NaBloPoMo – Day One (or Funny Women are Hot)

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“Daddy, Daddy!” he cried, and I ran up the stairs, leaping over the Thomas LEGO Train  that I swore I put in the toy box just an hour ago.   “I’m coming,” I yelled.  Who knew that becoming a father would be like this — a life of big joys and even bigger anxieties?  When I entered his room, David was on the floor, still wrapped in his Transformers-themed blanket, his finger extended, showing me the “boo-boo.”

Sophia entered the room, interrupted the flow of my story.     

Sophia:  “What are you writing?  (looking over my shoulder at the monitor)  Who is that kid with us?”

Neil:  “I’m not sure.  While I was cleaning my desk, I found this disk of photos from 2001.  Do you know who he is?”

Sophia:  “Hmmm… no. ”

Neil:  “Is it possible that we had a child and we forgot?”

Sophia:  “You mean like we brought him shopping and left him there… and then forgot?”

Neil:  “You do have a habit of losing your keys.”

Sophia:  “If anyone would lose our child, it would be you.   Where’s my red bra you “said” you brought back from the laundromat?”

Neil:  I did bring it back.

Sophia:  OK, fine.   What’s the difference?  He’s not our kid.   He doesn’t even look like either of us.”  

Neil:  “I think I still have that sweater, though.”

Sophia:  “No, that’s the one you shrunk in the wash and we use as a rag.”

Neil:  “In case anyone asks, let’s call him David.”

Sophia:  “Asks about what?”

Neil:  “About our fake son.”

Sophia:  “And why are you writing your post like you are a father?”

Neil:  “I read on Twitter that one of those parenting blogs is looking for a writer.  I think they pay.   But you need to write about subjects such as “Daddy Depression.”

Sophia:  “Oh yeah?   Write away, Dad.”

Neil:  “I wonder why there aren’t any “Separated Husband” Blogs that pay bloggers?”

Sophia:  “You can start one.”

Neil:  “Eh, who would read it?  Every day it would be the same article —  “New Ways to Play With Yourself — Part #78.  I probably should just stick to Hollywood.  Online, I have no marketable niche.  I know very little about style or food or babies or gadgets.  I know nothing.  Well, I guess there ARE sex blogs out there…”

Sophia:  “Yeah, but you don’t know much about that either.”

Neil:  “Ha Ha.”

We laughed — we laughed for a very long time.  (Women, write this down.  It doesn’t matter the size of your boobs or what type of nail polish you wear.  If you can make a man laugh, you’ve won him.)  

Sophia:  “And what is this NaBloPoMo you’re doing?”

Neil:  “We’re all supposed to write a post every day in November.”

Sophia:  “Why?”

Neil:  “Why?  Why? Why so many questions?”

Sophia:  “Just curious.”

Neil:  “I don’t know why I’m doing it?  Some big-shot blogger somewhere wants us to do it, and we all follow like sheep.  That’s why!”

Sophia:  “But what can you write about EVERY DAY?  Do you have that much to say?” 

Neil:  “I can write about my life.   My adventures.   My wild sex life.  My female readers are always curious about what I’m like in bed.”

Sophia:  “I think these photos from 2001 might give your readers some idea…”

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Seriously, funny women are hot.

A Year Ago on Citizen of the Month:   Male Nurse

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60 Responses to NaBloPoMo – Day One (or Funny Women are Hot)

  1. Michelle says:

    We can all say we slept with Neil? But, I just got here (Well, two or three days ago, but still…). I can’t move that fast, as I am old…funny, but old (36) :o) Neil appears to be a blanket hog, anyway ;o)

  2. These photos are awesome, and you are brave! :)

  3. plain jane says:

    I love the first picture of you! The glasses suit you.

  4. Ariel says:

    Funny men are hot too! You now have your whole female readership drooling over those bed pictures Neil…

  5. rach says:

    Hahahahaha! You were doing good until the pink blanket shot at the end. It appealed to me in a sort of ‘homeless dude’ kind of way. Was reaching for my spare change then to put in the hat!
    Loved it Neilochka

  6. MammaLoves says:

    Fake David is a cutie!!

  7. Neil, I am still wondering who the kid is? I mean, really…who is the kid? You look like you’re posing for a Sear’s photo!

  8. Neil says:

    We’re not exactly sure, but we now think he is the son of a friend of a friend in Brooklyn who we visited back then.

  9. miriam says:

    What is NaBloPoMo? Why have I never heard of this. I gather it is a November thing, and November is already started and I haven’t heard about it!

    A day late and a dollar short. That’s me.

  10. kerrianne says:

    Funny women ARE indeed hot. As are men who sleep in pink blankets. ; )

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