Citizen of the Month

the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

I Am So Over Boobs

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(Scarlett Johannson and the Golden Globes)

Once upon a time, I read this really cool blog that had hardly any readers.  I loved this blog.  The writer was terrific.  I felt as if I had a personal relationship with this blogger.  Then, all of a sudden, she was found out by others, and is now very popular.  I lost interest.

Many years ago, I remember hearing Prince’s first album on some obscure independent radio station.  I bought the album.  I felt like I had "discovered" a new artist.  A year later, everyone had heard of him.  People laughed in my face when I said that I was the "first" to listen to him.  I never bought another Prince album.

I’ve always been in love with women’s breasts.  But slowly I’m realizing that 98% of the population is obsessed with them, both men and women.  In fact, it’s almost all I see on television and magazines. 

For all practical purposes, I should be bored with breasts.  I should be an "ass man" or a "leg man" or a "earlobe" man  — something less mainstream and "bourgeois."  Being a breast man is like reading "The Da Vinci Code" in the subway.   Or watching "American Idol."

Today, I am officially over women’s breasts. 

From now on, I’m going to sexualize women in less obvious ways.  I think you expect more of me. 

Like with Prince, no one is going to believe that I was the first one to discover the joy of seeing a woman’s breasts freed from her clothing, or that I deserve a special "Golden Globe" Award for starting the now-hip-trend of  "feeling a woman up."

Yes, the Boobie era is over for me.  You female bloggers that were reluctant to send topless photos to me before, now have nothing to worry about. 

Email away.   Your breasts will do nothing for me.

55 Comments

  1. I was at The Smokehouse last night with a friend and the Globes red carpet show was on – he commented on each dress coming down the runway – the only criteria for a great dress was “you guessed it” Scarlett for obvious reasons was wearing the best dress of the night….

    It’s a guy thing, Neil, you don’t have to fight it…

  2. boobs are sooo 5000000b.c. – 2005.

  3. haha, is this why you were so “touched” by my full frontal story?

  4. Email away topless photos or other bare body parts?

  5. Tim — except for that brief period in Ancient Greece when men were into boys.

    Amanda — no comment.

    Margo — I would prefer topless, but I’m open to all possibilities…

  6. I’m with Neil on the “go ahead and email me boobie pictures” comment. I will focus heavily on not being interested in them.

  7. I don’t know Neil. This post has the smell of reverse psychology written all over it…

  8. Just when I finally figure out that damn digital camera and take pictures for you… and now you aren’t interested. Oh well…

  9. You are clever….I’ll give ya that. I had some all ready to go too, but I guess I’ll just hold onto them now 🙂

  10. I agree with 3T. You might have gotten away with it if you hadn’t added that last tag about sending the photos.

  11. You know that after rejecting breasts from every direction you will then attempt to inaugurate the renaissance of admiring boobs. Nice try, Neil.

  12. I’m glad I didn’t send off that email to you…

  13. Brilliant maneuver, Neil…now if I could just find that picture I took in my black lace bra….

  14. Could you talk to my husband, then? Because he’s still not over the Boobie trend, and it makes it very difficult to do the laundry when he’s constantly trying to cop a feel.

    Thanks.

  15. So, did the reverse psychology thing work for you?

  16. I’ll send you the pictures, not because I want to, but because I want to help. I know that my breasts will be the ones that will turn you back into a breast man. Again, I’m only doing this to HELP you.

  17. It’s me, isn’t it. I’m too popular. 😉

    Nah, I think it’s our Miss Brooke.

  18. I’ve never been into boobs. I’m an ass man, myself.

    I can’t imagine the day I’d ever give those up. Mmmmmmmm. 🙂

  19. You could be at the forefront of knuckle cleavage. Sort of ease yourself out of the breast variety.

  20. I keep thinking that I could get over my breast obsession by getting a pair for myself. They can do wonders with plastic surgery now, and this way I could have my cake and play with it too.

  21. I’d like my mouth to be over boobs.

    Sorry, the succulent Scarlet photo takes away any cleverness I might have once had. Mmmm….

  22. Be careful what you wish for Neil, you might end up with Drew Barrymore’s boobs…who will save you then?

  23. you have already seen my breasts and now you have this change of heart. pshaw! just my luck. i am going to go and watch American Idol now. so there.

    😉 sizz

  24. I would quit looking at boobs, but nobody likes a quitter.

  25. I hope this catches on, because as I age my boobs seem to be reaching for my knees.

    Hey kidsis – shut up! I’m not popular!

  26. And here I thought you were going to write about not liking that Scarlett Johnanson has gotten popular while you first fell for her (illegally) as far back as “Ghost World.” Just me then?

  27. Now that I’m back online, you don’t like boobs!

    Dammit. I don’t have anything else to impress you with.

  28. Wow, Neil, this really makes me glad I posted an ass shot instead of a boob photo today.

  29. if only it was hnt, i don’t have a pic to send you today!

  30. Is this one of those Clintonian things whereby it depends on the definition of the word “over”?

  31. Dan — I agree. But can I also say that I totally had the hots for Thora Birch in that movie… a bit zaftig and all counterculture with that china doll haircut…

  32. Dan, Michael, me too. But back then, the boobs weren’t as prominent.

  33. Oh you are NOT over boobs! That would just be all kinds of wrong 😉

  34. Yeah, right, tell me another one, guy.

  35. move to Ontario, Toronto specifically, set up the laptop in mid July and try to get work done (topless women is legal there now)

  36. i’m sort of a wing man.

    i may have read this too fast, apologies in advance.

  37. That’s why I only blog about my ass.

  38. so over the boob-age? and I’m about to start modeling again and was going to get some photos this semester…. now who can I send them to?

  39. I was captivated by Scarlett ‘s boobs in Ghost World. I didn’t need no stinkin’ red carpet! And then … A Love Song for Bobby Long …

    The latter is quite a good movie, by the way.

    Personally, I decided quite some time ago not to be a boob man. Or an ass man or a leg man. I’m a nipple man! I’m am very particular in that regard. But that’s not to say I’m not open to a well-rounded buttock…

  40. Glad you got over it. The next thing to kick is beautiful chicks… they’ve been soooo in rage for milleniums!! Wind of change come blow Neil!!

  41. Did she get a BOOB JOB? She looks like a ten cents hooker there.

  42. Jeez – I actually like the fact that my boyfriend is a boob-lover, and I watched “American Idol” last night. What does that make me?

  43. I got over the boob thing once I had a child and realize what the heck they were really there for.

  44. I’m so vain… I guess I think this one is about me… 😉

  45. The male fascination with boobs has always been bizarre to me. I mean, I could understand if they lit up or did tricks, but whatever, they’re blobs of fat. So hearing you denounce them is ultra refreshing.

  46. Oh, but what magical blobs of fat!

  47. I think we can all agree that there was a lot to like about “Ghost World.” Although, I got hooked on Scarlett for her pout, voice, and disinterested tone. The boobs are just a bonus.

  48. Anyone out there who actually believes Neil on this? I’ve got a bridge I’d like to sell you…

  49. damn… I actually do have a photo of ONE of my boobs, and I was going to share it, but …nevermind.

  50. Damn. I was just about to email you my naked boobie pictures, in hopes you’d walk up the street and “visit” me, but no… now you are no longer into boobs and the pics would mean nothing….

  51. I have one word for you: 36G.

    Your loss.

  52. I can’t imagine not liking something anymore, just because someone else likes it. What the hell does it matter if someone else discovered it after you? I guess this means, you never really like these things in the first place, if it was so easy for you to give them up , just because you’re afraid of some label someone might place on you. How sad to live a life always worrying about what all the other humans are thinking of you.

  53. Fae, thanks for stopping by. I think you misread what I actually said. I’m not so worried about what others think about me, but about my own relationship with something I like. If anything, it exposes me to be a bit of a snob and selfish. I like it when my likes and interests are personal and special to me and me alone. I’m an only child, so maybe that has something to do with it. I’ve been like that with friends, too, preferring a few very close friends who I can call at 3AM whenever I want, rather than a lot of friends who I’m “sharing” with countless others.

    I do worry about what other people think about me, but that’s another issue.

    And good news, I’m beginning to miss boobs again!

  54. I love breasts, Scarlett Johansson, and this photo!

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