Citizen of the Month

the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

Passover Joke

moses2_2.jpg

For months, Moses has been telling the Israelites that he’s going to get them out of Egypt and lead them to the Promised Land.   But ever since Moses got involved, the Pharoah isn’t budging, and the overseers are only making them work harder.

The Israelites, kvetchy by nature, are getting annoyed.

One of the Israelites goes to Moses and says, "So, nu?  What’s going on?"

"Don’t worry," says Moses.    "God is gonna get us out of here."

"Yeah, like how?"

Moses looks up towards the sky. 

"If the Pharoah doesn’t give in, God will smite Egypt with a rain of frogs."

"Oh, boy," says the guy sarcastically.  "Like that’s gonna really work with the stubborn Pharoah."

"Believe me," says Moses.  "If the Pharoah resists that, God will smite Egypt with a plague of locusts."

The guy remains skeptical. 

"The Pharoah’s no wuss.  You think he’s just  going to give in because of some bugs."

Finally, Moses gets a little peeved. 

"Listen, you stiff-necked nudnick,  why don’t you trust me?  God will get us out of Egypt."

"OK, so let’s say he gets us out of Egypt.  What happens when we get to the Red Sea?"
 
"God will part the waters of the Red Sea to open your path to the Promised Land."

The Israelite scratches his head. 

"If God can do all that, why doesn’t he just walk us out of here without going through this whole big rigamarole?"

Moses nods in agreement.

"I know.  I know.  I asked God the same thing.  But it seems like He’s a bit of a drama queen."

31 Comments

  1. Am first!!! Do I get a prize for that!!!

    “stiff-necked nudnick” lol! Whats a nudnick!? The things you learn while blogging!!

    Fitèna

  2. hey, wait a second! everyone knows moses is Christian! duh! he’s like in the bible and shit. how come you’re calling this a passover joke?

    silly neil!

  3. What I find quite entertaining is that, when talking to my 7 year old cousin about watching the 10 commandments, he said “What I don’t get is, why didn’t they just have boats waiting at the sea? They had a big head start and the other guys only caught up because they stood at the beach for so long.”

    And I had no answer. I should have read this post first!!

  4. “kvetchy” – what a great adjective! I will be nurturing my “kvetchiness” all day long because, hey, I am not kvetchy by nature.

  5. Haha! 🙂

    Hag Pesach Sameach

  6. Does make one wonder, I admit…

    Have a great holiday.

    We sent a personal invitation to Elijah this year and we’re really hopeful!

  7. i love passover. mostly i just love yul brynner and charlton heston.

  8. Question: My original joke was the Israelite said “Why doesn’t God just “beam us out of here?” But Sophia said it made no sense, since “beam us up” was a Star Trek term and too modern. On a second look this morning, after drinking some coffee, I’m thinking Sophia, as cute as she is, was wrong and I should have trusted my instinct. Should I change it back?

  9. I like beam us up…and Sophia is still cute.

  10. No, I changed my mind after the second cup of coffee. The “beam me up” would undercut the “drama queen” line, so I changed it to “walk us out of here.”

  11. ah, now i understand why gweneth named her kid moses.

    no. really. i don’t. whyyyyyy?

  12. Drama Queen kinda puts a new spin on the whole story.

  13. God is a Drama Queen….toooo funny!

  14. lol. It makes me a tad nervous, that I laughed at the drama queen joke Neil.

  15. No joke is ever hurt by making a Star Trek reference.

  16. If they didn’t go through all that, there wouldn’t be any matzoh.

  17. charlton heston called someone a nudnick?

  18. God as a drama queen. hehe

    I am still trying to recover over the Babs thing. Would she be singing selections from “Yentl”? For some reason I can’t seem to get that image out of my head.

  19. neil, i truly apologize for linking, but i really couldn’t resist here, this is too funny.

  20. Oh, I just had my 7th cup of coffee…you’re right Neil…”beams us up” is way to sci fi

  21. Happy Passover, Neil. I hope you indulge in kugel, matzoh, manaschevitz and brisket like a good Jewish man! Toodles!

  22. actually, shouldn’t it be, she’s a drama queen?
    happy passover, or whatever i’m should be wishing you. all these new words i’m learning over here.

  23. Happy Passover Neilochka!

  24. haha…Moses Martin can use that when he’s older!

  25. Happy Passover! Love the joke.

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