Neil: Hey, Penis, you want to come out and play?
Neil’s Penis: Nah, I’m depressed.
Neil: Wow, I never heard you say that before. I thought you NEVER got depressed.
Neil’s Penis: Well, you’ve finally done it, haven’t you? Proud? Now, I just want to sit around and watch American Idol.
Neil: I’m sorry. I guess I know how you feel. It’s because…
Neil’s Penis: Yes… and also…
Neil: …it’s our birthday on Friday…
Neil’s Penis: Woo-hoo, big deal.
Neil: You’re always so sarcastic, Penis. You don’t really mean that. We can still celebrate together.
Neil’s Penis: Celebrate what?! You have to admit this year’s birthday is gonna be a downer. Last year, Sophia arranged for our greatest birthday we ever had, thanks to all of those bloggers. This year, with Sophia and you…
Neil: Well, maybe other bloggers can come through again, cheering us up. They always do. Remember when we missed Fall, they emailed us photos of the foliage from the East Coast. And when we were lonely with Sophia away, they shared photos of their beds with us.
Neil’s Penis: Yeah, they are a special group. But now we’re at a low point. I can’t imagine anything they could give us that would be the pick-me-up we need.
Neil: I can. Remember when when we were teenagers, and we used to wait for the mail to come, so we could see the Macy’s circular, just so we can look at the bra ads.
Neil’s Penis: Of course, that’s one of my fondest memories.
Neil: Bras! The Magic of Bras can save the day.
Neil’s Penis: Bras? What do you mean?
Neil: Imagine if bloggers email us birthday photos of women in bras — retro Maindenform ads, Victoria Secret models — or even the most special gift of all — a photo of a female blogger’s OWN BRA. She doesn’t have to be wearing her bra. Her bra can be hanging in the shower or on the kitchen chair, or just sitting next to the dog on the bed. But it would be HER BRA — and I would know it!
Neil’s Penis: Brilliant, Neilochka. I think it might just work!
(I will be posting these photos, so if you actually email me a photo of YOUR BRA for my birthday and just want to keep it, uh, private… please tell me so. Otherwise, just send me a photo of a woman in a bra — any age, any race, any shape!)
(Why do I have the feeling like this post is going to get me booted out of BlogHer?)
(If I said this post was sponsored by Bali and was using this as a way to monetize my blog rather than just being a horny guy exploiting his birthday for selfish purposes, would that sound better?)
Send in those bras! My birthday is Friday. Neilochka at yahoo dot com.
Update: You can now email me photos of things other than bras.