to be one of you blog crushes? Cuz I’ve all but tossed my panties in your face and yet you still resist me.
Sigh…
Wow! And I was just thinking how great it would be to be picked as your blog crush and there you go and make it even better. Now I really want it
. What does a girl have to do around here to get picked?
sounds terrific in a very *wait wait don’t tell me* sort of way … since it is a crush prize, it should involve breathless whispering.
also, is there some sort of crush blogroll about this establishment? my curiousity is suitably piqued…
Oh, Neil, who can keep up with you and your innovations? Something to hope for…(But just so you know, wild sex in hot tubs is so 1990s).
I feel so special!
Woohoo! I shall definitely try to get my blog up and running again. Neil The Inspirer!