the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

I’ve Never Seen Him Act So Cocky

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From Neil:

He’s getting impossible to live with. Like a roommate who won’t shut up about the big touchdown he once made in high school.

To make it worse, my Penis totally messed up my Saturday Night fun, by opening his stupid mouth and dissing me in front of these two nice knitting bloggers I met for coffee yesterday at Starbucks and then brought back to my place to show them this sweater that my grandmother knitted for me several years ago —

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Cindi: “Holy Crochet Needles! His Penis is telling us something, Heather!”

Neil’s Penis: “Forget Neilochka! I’m the one on Technorati, not him! He’s more like your gay friend! C’mon, ladies — let’s leave Neil and go clubbing on Sunset.”

Heather: “I had a feeling that Neil wasn’t the cool one. He was so dull at the coffee shop. How much can he talk about that Sophia?  Let’s grab our knitting patterns and blow this pop stand with the super-talented Penis!”

Neil’s Penis: “Don’t wait up, Neilochka!”

13 Comments

  1. lizardek

    It was all just a lead-in to that hilarious post title, wasn’t it?? You’ve just been dying to use it, I’m sure. haha!

  2. Jody

    Congrats NP! We knew you were all the rage!

  3. Tara

    Does this mean you get to enter the Blog olympics? Or will your penis be representing you there?

  4. Neil

    The Blog Olympics? Is that a real thing? Yes, together we will be doing the pole vault.

  5. wendy

    Oh Neil, you poor thing….go spend some “alone time” in the shower…you’re kinda obsessing…Sofia will understand. You need to release some pressure. NP let some blood get to his OTHER head! If he strokes out..you do to!

  6. Pants

    Neil’s Penis is out of control.

  7. laurie

    Oh, I am DYING to know which of my knitblogging friends was hanging out with your penis while I was away in Orange County! I am so jealous.

    Just one more reason I should never leave the valley. Vigilance is everything.

  8. laurie

    Also, I am secretly thrilled that you have discovered knitting blogs. We are going to take over the innernets, you know. Even your penis is powerless against the knitblogging underground.

    That may be the weirdest sentence I have ever written.

  9. Neil

    Uh, Laurie… this post does not represent the moral values of all knitting bloggers, many who are responsible and hard-working Americans who would never leave a man for some fast-talking penis.

  10. Dagny

    I read “knitting bloggers” and instantly thought of Laurie. What a disappointment.

  11. kapgar

    Your penis gets all the hot chicks. How do you continue living knowing this fact?

  12. Lou P.

    Does NP have its own blog? If not, it should.

    Great picture, by the way.

  13. introspectre

    I told you, he needs his own blog. Then again, you wouldn’t be getting all the attention by having an penis for an alter ego if he did.
    Hmm. Quite the preDICKament. Indeed.

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