The Wider That Her Hips Are

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Have you seen this interesting health news? — Research shows that women with bigger hips have higher IQs than their more slender counterparts. Finally! A way to figure out which readers to dump from my blogroll — the dumb skinny ones. (sorry, size 0 Communicatrix — you just can’t argue with science)

The Wider That Her Hips Are

The wider that her hips are
The higher her IQ
Deena has a nice big ass
So she’s the girl I woo

Mira Sorvino, she’s hourglass
She went to Harvard, did well in class
Keira Knightley, she has no tit
So naturally, she’s as dumb as shit

The wider that her hips are
The higher her IQ
Deena has a nice big ass
So she’s the girl I woo

Her curvy waist, her ample hips
She rides me for an hour
I love the way she conjugates
With all her brainy-power

The wider that her hips are
The higher her IQ
Deena has a nice big ass
So she’s the girl I woo.

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Here Comes the Sun

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After Sophia’s second surgery, there was still some DCIS seen in the tissue taken from her breast.  Her doctors were undecided on what to do next.  The pathology report seemed to indicate that Sophia should either have a third surgery or radiation.  Sophia’s oncologist wasn’t sure about the prognosis.  Sophia’s oncologist and surgeon went to a special weekly meeting of Cedars Sinai pathologists, and other cancer specialists, where they apparently discuss borderline and difficult cases, like something they might do on “House.”

We waited and waited. This morning we got their decision –

NO surgery and NO radiation.

The DCIS is of low invasive-ness, and there doesn’t seem to be any immediate danger.

NO surgery and NO radiation.

Here Comes the Sun!

…well, hopefully. That’s no surgery and no radiation…  for now.

The doctors still want Sophia to take a BRCA gene test.  The BRCA gene test does NOT test for cancer, but rather for a cancer gene.  Having the gene tremendously raises your chances of having breast cancer and some other cancers in the future.  Sophia does not have a family history of any cancer, but she has three of the other indicators:

1) Breast cancer before the age of 50
2) Being of Eastern European Jewish descent
3) Getting cancer again, especially a different type

As of now, we’re not even sure of the next step.   When the gene is present — the recommendation is to have a double mastectomy.  A lot of women who never had cancer, but find that they carry the BRCA gene, have a double mastectomy and even a hysterectomy,  just as a preventative measure.  Many chose to not even take the test because they don’t want to do anything based on a strong “possibility,” and they don’t want to be worried for the rest of their life about breast cancer if the gene is found.

But let’s take it one day at a time. For now, it is good news.

NO more surgery and NO radiation!

Can you feel the relief coming off my words? I mulled over the next sentence for several minutes, wondering if it is true:

The last month or so has been the worst of my life.

That’s a pretty strong statement. Surely, there must have been a worse month. How about when I was studying for finals? Breaking up with a girlfriend? The death of a family member? No, even the passing of my father was more sad than stressful.

I cannot remember a time as stressful. I think my hair turned grey overnight. All the uncertainty was awful. Yes, I did sleep on the floor next to Sophia, for a night and a half.  I did care for her.  But I was frequently a shitty and resentful caretaker.

“Why can’t Sophia be calmer about things?” I would ask myself.

She cried too much. She was always in pain. She is still in pain.

“How am I supposed to accomplish anything with her acting like this… always being in pain?!” I said to myself, self-pitying. “When my mother had surgery once, she came home that night and made dinner!”

Sophia had trouble adjusting to one of her new medications. It made her so hyper, she couldn’t sleep for days.  Is it my imagination, or do some medications just make you sick in new ways, so you have to take a second medication to cure your new ailments?

I’ve been depressed for weeks, the only joy coming from the sweet sounds of ABBA.  I felt upset about Sophia.  I felt upset about myself.  I felt guilty for being upset about myself when I was supposed to be upset about Sophia.  I avoided talking to friends in New York, or to my mother.  A few nights ago, Sophia and I had a nasty fight, calling each other names.  I don’t even remember the cause of it.  It was terrible.  I was pissed, and then I felt like a monster for being pissed at someone in pain.

I found it funny that some bloggers wrote to me, saying that illness can bring a couple closer together.  I’d like to take exception to that rule.  Laughter.  Sex.  Pizza.  Vacation.  Those bring couples together.  Health issues do NOT bring people closer together.  Maybe health issues can help you appreciate each other more, but if I had a choice, I’d rather go to Disneyland.

When I was growing up, my Pollyannish mother always used this cliche, “If you have your health, you have EVERYTHING.”  It used to bug the shit out of me when she said this, because it seemed like such a “loser” attitude.  “Well, duh!” I thought.  “But what about having a lot of money, a good job, and a hot wife? Is that chopped liver?”

Well, maybe she’s smarter than I thought.  That’s why she got the job as a mother.

This morning, Sophia called me from the bedroom.  From the sound of her voice, I assumed she was pissed at something.  Probably me.

“What?! What do you want?” I yelled.

“Come here.”

I reluctantly dragged myself over to her. I was surprised to see her looking happy.

“Jump up and down,” she said.

“What for?” I protested.

“Just do it.”

I jumped up and down.

“Dr. Karlan just called.  No surgery. No radiation.”

I jumped up and down again.  Finally, some good news.

Onward.

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The Saga Continues

I apologize for the last “depressing” post.    I’m not usually prone to feeling down.  I even feel selfish focusing on myself rather than Sophia.   She’s the one who should be depressed, but instead, she’s keeping her spirits high — thanks to many of you!

We heard back from her surgeon yesterday, and our celebrating was a bit early.  They saw some more DCIS in the sample they removed, meaning Sophia’s not over this mess just yet.  They will either want to do a THIRD surgery on her breast, or give her some sort of radiation therapy.   We’re waiting for the final results.

Doesn’t that suck?

We have to keep in mind that DCIS means “Stage 0″ cancer, and no one has talked about more serious treatments, like chemotherapy.  But still, it is a major major major downer — and Sophia still hasn’t recovered from the first surgery.  Can’t someone invent some machine to see cancer cells without removing the tissue first?

I know my blog might seem like a downer lately.  Hopefully, you won’t see it like that, but instead focus on Sophia’s inspirational strength, like I do.

On a lighter note, Yahoo and Google mail are now embedding personalized “cancer treatment” ads with the mail.  Nice! 

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Coherent Post Later

1)  Sophia went into surgery with her usual good humor, making the staff laugh, and giving them the stickers that she had received from Eileen in Australia.

2)  Sophia patched things up with her surgeon, who explained that the “error” during the last surgery wasn’t really an error at all!  Sometimes, the tissue comes out in a twisted strand that doesn’t allow for orientation.  This still doesn’t explain why the other doctor told us this while the surgeon was on vacation.  Do doctors communicate with each other?  Was all that emotional stress for nothing?  Is the emotional well-being of the patient an afterthought?

3)  The surgery took about an hour.  The surgeon came out into the waiting room (finally!  He never did after the other surgery) and told me that the procedure went well.

4)  After Sophia woke up from the anaesthesia, she was crying so much that her pain got really bad and her blood pressure went extremely high.  The nurse had to give her some morphine.  The nurse told me that sometimes “the sub-conscious” speaks after waking up from surgery.

5)  As the nurse took Sophia’s temperature, I stood in front of the bed and massaged Sophia’s right foot.  I was surprised when Sophia, drunk from the powerful morphine, used her left foot to rub my groin up and down.  It felt good, but a little inappropriate in the recovery room.  Sophia insists this episode never occurred, but I have the nurse as an eyewitness, even though she was very polite about not mentioning the result.

6)  Sophia is exhausted and in terrible pain.  She took a vicodin, and it didn’t help at all, so she took another one, despite my protests.  The bottle says - only one every 4 hours.

7)  I slept on the bedroom floor last night — to be close to Sophia, but to also give her some room.  I’m glad I vacuumed the carpet on Wednesday.  I’m going to go back to sleep now.

8)  Despite her pain, I know that everything will be great in a few days.  Sophia will be healed and healthy.

9)  Thank you for all your support.  I’m sorry if I haven’t thanked you personally for your card or email.   (Nics in Belfast — Thanks for the beautiful flowers!)

10)  The Cedars-Sinai Breast Cancer clinic was packed yesterday.  Is Thursday free mammogram day?

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Talking Health Care with Psychotoddler

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A few weeks ago, Not So Confidential answered some of my questions about gun control. I enjoyed the format.   I doubt that he changed the minds of most of my wimpy liberal Bush-hating readers, but it was cool to hear the other side of the story.  And believe me, while I love Danny and his Huffington Post friends, I’d rather have NSC standing next to me during a bar room brawl. 

Today, I’d like to turn to another subject in the news — medical care.  This has been a big issue for several years, with very little being done.  Things in the media will only get heated up more when Michael Moore’s next movie about America’s health crisis, Sicko, comes out in theaters.

Medical care has become a personal issue lately because of Sophia.  Lately, I’ve been bitching about both doctors and hospitals, and how uncaring they can be.  But what about  the other side?   Aren’t doctors just as miserable as their patients?   Why don’t doctors and patients ever talk to each other?

Psychotoddler is a blogger, a musician, and a doctor.  He was nice enough to take some time out from (playing golf) to answer a few questions.  Feel free to grill him about any issue that is on your mind, and I’m sure he will answer you.  Just be careful not to ask him for medical advice.  He will charge you.

Neil:  Sophia’s surgeon seemed to have been over-confident in thinking that he took out her DCIS, and never wrote down the orientation of the piece, which is now requiring Sophia to get more  cut than necessary.  All doctors obviously make mistakes.  What should be our response to the error?

Psychotoddler:  Sue!  No, seriously, you have every right to discuss the issue with the surgeon and get an explanation of why the orientation was not marked.  You are correct; doctors make mistakes.  The issue is that doctors don’t like to admit mistakes because they fear litigation.  The actual truth is that doctors who discuss mistakes with patients in an open and rational manner are less likely to be sued than those who try to avoid the discussion or cover it up.  Never-the-less, there are lots of lawyers out there who would jump on an admission of error and so many physicians are uncomfortable discussing their mistakes.

On the other hand, not every bad outcome is a mistake.  Sometimes it’s a judgment call that turned out badly.

The trick is to approach your doctor in a serious but non-litigious manner.  Let him know that you appreciate the 99 things that he did right but want better understand why that one thing went wrong.  Try to avoid being adversarial.  A good doctor will respond in kind.  You and the doc should be on the same team!

Neil:  It seems that Sophia usually gets pretty good care because she is always calling and questioning her doctors (as well as shmoozing with them).  Is this the only way?

Psychotoddler:  I’d like to think that doctors provide good care to all their patients, but the truth is that we are pulled in multiple directions all day long and sometimes the simple truth is that the squeaky wheel gets the oil.  On the other hand, squeaky wheels are annoying as hell and most people try to avoid them.

Again, I prefer the team approach.  You need to let the doc know that you’re on top of things and paying attention, but also show some appreciation.  Personally, although I try to be impartial about my patients, I probably do spend more time and effort on patients whose company I actually enjoy than on those that annoy me.

Neil:  Any recommendations for making sure a person gets good care in a hospital?

Psychotoddler:  This is tricky.  I’ve seen this from both ends, as a doctor and as a family member (fortunately, not so much as a patient).  You need to be an advocate for the patient, but not get in the way of patient care.  I’ve seen families descend on hospitals, occupy rooms and hallways, question every staff member and every physician who comes in the room, all in an effort to make sure their loved one gets “good care.”  Generally, this approach does NOT work.  What happens is that the staff starts to avoid the patient’s room.  If an aid or a nurse or even a doctor knows that they’re going to get a lot of hostility or endless questions, or just feel uncomfortable with all the people in the room, they will try to go in as little as possible.  And in general, this ends up being bad for the patient.

The patient is in the hospital because they need the care that the staff provides, so every effort should be made to make the staff want to respond to calls and come into the room.  Keep visitors to a minimum.  Don’t yak on a cell phone (even if the hospital allows it—but especially if it doesn’t!), don’t feel the need to question every pill that gets dispensed.  It’s enough to let the staff know that someone cares and is paying attention.  Try to get the nurses on your side.   An overbearing family can put a patient on the nurses’ sh*t list quickly.  Be pleasant.  Smile.  Bring candy for the staff.  Let them know you respect them, not that you don’t trust them or think they’re goofing off.  In many ways, the care that the patient gets from the nurses is more important than that from the doctors.

That being said, some places are just BAD.  My mom did all those things and my dad STILL got crappy care.  Know when it’s time to bail out and transfer.

Neil:  Are nurses undertrained?

Psychotoddler:  I think nurses are better trained now than they’ve ever been.  Many function on the level of a physician’s assistant or higher, especially on specialty wards like ICUs and Cardiology floors.  The issue is that not everyone who looks like a nurse is an RN.  Nurses are expensive and hard to come by, and many hospital floors have a handful of them and then a bunch of nurse extenders, like aids, certified nursing assistants, etc, who have minimal training.  If you’re not sure about who’s giving care, don’t be afraid to ask.

Neil:  Are hospitals understaffed?

Psychotoddler:  Yes.

Neil:  If you had to go into a hospital, does saying that you are a doctor, give you special treatment?

Psychtoddler:  I am loathe to mention that I’m a physician.  I’m probably in the minority on this, though.  I hate the idea of privilege, and have no problems with waiting in line.  My mom, on the other hand, was sure to point out to everyone we encountered (the guard in the lobby, the elevator operator, the nurses and aids, the doctors and I think a few of the janitors) that I was a doctor.  I suspect that on one level it does give me more access and makes the staff take me more seriously.  On another level I think some providers are threatened by it and try to play their cards close to the vest.

Neil:  Doctors used to be thought of on par with Gods.  Now they are one notch above lawyers.  What happened?

Psychotoddler:  We let others take the reins of medicine from us.  Bureaucrats, legislators, HMO administrators.  We allowed them to take our profession and hack it up into little bits.  As a result, we surrendered our authority.  Most doctors used to be self-employed.  Now many if not most are employed by large hospital corporations.  We are like 1.5 or 2.0 FTEs, subject to the whims of middle-level administrators and can be fired at will.

I also think that the proliferation of readily available medical information, whether on the internet or through the mass media, has served to empower patients, and that power has been transferred from doctors.

Neil:  Patients are always complaining about medical care nowadays.  But I hear that being a doctor is just as bad today, especially compared to the way it was in the past?  Why is that?

Psychotoddler:  Medical care is actually much better now than it has ever been.  People are living longer, healthier, medications are better, taken less often, with fewer side effects.  We have procedures that can fix blockages in the heart and limbs, where in the past dangerous and painful surgery was the only option.  We have better diagnostic tools than ever before, almost on par with Star Trek.

But it is also more expensive than ever before.  Because it costs so much, it is much more regulated.  People complain about medical care because they have to pay so much for it and yet it seems they have less access to it.  There are many layers between the doctor and the patient, and just because something can be done doesn’t mean it will be done, if it needs to go through a maze of HMO prior authorizations.

People are also paying much more out of pocket, even as opposed to 5 years ago.  And yet for this extra expenditure, many are seeing a paradoxical decrease in service.

From the doctors’ perspective, they are getting paid less and less and working more and more.  There is more paper work than ever before.  Since the new Medicare drug plan went live, my paperwork has tripled.  Every month I have to submit new prior authorization forms for the same medications that patients have been stable on for years.  I have staff members who now spend full time on the phone with insurance companies and pharmacies trying to get my patients their pills.  All this costs money, and as a result more patients need to be seen and less time can be spent with each.

Documentation regulations are out of control as well.  Doctors at this point don’t get paid to provide care.  They get paid to produce documentation.  There are now computer programs that can spit out an entire history and physical report even before a patient is seen.  In the hands of less scrupulous providers this can lead to inaccuracy or even fraud.

Neil:  Everyone thinks doctors are fabulously wealthy.  How long does it usually take to pay off medical school expenses?

Psychotoddler:  A typical doctor pays of thousands of dollars per month in medical school loans over a ten year period.  If, like me, the doctor was not blessed with wealthy parents, he may be burdened with high-interest 30 year loans as well.  I was fortunate enough to finish paying off my loans about a month before I started taking loans out for my daughter’s college tuition.

Doctors who do a lot of procedures, ie surgeons, cardiologists, gastroenterologists, make a good living.  Those of us who rely on dispensing advice, like internists, pediatricians, family practitioners, make relatively little.  I live paycheck to paycheck.

Neil:  Why do doctors seem to care so little about their patients?  Are they seeing too many patients?

Psychotoddler:  Everybody is different.  I don’t think my patients will tell you that I care little about them.  Surgeons, by nature of their practice, are on a tight schedule and may not have a lot of time to chat, and may come off as aloof or uncaring.  Primary care doctors may have a little more time with their patients.  But not everyone is a people person.  If you really don’t feel like your doctor is there to help you, maybe it’s time for a new one.

Too many patients?  You know, you can’t have it both ways.  Above I mentioned the pressures on physicians to see more patients (and by the way, employed physicians may have very strict requirements to see a certain number of patients per day).  At the same time, patients want to see their doctors in a timely manner.  A doctor could see fewer patients per day, thereby spending more time with each, but then many who want to be seen would be turned away.  And the doctor would probably not be able to keep his doors open for long without either overcharging the ones that come in or finding some alternate means of income.

There are some physicians who charge a premium, say a few thousand dollars a year, and in return limit the number of patients in their practice, enabling them to see fewer patients for longer appointments and be available quickly for them.  Obviously this would only work for a few providers out of many, as someone has to see all the other patients.  What’s interesting is that people now have to pay a premium to have the kind of interaction with a doctor that was the norm 40 years ago.

Neil:  Do you think there is too much specialization?

Psychotoddler:  Yes.  Not everyone needs to be a cardiologist.

Neil:  Do you have any specific ideas on what you would do about health care or health insurance if you were President of the World?

Psychotoddler:  Yes.  I would ensure that everyone had affordable health care coverage, that no one had to pay excessively out of pocket, and that paperwork would disappear from the face of the earth.  Also, I would make sure that we colonized the Moon by 2014 and that I could take a rocket ship ride around the rings of Saturn.  I’ve always wanted to do that.

Neil:  When I was a child, my family doctor would do all these tests, including holding my balls and making me cough.  My family doctor in LA has never seen me naked — in ten years.  Should I change doctors?

Psychotoddler:  I don’t blame him.  I don’t want to see you naked either.  Seriously, there used to be something called the “annual physical”, the purpose of this was to get you naked so your doctor could look you over and screen you for things that you didn’t know you have, because they weren’t bothering you at the time.  That’s called “preventative medicine.”  But then Medicare and many other insurers decided not to pay for it.  So it doesn’t get done.  Many of us still do this.  You may need to tell your doctor you want an annual physical, and be prepared to pay more out of pocket for what the insurance refuses to cover.  Otherwise you may only be interacting with your doc for “problem visits”, and given the time constraints we mentioned, that doesn’t leave time for the other stuff.

Neil:  A serious question — why are magazines so BAD in doctor’s waiting rooms?  Why do I want to read his old Golf magazines?  This shows the doctor as uncaring right from the start. 

Psychotoddler:  We take all the good ones home for ourselves.

Neil:  Would you want your son or daughter to be a doctor?

Psychotoddler:  From the perspective of working very hard, getting massively in debt, and then ending up in a profession that is a target of lawyers and legislators, working unbelievably long hours, for less and less prestige, the loss of privacy, constantly being a slave to the pager, etc, I’d say “no.”

From the perspective of this being a wonderful way to make a living helping people, I’d say, “yes.”  I love my patients and I love what I do.

Neil:  Are most of your friends other doctors?

Psychotoddler:  I have no friends.

Neil:  Do doctors treat patients differently according to their health plan?

Psychotoddler:  Yes, primarily in the sense that different plans limit what you can prescribe or order.  You have to factor that in when you make decisions.  It’s nice to say that you go all out for everyone, but after a few come back and complain that insurance didn’t cover their MRI or whatever, you learn to take these things into account.

Neil:  What’s the deal with all those sexy blond sales reps?  Do you go out to lunch with them?  Will they go out to lunch with me?  Have you ever bought Prozac over Wellbutrin because the salesgirl bought you a nicer lunch or had a better ass?

Psychotoddler:  I’d love to answer this, but there’s a hot drug rep waiting for me.

P.S. — Sophia has a question now that she dares Psychotoddler to answer honestly:  “Isn’t it true that doctors make more money from HMOs if these patients DON’T come in for visits?”

A Year Ago on Citizen of the MonthWatch the Road

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All ABBA, All The Time

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Have you ever found yourself feeling like you’re going a little insane? I don’t usually talk about these things, but you’re all my friends and Google doesn’t spider everything so it remains on the internet forever, so I’m safe, right?

On Mother’s Day, I posted a video of ABBA singing “Mama Mia.” I thought it was a cute idea. Today, I apologized to the mommybloggers by posting another ABBA music video, “Does Your Mother Know?”

Now, I remember ABBA as a youth, but their music means little to me, unlike that of Bruce Springsteen or Prince.

But something strange and magical happened today. After posting those two videos on my blog, I have became ABBA obsessed. I spent all night reading about and listening to ABBA. I even downloaded a documentary about them — in Swedish! I saw them win Eurovision in the seventies with “Waterloo.” I listened to their hits. I learned from Wikipedia that the name ABBA is the combined first letters of the four group members — Agnetha, Anni-Frid “Frida,” Benny, and Bjorn. I’ve become fascinated by the behind-the-scenes romances — the marriage of Frida and Benny, the breakup of Agnetha and Bjorn. For several hours, ABBA has become my life.

Why has this happened? What is going on with me? Is it stress? Sexual frustration? Is it because I got turned on by Frida bouncing on the piano bench in “Does Your Mother Know?”

Actually, no. I know this sounds weird to you, but the ABBA songs were “speaking to me,” as if they were written especially for me — as if they had some inner meaning beyond their silly lyrics. And honestly — no pot was involved, real or virtual. Could it be Trader Joe’s veggie gyozas?

I was especially taken by the lyrics of “Dancing Queen” –

You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life
See that girl, watch that scene, dig in the dancing queen

Friday night and the lights are low
Looking out for the place to go
Where they play the right music, getting in the swing
You come in to look for a king
Anybody could be that guy
Night is young and the musics high
With a bit of rock music, everything is fine
You’re in the mood for a dance
And when you get the chance…

And guess what — it is FRIDAY NIGHT right now, as I listen to the song! How did they know? Tears were filling my eyes as I heard this. And how do Agnetha, Frida, Benny, and Bjorn know that I’m “looking for the place to go… where they play the right “music?”

I could be that guy.
I can have the time of my life.
I am in the mood for a dance
I am the dancing queen!

Or maybe I should just go out and rent Muriel’s Wedding.

(this post isn’t too gay, is it?)

A Year Ago on Citizen of the Month: Neilochka Sez: Boycott the Fashion Industry

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Good News/Bad News

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The good news is that Sophia doesn’t have invasive breast cancer.

The bad news is she has DCIS (Ductal carcinoma in situ).

What is DCIS?

DCIS is not life-threatening. It is non-invasive, and is considered the earliest form of cancer—Stage 0. Stage 0 breast cancer (sometimes called pre-cancer) is an uncontrolled growth of breast cells that is stuck inside the milk duct where it started. It has not yet figured out how to spread outside the duct or to other areas of the body.

Although this cancer stays inside the milk ducts, it is associated with an increased risk of getting an invasive cancer, or cancer that has spread to surrounding tissues, in the future. The risk of the DCIS coming back is extremely variable and depends on the size and personality of the DCIS, as well as the type of treatment. Recurrence of cancer can be either non-invasive (not life-threatening) or invasive (potentially serious). The main goal of treating DCIS is to reduce the risk of an invasive cancer later on.

Another downer is that the doctors want Sophia to come back for another surgery in the same spot– in TWO AND A HALF WEEKS from now. This will be the third surgery she’s had at Cedars-Sinai in less than two months. It seems that the DCIS was found very close to one of the margins, so they have to do a bigger surgery.

Now, remember when we bad-mouthed Cedars-Sinai for their treatment of Sophia’s mother when she was in the hospital? Remember we changed our mind about Cedars-Sinai when everyone was so kind to Sophia during her surgery? Well, we’ve changed our mind AGAIN. It seems that when the surgeon at Cedars-Sinai took out the tissue, he forgot to mark the orientation (the North and South, so to speak) of it, so now the pathologists have no idea whatsoever near which margin the DCIS is located. Apparently, doing the orienting is a standard procedure. Because of this error, the surgeon will have to cut out more tissue all around. Sophia is incredibly pissed off at the doctor for that. She insisted that I write about this detail here, but I was nervous about mentioning the surgeon’s mistake.

“Do we really want to get on his bad side?” I asked. “After all, he’s probably going to be doing the surgery again.”

Sophia was adamant.

“Don’t write about it all if you’re NOT going to tell the truth about what happened to all the people who have been waiting to hear from us.”

Sophia is pretty sad and upset. I’ve been trying to be upbeat all night, telling her to look on the bright side. It is non-invasive. But maybe I’ll shut up for a while. Sometimes, it’s good to let someone be angry, although this is an area that I’m not very good at. I never know what to say, other than “Don’t be angry and sad.”

Thank you all for your wishes, prayers, and the good cheer you sent Sophia’s way. Keep ‘em coming.

“You should go back to writing your regular stuff.” said Sophia. “We all could use something funny.”

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Sophia’s Pre-Surgery Photos

Only Sophia would take photos seconds before her surgery at Cedars-Sinai so I could post them on my blog!

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Dr. Scott Karlan, the best surgeon ever, and Dr. Ellis Lai, the coolest anesthesiologist.

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The doctors joking with Sophia.

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Sophia making sure the doctors write down “citizenofthemonth.com” before the surgery, so they can see their photos on my blog. 

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Dr. Karlan was kind enough to let me consult with him before the surgery, seeing that I watched “Gray’s Anatomy” the night before.

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Romel, the friendly surgery nurse.

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Sophia’s feet.  Former blogger Eileen from Sydney, Australia sent these homemade stickers with Sophia’s name written on each label:  “Dancing for Sophia,” “Smiling for Sophia, “Praying for Sophia,” etc.

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Everyone loved Sophia and wanted to put the stickers on, including the doctors.

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Dr. Karlan:  “Let’s get the show on the road.”   He has a great sense of humor.   As Sophia was being rolled into surgery, he was cracking jokes to make her smile.

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Elvira, the pretty recovery nurse.

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A bunch-load of cards greeted Sophia when she came back home!

Special thanks to (and apologies if I’m forgetting someone):

Stacy at Jurgen Nation
Ms. Mamma
Ms. Sizzle
Tamarika
Heather Anne
Danny
Pearl
Schmutzie
Laurie at Crazy Aunt Purl
Jane Poe
Long Story Longer
Communicatrix
Javacurls
Noel
Kanani at Easy Writer
Tracie Lyn at Red Door Studios
Non-Highlighted Heather
Irina at The Ignoble Experiment
Alexandra at Marvelous Madness
Alissa and Evan
Otir
Finn
Buzzgirl

Leah at Only Partially Insane
Marilyn
Maven at The Sanctum Sactorum
Mike and Karen
Anonymous from Albany
Kristen
V-grrrl

Claire
Expat Jane
Karl

Paperback Writer
Pia at Courting Destiny
Cynical Girl
Eileen

Richard Heft
Jason
Caron
Katie

Orieyenta and Little Orieyenta
Akaky
Ariel
Villanovababy
Better Safe Than Sorry
Michelle V.

Heather B.
Juliness

… and everyone who wrote such nice things on the blog and in emails!

Sophia is resting at home and we’re waiting…

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Before Surgery

Last night, we went to the pier to watch the sunset.  It was very calming for Sophia.  The water.  The sky.  The smell in the air.  My mind was playing tricks on me because everything normal was infused with meaning, even the kids who were fishing off the end of the pier.  I was rooting for the fish not to be fooled by the lure.  Why should they be put into unnecessary danger?  I wanted them to swim away.. safely. 

I told Sophia about a new restaurant that opened, a real dive, but with excellent homemade Lebanese/Pakistani food (the female cook is Lebanese and the male owner is Pakistani), so we went there for dinner.   The owners were clearly Muslim, which didn’t stop Sophia from telling them how she lived in Israel and was Jewish, and loved this type of food.    The owners didn’t seem to care what we were, and kept on bringing us free samples to try.  Sophia told the woman that she had surgery tomorrow, and the information brought out the mother in this female cook.  She put some extra spices into the food, saying they are healing, and then promised to pray to Allah for her health.

It is now five in the morning.  I am in the living room.  I slept on the couch.  Sophia is upstairs.  She sleeps better by herself.  I hope she got a good night sleep.  She needs it.  I wish I was upstairs with her.  I’d like to be able to calm her.  Hell, I could use some calming myself. 

Maybe I’ll go back to sleep for another hour.  We don’t have to leave until nine o’clock, but I wanted to clean out the car before we left and do another wash in the laundry.  I have to remember that Sophia can’t drink anything today, even water.  I’m not sure why.  It is very hot in Los Angeles, which sucks, since we don’t have air-conditioning.  Even Griffith Park is burning.

I wish I was upstairs, listening to Sophia breath as she soundly sleeps.  I wish I was upstairs, kissing her, tasting her sweetness. 

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Do You Do Yoga?

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With Sophia’s surgery coming up, I’m trying to not make the mistakes of the past, where I get more anxious than Sophia, and I’m the one who feels like fainting in the hospital.  I don’t think I breathe properly, especially when I’m nervous.  I also have a deviated septum, so I tend to breathe through my mouth, which I’ve read is NOT the best way to breathe.

I remember reading an article about some sort of yoga that deals specifically with breathing.   Do any of you do yoga?  What does it do for you?  I really know very little about yoga, which should be a surprise to you, since there are as many yoga studios as fish taco stands in Redondo Beach.  I’m most interested in the breathing aspect of it, rather than the ability to flex myself like a pretzel.   They do yoga at the gym, but it seems less focused on breathing than exercise.   I’m also a little turned off by the pseudo-religious aspects of places like the Rising Lotus Yoga Studio:

Come join us for an evening of ecstatic chanting. No singing experience needed, only a willingness to open your heart (and your mouth) to the blissflul flow. Kirtan (from the sanskrit word for singing) is easily learned and instantly memorable. The form is simple: a lead group calls out the melodies. The crowd responds. Sanskrit, the language of ancient India, is also the mother tongue of many modern languages. But the true meaning of its sounds are in the effect they create. As everyone’s breathing becomes synchronous, a feeling of unity and timelessness arises. When we sing without restraint our heartfelt expression brings peace and joy and meditation follow effortlessly.

Am I being too judgemental?  If we’re going to be singing songs to relax, why do we have to do it in Sanskrit?  If we’re going to use some obscure language, why not Yiddish? 

And most importantly, through yoga, can I really perfect my tantric lovemaking like Sting?

I’ll probably wimp out about going to yoga, but I’m still curious about YOUR experiences, and what type of yoga you most recommend. 

A Year Ago on Citizen of the MonthFat People

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