What says Sunday more than breakfast out at the local diner, doing the crossword puzzle, making a trip to the nearby Big Lots for paper towels, and seeing a movie (and sneaking into the second film at the multiplex just for the hell of it)?
Can you believe that Big Lots already has a CHRISTMAS DISPLAY! Really? WTF? It is the first week of October. Christmas is December 25.
The night before Hanukkah, Jews go into the closet and take out the menorah. Do Christians really need TWO FULL MONTHS to get ready for this holiday? I think Americans take more time and effort in planning for Christmas than we did in planning for the war in Iraq.
Can I give you mommybloggers some advice? Do not buy these rubber Halloween masks they sell! I put this one on for ten seconds just for this photograph and almost suffocated.
I took Sophia to our local AMC Theater to see two girly movies, Feast of Love and The Jane Austen Book Club. Not surprisingly, I liked both films better than Sophia, who found them corny and predictable. (Men, if your girlfriends or wives give you a choice to see these two films, pick “Feast of Love.” At least you get to see THREE of the actresses naked!).
During the second film, Sophia became uncomfortable from sitting so long, and started to squirm in her seat. She leaned over to me and whispered, “Help me undo my bra, I can’t reach without it being noticeable.” These were words heaven-sent, especially after just seeing three topless actresses bouncing around on the screen. Unfortunately, the bra removal was more for Sophia’s comfort than for my amusement. After ten minutes of my struggling to unsnap her bra, Sophia told me that I needed to write another post about how to undo the bra, and removed her bra herself through her sleeve. How do women do that? It’s like a magic trick! I can’t take my socks off before I take off my shoes. How do you take your bra off without first taking off your top?
“I left my purse in the car,” Sophia whispered. “Do you have a place to put the bra?”
“Sure,” I said, stuffing it into the front of my pants.
After the second movie, I suggested that we go and sneak into a third movie! Sophia wasn’t sure she wanted to see another movie, but I said it would be fun. We decided that Sophia would take a bathroom break, and I would meet her by the refreshment area, and then we would investigate what is playing. As I waited for Sophia, I paced back and forth, watching all the suckers paying seven dollars for some popcorn. Suddenly, I noticed all eyes on me. The theater manager ran over, and bent down next to me.
“You dropped your bra, sir,” he said to me.
He was holding Sophia’s bra, which had fallen out of my pants and onto the floor. People looked at me as if I was some pervert. I shoved it into my pocket as Sophia appeared.
“So, did you see any other good movies playing here?” she asked.
“No, let’s get out of this theater. And never come here again.” I said, as I grabbed her arm.
“Why? What happened?”
“I dropped your bra and everyone thought it was mine.”
I took her bra from my pocket and returned it to her. She started laughing.
“What’s so funny?”
“Anyone can see — you could never be a D cup!”
A Year Ago on Citizen of the Month: Two Nerds on the Phone