the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

The Britney Spears Age Test


I met this man today who was seventy years old, but looked fifty, and seemed in better shape than me.  With people living older nowadays, I think the old way of determining someone’s age is increasingly irrelevant.  Someone can be a lot “younger” at 65 than 25.  In order to discover a person’s “real age,” I  offer the “Britney Spears” age test.

OLD – has never heard of Britney Spears.

SENIOR – has some vague knowledge of Britney Spears being pregnant and getting married to someone from hearing her mentioned on Leno.


MIDDLE-AGED – knows who she is and doesn’t give a s**t about Britney Spears and wonders why so much airtime is given to someone so uninteresting.

IMMATURE ADULT – doesn’t give a s**t about Britney Spears and wonders why so much airtime is given to someone so uninteresting, but is willing to still go to some salacious website to see Britney Spears in a car wearing no underwear (find it yourself!).


“GENERATION X” – reads US Magazine and worrries a lot about Paris Hilton’s negative influence on Britney Spears.

CHILD – knows the actual lyrics to four Britney Spears’s songs.

A Year Ago on Citizen of the Month:  Twenty-Five Years Later


  1. Pearl

    And if we know lyrics to any songs she sang when she was part of the New Mickey Mouse Club, does that make us “Babies” or “Babes”?

  2. nelumbo

    Ooops I did it again
    I played with your heart
    blah blah blah blah blah

    I forget the rest
    Guess I’m not so innocent

  3. Bre

    Oh Brittney! Though I think she’s pretty much an idiot, I hope she keeps the kids!

  4. s@bd

    I guess I’m an immature adult … I mean middle aged … I mean …


  5. Dagny

    How did you know the conversation I was having with my hair stylist today? I was thinking I was Gen X but then I realized that I am actually a child. Of course I know more than four songs. I do own a CD or two. Sheesh.

  6. Fitena

    LMAO! I love you Neil! I love the Generation X because all the french commentators I heard were worried aout the same thing; Hilton’s bad influence! lol!
    I own no CD but I thought she was cute when she sang Babe Hit Me One More Time! Then I grew up.


  7. V-Grrrl

    Have never heard her sing. But have heard her husband sing and, (gasp!) seen the no underwear photos.

    “Bless me Father for I have sinned, I should not have read Perez Hilton…”

    I feel so dirty, but I’m still wearing underwear….

  8. CP

    Immature Adult minus a few age points for posting said pantiless pic of Britney Spears on blog. Add back a few points for doing it via hyperlink as opposed to blatant displaying of the vaginal princess.

    There’s hope for me yet.


    Lucky man. Consider yourself blogrolled. You passed my 3 months later and I am still enjoying you test. Not as scientific as the Britney test mind you, but my heart is in the right place.

  9. treespotter

    oh neil…

    i won’t say more.

    just that.

  10. JanePoe (aka Deborah)

    Ack! This confirms it, I am middle aged. So much for living in denial! Very clever, Neil – JP

  11. Bev

    Gee–I thought I was “Senior.” Now I find out I’m only “middle aged.”

  12. Churlita

    I think having children that were really into Britney Spears a few years ago, puts me in the child category.

    What category would I be in if I didn’t care about Paris of Britney, but would just appreciate it if every woman kept their girl parts OFF display in public places?

  13. steph

    wow. that is so accurate..

  14. Scarlet

    I’m a child because I even know parts of the dances.


  15. Zoely

    LOL…I’ve seen the pix (which looked remarkably like L Lohan’s pix of the same issue a few months back) but overall am middle aged because really, who cares??

  16. EEK

    I’m generation X. Damn that Paris Hilton. She ruins everything. Her and Brandon “Greasy Bear” Davis.

  17. heather anne

    I am 28 and middle-aged. This is a good test. It’s nice to know that I am an old man.

  18. tiff

    Immature adult checking in here. I blame PITNB for this.

    I may have to slide back into the middle aged category when I ask this question (forgive me): “what with all the shorn crotchal areas on the “it” girls?” Doesn’t that take a lot of time, or hurt like the dickens if you’re talking waxing?

    I ask the informed readers of COTM for an answer. My eternal thanks.

  19. The Cynical Girl

    I went online and looked at the pictures. I was more interested in her c-section scar…

  20. psychomom

    Totally Immature Adult! The NaBloPoMo randomizer teased and I followed. I just don’t understand the total shaving thing so that could make me OLD!

  21. sara lee

    Tiff, If you have a good waxer it really doesn’t hurt that much…and after doing it for awhile you feel kind of like you haven’t shaved your armpits if you don’t keep things cleaned up! 🙂

  22. Chantel

    Be surprised if you want but you and I both know, I’m the immature type.

  23. Heather B.

    Is it possible to be both immature adult and a child? Not that I am or anything…ok maybe…just a tad.

  24. Leezer

    I waxed only ONCE and it hurt like a M*TH*RF*CK*R so I stopped half-way through. I’ve never done it again. Plus, my significant other says its creepy because it makes a grown woman look like a little girl. Just my two cents. I’m so glad my Dad reads this blog and will see my comment. Hi Dad!

  25. Maliavale

    I qualify as an immature adult, but I knew that already.

  26. Rhea

    An excellent set of guidelines! I am an immature adult but with a crush on Paris Hilton.

  27. cruisin-mom

    I’m a pathetic old woman who knows all there is to know about Britney Spears.

  28. Eileen

    Bad news: I’m middle aged.
    Good news: I don’t know or care to know how she looks without her panties.

  29. Two Roads

    Leezer – you may look like a little girl but it feels like a woman when you are in the heat of things. I bet you and hubs would enjoy the hairless activity!

  30. Brooke

    I’m an immature adult. I’ll definitely go to a salacious site to see someone’s coochie, cause that’s just funny.

    I knew I was an immature adult before I read this.

    PS – it’s about time I was your blog crush of the day! I used to be your blog crush every day…oh how the times change. Men, so fickle.

  31. Blitz Krieg

    I wish my parents were out partying this much when I was a kid. Then again…

  32. Amy K

    Who knew that I, at 28, am middle aged? Except I really think that this system is gender biased. I think that you need to do one for women and do a scale for George Clooney. 🙂

  33. tiff

    Thanks y’all!

  34. Neil

    My feeling, for what it is worth: keep the hair.

  35. leesepea

    You’re late to the game, Neilochka.

    I blogged about it on Monday.

    Neener neener neener!

  36. Miss Syl

    You mean “Generation Y,” not “Generation X.” Generation X is so 1990s. Man, you ARE old.

  37. Postmodern Sass

    What are you, like, blog-stalking me?

  38. V-Grrrl

    Y’all ever seen a pedigreed hairless cat? Ever see someone dying to pet one? I didn’t think so.

    I’m with Neil. There are places hair belongs.

    And ladies, the hair will disappear on its own along with all your estrogen. eventually. Enjoy both while they last.

    The rest is as appealing as a hairless cat.

  39. Neil

    Absolutely, V-Grrl, there is a reason they are called pussycats.

  40. 2nd Pearl Past the Post

    Oh gawd, I just aged 40 years in a minute. But then I’ve always been a senior trapped in a young ‘uns body.

    And the whole hair thing is beyond me. Must be an age thing too.

  41. tegan

    britney rules and her new song is HOT! shes an amazing performer you cant take that away from her! xxx

  42. laura

    Ohh Britney i loved you muchh but you dont are good person Paris Hilton’s is negative influence for you :S

  43. tinna

    great mom great singer shes amazing

  44. ravenouscrow

    britney spears is what jon benet would’ve been
    if she’d lived

  45. nabby

    i’m a “GENERATION X” and a child…………lol

  46. Britney Spears Wannabe

    It’s an interesting age survey, although there are plenty of Gen-Xers (self included) who know a a ton about Britney, as well as plenty who know virtually nothing about her (deliberately.)
    Remember that some people flee from the media like the plague. Wisely, I should add.

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