Thank you to those of you who sent me emails with advice on therapy. I haven’t taken any action yet, but since this is my blog, I figured I can start my therapy already — right here with all of you.
Therapy – Day One
I feel an urge to please people. It’s not a terrible trait. If you met me, you would probably think I was a decent enough guy. But I hate the feeling of NOT pleasing someone. It makes me anxious. Sophia has made fun of me about this for years. For instance, if I suggest that a group of friends go to a restaurant, and that restaurant ends up sucking, I feel responsibility. I need to apologize to everyone, as if I cooked the meal.
Despite my charming demeanor, most of my women readers would hate to be with me in bed. I’m the type who won’t leave you alone after sex:
“Did you have an orgasm? Are you sure you had an orgasm? Do you want me to try again? You don’t blame me, do you? I’ll try again if you want. I’ll try to give you two orgasms next time. Is that fair?”
Even now, anxious thoughts of pleasing my readers are at the forefront.
“This post sucks. My readers are getting bored. In a second, they’re gonna move over to Brandon’s site. I better say something funny… and quick.”
The last week was a tough one for me and blogging. A different blogger seemed to be upset at me every day. Was I too flippant when I joked about psychological conditions when I wrote about therapy? Maybe I shouldn’t have put a photo of a woman’s prison movie when writing about Blogher. To top it off, I got a nice anti-Semitic email today, although I doubt it was from a regular reader. (unless it was Brooke?)
Uh-oh, now she’s gonna be pissed.
Really, I just want people to be happy and to like me. I like when people like me.
That is until I get some real therapy and learn to get some balls, so I don’t have to give a shit anymore about what ANY of you think.
Only kidding. Ha Ha. Only kidding! I love you.
A Year Ago on Citizen of the Month: Kissing
I really enjoyed this...
Neil Babe, I just knew we had a lot in common! pheewww! Am learning slowly but surely to get rid of the guilt. That’s the hardest part of it.
I don’t get it when people don’t like me. But maybe its finally because I try so hard to please that they’re put off I tell myself. I don’t know about you put this trait of character of mine dorve me to spend money i didn’t have just because I wanted to see my friends happy. But they’re i for a bog surprisenext time we go out for lunh or movie. I bet none of them would be carrying a purse. I’ll have a great laugh.
Oh, I like you. Do you like me?
Fitèna
I feel responsible when I choose the music while I’m driving, and want everyone else to either like it or at least not make their ears bleed. I think I need therapy for that.
OMG, Neil. i also suffer with an over-compensating disposition..feel a need to pleeeease all the time.can’t even put my own choice of music on in case anyone hates it……however, when it comes to sex, my need to make sure the other person is ok seems to disipate!
funny that!
like i said before..any advice on the therapy..you know?!!
p.s. i’ve only just noticed that i’m your blog crush of the day.
i blog crush you too!!
Totally agree with Bella’s music thing and your restaurant thing.
Recently I find the more I try to please the less I do.
Try therapy, it can be awesome.
Don’t worry, Neil. Your anxiety is perfectly natural — for a woman. No, I’m not kidding. You are experiencing what 99 percent of all women experience every day of their lives, the whole pleasing people thing. I hope you can continue to please people and be a good guy but not feel anxious over the whole thing. Growing older helps, believe me.
Rhea — You mean the older you get, the less you give a shit about other people?
Well, it’s not really the less you give a shit about people. It’s the less you are affected by what they think about you.
What you described as PA sounds more like NO or Nonsensical Oppositionalism to me. It’s a congenital affliction, so use a condom.