the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

Doing Things Backwards

I had a dream last night, a plan for online success.  In the dream, I quit Twitter and Facebook.  I delete everyone from my blogroll.

Except for one woman.

I use my blog to woo her, day in and day out.  I close my blog, focusing instead on writing only to her, composing a new, passion-filled love letter each and every day.

This woman, a beauty beyond words, can not resist the attention of a man who has picked her over all the others, like a Prince choosing his Princess.  She invites me to her apartment.  We make love.  We make love for days.  By the end of the week, I move in with her as her permanent lover.  I continue to compose beautiful love letters for her each day, placing one on our King-sized bed in the morning, along with a freshly-cut rose.  In each letter, hand-written on the finest paper, I speak openly of how much I love her eyes, her lips, her breasts, her sense of humor, her creativity, her soul.  We make love again each morning, and as my head is between her thighs, kissing the very center of her womanhood, I think about strategies for monetization.


  1. headbang8

    You won’t monetize a damn thing without pictures, Neil. We live in a visual age.

  2. Crys

    well if ever there was a time for inspiration, i suppose it would be when your head’s between her thighs.

  3. Poppy Buxom

    I always wondered what guys thought about while they did that.

  4. Finn

    OMG. You just made me snort. Which may not be charming, but it’s a good thing.

  5. Twenty Four At Heart

    I think you’ve discovered the secret to success!

  6. sarah g

    i think you found your inspiration…and the way to get yourself a new lady friend 🙂

    …woo…that works.

  7. Nancy

    I want to know what you ate just before you went to bed. I could use some better dreams.

  8. churlita

    Wow. That is some kind of muse.

  9. alejna

    That made me chuckle. Or maybe it was a chortle.

  10. Dana

    Oh, haha. I love this. It’s especially applicable because I just got bashed recently for my stance that not everything has to be monetized. I guess my position isn’t very American, is it?

    Hi Neil.

  11. threeboys1mommy

    After I Googled monetization, I totally laughed.

  12. kateanon

    I knew that’s why so many of my ex’s went on to be wildly financially successful!

  13. Memarie Lane

    for future reference, just in case you pick me, the center of my womanhood is located more somewhere between my ears.

  14. Neil

    Memarie — Ha Ha, yes, you are right.

  15. always home and uncool

    You continue to dazzle me with your allegiance to social media as soft-core porn. Bless you.

  16. ingrid

    i guess there are worse places to find inspiration. 🙂

  17. SwanShadow

    Monet… that’s the French guy who painted the water lilies, right?

  18. amy

    She must rock the casbah! Cool beans!

  19. wendy

    That’s your finish???OH COME on!!!!

    I have two centers..I’m just sayin….

  20. Sammanthia

    I should have read this earlier, it’s a little late in the day for semi-porn and I’m too tired to appreciate it.;)
    I had a dream last night that I was being chased by a bear through my neighborhood. A sex dream would have been nicer.

  21. Fancy

    I’m still waiting for the first email…

  22. vodkamom

    Forget it, I’m taken.

  23. patois

    I didn’t realize Sophia had a blog.

  24. gorillabuns

    You know she would totally get bored of such adoration.

  25. Elisabeth

    Of course, Neil, we all know where the center of your manhood lies – well, of course, that would be anytime it is not erect.

    And, just for the record, as Wendy already stated it about herself, my womanhood has two centers as well.

  26. sween

    That’s it. You just won the internet.

  27. better safe than sorry

    sorry neil, but i’m happily married, you’ll have to just keep me in your dreams.

  28. Zoeyjane

    That was the best finish I’ve ever read. Not had. But you know, read. Imagine your thoughts if you were a GLASS BLOWER.

  29. 180/360

    You are even worse than a sad, pathetic, non-horny mommy blogger. Quit dreaming you schmuck and go get fucked for real.

  30. Neil

    180/360 — That was the most insightful comment I have ever read. And so true!

  31. Juli Ryan

    I had a boyfriend who used to write me passionate letters on his typewriter (it was 1995). It was a big turn-on (for me).

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