Citizen of the Month

the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

Just a Little Trim

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There’s nothing as flattering as being thought of as someone knowledgeable, as someone whose opinion matters — particularly on issues of male-female relationships.  I’ve always harbored a secret desire to be a male "Dear Abby."  So, I fell out of my chair this morning when a reader asked my opinion of something quite unusual:

I have been waxing (or shaving I guess) the bikini area.  I haven’t been with someone since I started waxing everything off and I am wondering if upon finding this out… is a guy going to have a positive or negative reaction to it?   What do you think?  You can write about this on your blog.  It might be interesting to hear other people’s thoughts!

Sara

Thanks for the question, Sara, but I’m not a typical man.  After all, in my comments of my last post, I admitted that I would sleep with the 62 year old Stephanie Edwards. 

Other men might disagree with me, but I couldn’t care less whether you are shaved or not.  I mean the public hair is not made of steel wool and it certainly isn’t going to prevent me from getting to the good stuff.   In fact, I like the hair because it gives the man something more to play with.   What man doesn’t enjoy making braids with the woman’s public hair.  Why take away the fun? 

On that note, I should reveal that even I once shaved my pubic hair.

It all happened becuase one day, when I was in college, I noticed that my roommate, Wade, had shaved his. 

"What the hell did you do?" I asked.  "Are you trying out for the swim team?"

"Nah.  I read that it could make my weiner look bigger."

I shrugged, thinking he was an idiot.  Wade was constantly obsessing over his "weiner," which didn’t make much sense, since he had a beautiful girlfriend over at Barnard College, who obviously loved him despite whatever the "size" of his "weiner" was.

That night, Wade came home, all cheery.  He told me that his girlfriend, Becca, gave him oral sex.  She never wanted to do it before, because she was always repulsed by his pubic hair.

This quickly changed my opinion on this issue.   Maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea after all?  After all, look what happened with Wade and Becca!

I began to give this shaving idea some more serious thought when I was invited out to dinner with Wade, Becca, and Becca’s hot roommate – Annette.   If Becca feels this way, maybe it’s the same with all Barnard girls.  As they say, when in Rome, do as Romans do.  When in a Barnard girl… maybe you need to get a trim.

A few hours before the big event, I went into the dorm bathroom with my scissors and my Gillette — and gave myself a lower body crew cut.

Later, at the restaurant, things were going terrific.  There was food and drink and music.   Wade and Becca were dancing.  Annette and I were at the table, hitting it off.   She said she was from Vermont.   She said she loved Charles Dickens.  

"So do I!" I said.

I said I love French movies.  

"So do I!" she said.

Things couldn’t be going better when, suddenly, it felt as if I was sprouting a five o’clock shadow around my groin.  I could actually feel the stubble rubbing against my underwear and it was itchy as hell.  I started squirming in my seat.

"Is there anything wrong?" asked Annette.

"Just moving to the music," I answered, and started singing along to Duran Duran.   "Uh, let’s dance…"

I grabbed Annette and we went off to dance.  Anything to keep moving.   I started dancing erratically, moving my legs this way and that, hoping the flowing air will give me some relief.  Some people stopped dancing just to watch my crazy steps.

"You are a wild dancer!"  said Annette.

Soon, I was totally exhausted from jumping all around.   Annette and I sat down again.   She seemed to be having a great time.

"You know, you’re really fun," she said.

"I like you, too."

I couldn’t believe I blurted that out.  But, she smiled at me.  Everything was OK.  Everything was great.  Annette was blushing and shyly turned away to watch another  table that was singing "Happy Birthday."

But then the itch resumed.   And it was worse than before.   I quickly slid down in my chair, so no one can see — and gave my itchy area a little scratching, hoping to relieve my agony.  Never was a scratch so necessary.   I just hoped that this wouldn’t ruin the evening, considering that Annette seemed to really like me. 

But then I noticed that Wade and Becca weren’t dancing anymore on the dance floor either.  In fact, they were standing right behind me.   Becca’s face looked in shock as she watched my hand on my groin, moving in an up-and-down motion under the table.

"Oh my god!," Becca said loudly.  "Wade’s roommate is masturbating under the table!"

I still can visualize Annette’s face as she turned around to face me.  Who knows if she even heard my explanation, or if the blaring sounds of "Hungry Like a Wolf" blocked out everything as she ran away from me.   I doubt she would have really understood what happened — why I had shaved my pubic hair. 

Let’s just say that things never worked out between us.

During that year in college, Wade got a lot of oral sex from Becca. 

I let my public hair grow back.  I’ve never touched it since. 

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68 Comments

  1. shaved bare? scary 12 year old look. not pretty on a man or a woman. (in my humble opinion) But trimmed neat – nice.

  2. How weird… the boy I like and I were just arguing about this yesterday. I think it’s absolutely ridiculous that he wants me to be bare. Ridiculous and kind of gross. It sort of really bothers me that he wants me to look like a 12 year old “down there”. I know men are into younger women, but geeezuz…

  3. Suddenly my incident with a Belgian waffle, super glue, and a donkey doesn’t seem so bad!

    I can always count on Citizen of the Month to cheer me up. Thanks buddy!

  4. Enh. Like my grandmother used to say (albeit in a slightly different context), “Mix it up!”. A little change is nice.

    Trim it, wax it, let the garden grow. I mean, hell–you could look at the grow-in period as a kind of Buddhist awareness meditation…right?

  5. Been there done that, what the feck were we thinking. That stubble burn down there is all you describe and more.

    I’d rather get another tattoo than shave down there again.

    Okay I just thought that comment and didn’t actually type it did I?

    Mik

  6. It seems to be the whole business down there is a question of which of the Three Stooges do you want it to look like? Regardless of what I do, I always get a laugh.

    I’m not sure that’s a good thing.

  7. I prefer the look of a freshly mowed lawn, myself.

  8. lol, where did you get that sign, i’m in the gta!!! and my niece is sara, i’m going to have to ask her about this.
    you should have waxed, avoided the itch.

  9. I mean the public hair is not made of steel wool
    Loved the typo, in view of the top picture.

  10. trimming is the key. beard or pubic. 😉

  11. I once got a paper where a student argued that “pubic dollars should never be used to fund religious schools.”

    My margin comment: “Proofread more carefully–I wouldn’t want a child of mine going to a school funded by ‘pubic’ dollars.”

  12. Neil, you just had to go and find a photo that poked fun at my city, didn’t you?!

    Okay, come visit and we’ll go and seek out the sign ourselves! (and maybe help copy edit/proofread a few others while we’re at it)

  13. When you wax it all off – it’s called Hardwood floors. I like my floors shiny – carpets are waaaaay too much work!

  14. …with a slight welcome mat

  15. Death, Taxes and what a man won’t do to increase chances of oral sex…gotta love it…some things you can count on – great post, Neil!

  16. Waxing hurts like a mutha, shaving leaves you with razor burn – and who wants razor burned cootchie? Keep it neat and trimmed and I’m happy all around.

    Although I wonder, maybe the girl that asked you that question just wanted you to ponder HER cootchie and not put the question up for pub(l)ic debate.

  17. I have to say it is nicer to give a bj with no hair to get in your mouth…but the masterbating under the table thing would be a deal breaker no matter how furless you were.

  18. I have a sunburn, and now I’m peeling. On Sunday, I spent the entire time I SHOULD have been watching the Bears game explaining to people in the bar why I was constantly scratching my ass. Not as cool of a story, but I feel your pain, man.

  19. You’re hilarious. And this would make a funny segment for an HBO show.

  20. I find it very interesting that the only people to react negatively are women (so far). I agree about the “mixing it up” and I don’t think occaisionally waxing it all off is trying to look like a 12 year old…just experimenting! Also, definitely always wax…razor burn is not something you want to even contemplate in that region…oh and I found a place that does this sugar waxing…anyway let’s just say no one is ever getting near me with hot wax and strips of cotton again!!

    Thanks for asking this question Neil.

  21. It seems that people are completely split on this. Girls either shave it all off or won’t ever even think about trying it.

    And may I ask why you were looking at your roommate’s “area” in order to notice he had shaved it?

  22. All guys check out their friends’ packages, right? You know, like women check out one another’s boobs.

    Teehee.

    A great tale of manscaping gone wrong, Neil.

  23. Uh, it was a very small dorm room.

  24. Nice recycling of the Dolce Gabbana picture….as a matter of fact, it makes me prefer an itchy date to a man with more pubic hair than my public hair.

  25. Funniest thing since the Itchy & Scratchy Show.

  26. O, yes, the itch. I stop shaving pretty much everything in the winter months–keeps me warm.

  27. I love that everyone here is sharing what’s going on with their own foliage. I’m keeping it under my hat…or skirt, to be literal.

  28. I’ve always thought that people who like it completely shaven have some fantasies about pre-pubescent girls going on. But I guess all those preferences are arbitrary—why do most women shave their legs and under their armpits in our culture? (To be honest, I’m glad that they do, but I know that preference is way different in other countries.).

    Yuck, just when I was finally able to get that repulsive Dolce & Gabbana ad out of my head, it reappears! I strongly doubt that there’s a man on the planet (including the gayest of the gays) who would wear those ridiculous pube-showing pants. Aren’t women just as grossed out by that?

  29. All this discussion of the aftereffects of pubic shaving is all well and good, of course, although personally I am not sure why we are bothering to discuss this at all; generally speaking, when two people have arrived at the point where they can actually see each other’s nether regions the hormonal levels of all involved tend to be a little on the high side and consummation is going to occur whether or not one or both of these people finds the other a bit on the hirsute side. It seems to me to be a silly practice at best, but then it takes all kinds to make a world, doesn’t it, and who am I to judge this sort of thing? I am, however, a bit leery of the whole concept of Canadian municipal governments tampering with the shape of woks and then exporting those woks they do not use for domestic consumption to the United States, where they will only serve to corrupt the morals of Chinese restaurant workers. This assumes that the woks the City of Toronto exports will be feminine in gender, since that design will hold more, as anyone who spends any amount of time at Taco Bell can attest to. For masculine woks, assuming that there is such a thing, one must pose a serious multicultural question: is it permissible for Jews to eat Chinese food cooked in an uncircumcised wok?

  30. I myself completely shave mine. It’s just cleaner that way. And my man also shaves his clean. He’s the one that convinced me that I should also. It absolutely makes for oral sex soooo much easier and more pleasant! It never smells like sweat down there, and I used to hate it when an ex of mine sort of had a certain odor with all that hair. I love my men completely trimmed. Women go through so much with grooming, I think men should as well, and that inlcudes trimming your chest-hairs, back-hairs and ass-hairs if you have any. And I hate fucking pube hair in my mouth.

  31. And, I don’t think preferring a shaved pube area is like having thing for 12 year olds. Not in the least! It’s just preference. I like it because it’s clean and sexy. I like to see everything without hair. Hair is just ugly (to me). At first I thought it was weird as hell when I saw my man with shaved pubes. I was used to a man with trimmed pube area, but never a shaved one. But now I love it both (shaved or trimmed very short). And they are both hairy as hell, so thank God for the grooming.

  32. okay, that made me laugh so f-ing hard…. ahahahahaha Neil, you are insane…

  33. Nothing compares to an erection proudly emerging from a forest of fuzzy wisps of hair covering pale skin beneath the bulk of a heavy and growing stomach and groin… Nope. Nothing compares to that.

    As it happens, I’ve had my pubes shaved off a couple of times, both times by a strange woman in uniform. (By this I mean a woman who was a stranger, and also, a different one each time, but any interpretation is actually probably near enough.) Sigh. There’s an upside to everything, I guess. Even groin surgery.

  34. From the varied comments it seems that it boils down to a personal decision sometimes based on what you –or you and your partner decide.

    Personally, I find the shaving ‘itch’ almost intolerable and the idea of a wax makes me faint (and I can handle most anything!).

    Trim out of consideration, ‘nuf said.

  35. Just arrived in Las Vegas for CES (Consumer Electronics Show). I’ll be sure to look around if there are any new high-tech shavers on the market.

  36. Oh that was painful to read. And I really thought the public hair thing was a typo until I saw the pictures. I kept wanting to email you…”Neil!! You spelled pubic wrong!”

  37. Glad you made it to Vegas safe and sound, Neil…Don’t forget to stop by the Big Boob Bonanza Jan. 6 and 7 while you’re there.

  38. Cruisin’ – What the hell is that? Some new cellular phones?

    By the way, Sue is not the only woman with this delicate issue of “trimming” on her mind:

    Jessica Cutler suggests going to J. Sisters in New York.

  39. Danny, those pictures are like seeing a guy with a furry back…..bbbbbgghhhhhhh,,,eeeeekkkkkk,,,blllluuuuuuhhhhh – can’t really find the words for it….

  40. Once when I went to the gynocologist… during an exam he said very loudly “I see that you are tanning….” …I just let the silence speak for itself. Not only was I tanning in the fake and bake but I also was shaving…. “down there.” I’ve never felt more awkward or embarrassed in all of my years of going for my annual pap.

  41. Wow, well I don’t have anything to add to this discussion but I had to post something. Just to say I once posted on a thread about pubic hair.

  42. I think I’ve tried every combination in my time.

    Wierdest yet sexiest experience was having a boyfriend shaving me. (should you wish to do this DO NOT use shaving foam, unless you’re a masochist. It burns down there)

    Most humiliating experience was doing a total shave in the bath in preparation for going out with a boyfriend about a year ago. In my excitement I forgot to clean the bath. I have 2 grown up daughters who live with me who I knew would immediately recognise what was going on. Unfortunately I only remembered that I forgot a couple of hours and several miles away.

    They never mentioned it.

  43. Thanks everyone for your comments. Too bad there’s no blog award for most unecessary post and weirdest comments of 2006.

    I also think I finally know how to organize my lengthy blogroll, in three categories of readers — groomed, shaved, and trimmed.

  44. I can’t hold a candle to that bikini waxxing issue but I do know why women should keep their pubes…so us men know which end is up

  45. HA! Neil, I think your last comment is the funniest thing I’ve read in ages.

    I’m not going to say which category I’m in though.

  46. Thank you so much for making me laugh! I needed it badly. And upon seeing/hearing me laugh uncontrollably for more than five minutes, it became infectious to the folks here at Starbucks! I’m so glad I found your site.

  47. I think a trim is nice but shaved bare is overkill.

    On stubs growing on trimmed/shaved areas: apply hair conditioner. The stubs would at least feel soft and not like sand paper. It works.

  48. You’re hysterical, Neil. And thanks for posting that picture. YUUUUMMMMY.

  49. I’m trimmed and proud…fully bare can be sexy but also a little too “lolita” if you ask me…

  50. Thanks so much for the laugh! This discussion was…umm…unexpected. And, since I’m not on your blogroll, I don’t have to tell you which “category” I’m in 🙂

  51. I’m in the category of “don’t ever try to give yourself a bikini wax” ouch.

  52. I once used nair to remove my widows peak and took out a huge chunk of my hair in the process. Looking back it doesn’t even compare to having horribly itchy gentalia while in public. You’ve made me feel so much better about myself and my poor hair decisions (on the head and down below). So thanks!

  53. Oi the vey! Well, my friend shaved all of her foliage down there and ended up in the hospital with a horrible razor rash. That goes to show, a natural might be the way to be!

  54. Neil, did someone really ask you this? Seriously.

    Really?

  55. I received an E-mail a while back concerning waxing. I have no idea if this is a true story but that doesn’t matter. I laugh every time I read the E-mail even though I have read it 100’s of times.

    Enjoy, Claire

    ***************************************

    This is long, but worth the read…

    This is just horrifying!

    “It’s always the secure who are humble…”

    This has to be one of the funniest and most god-awful scenarios I have

    ever heard of… Bless this woman!!!

    ——————–

    All hair removal methods have tricked us with their promises of easy,

    painless removal. The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now…. The

    Wax!!

    My night began as any other normal weekday night. Come home; fix dinner;

    played with the kids. I then had the thought That would ring painfully

    in my mind for the next few hours; “Maybe I should pull the wax out of

    the medicine cabinet?”

    So I headed to the site of my demise; the bathroom. It was one of

    those cold wax kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the

    strips together in your hand and then they get warm and you peel them

    apart, press it to your leg (or wherever else) and hair comes right

    off!

    No mess, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I’m no girly, girl, but I

    am mechanically inclined enough that I can figure it out.

    *YA THINK!!!*

    So I pull one of the thin strips out. It’s two strips facing each other,

    stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, I get out the hair

    dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. Cold wax on my rear end (Oh, how

    this phrase haunts me!). I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin

    around it tight! and pull.

    OK… So it wasn’t the best feeling, but it wasn’t too bad. I can do

    this!!! Hair removal no longer eludes me!! I am She-Ra, fighter of all

    wayward body hair and smooth skin extraordinaire!!

    With my next wax strip, I move “north”. After checking on the kids, I

    sneak back into the bathroom for the ultimate hair fighting

    championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using

    the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of the

    bikini line, covering the right half of my vagina and stretching down to

    the inside of my butt cheek (Yes, it was a long strip). I inhale deeply

    and brace myself…. RRRRIIIIIIPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!

    I’m Blind!!!!! Blinded from pain!!!!!!… OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!

    Vision returning, I notice that I’ve only managed to pull off half of

    the strip. S**T!!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP… Everything is

    swirly and spotted. Do I hear crashing drums????? OK, back to normal. I

    want to see my trophy – A wax covered strip with my hairy pelt that has

    caused me so much pain, sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory

    that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip! There’s no hair

    on it!

    Where is the hair?? WHERE IS THE WAX? Slowly I ease my head down, foot

    still perched on the toilet. I see the hair… The hair that should be

    on the strip. I touch. I am touching wax. S**T!!! I run my fingers over

    the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and

    matted hair.

    Then I make the next BIG mistake . . . . . . . Remember, my foot is

    still propped up on the toilet. I know I need to do something, so I put

    my foot down. DAMN!!! I hear the slamming of the celler door.

    Vagina? Sealed shut! Butt?? Sealed shut!!! I penguin walk around the

    bathroom, trying to figure out what to do and think to myself, “Please

    don’t let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off.”

    Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I’ll run the hottest water I can stand

    into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax covered bits and the wax

    should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right?? *WRONG!!!!*

    I get in the tub – The water is slightly hotter than that used to

    torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment – I sit. Now,

    the only thing worse that having your nether businesses glued together

    is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub.

    In scalding hot water!! Which, by the way, doesn’t melt cold wax. So,

    now I’m stuck to the bottom of the tub!!! God bless the man that

    convinced me I should have a phone in the bathroom!!! I call my friend,

    thinking surely she’s waxed before and has some secret of how to get me

    undone. It’s a very good conversation starter, “So my butt and who-ha

    are stuck to the bottom of the tub!” There is a slight pause. She

    doesn’t have a secret trick, but does try to hide the laughter from me.

    She wants to know exactly where the wax is located on my bottom, “Are we

    talking cheeks or hole or what?”

    She’s laughing out loud by now… I can hear her. I give her the rundown

    and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH!!!

    Right!!!!!! I would be the joke of someone else’s night. While we go

    through various solutions, I resort to scraping the wax off with a

    razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered in

    hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water, and then dry

    shaving the sticky wax off!!!

    By now, the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I

    slip into glazed donut land. My friend is still talking with me as my

    hand reaches towards the saving grace… The lotion they give you to

    remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point. I

    rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids, scared

    the dickens out of my friend, but I really don’t care!!

    “IT WORKS!! IT WORKS!!” I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and

    she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then

    notice, to my grief and despair… THE HAIR IS STILL THERE… ALL OF

    IT!!!!!!!!!!!

    So, I shaved it off. Heck, I’m numb at this point.

    Next week I’m going to try hair color . . . . . .

  56. I’m not gonna put myself in any category, trimmed, shaved or growing a jungle…but I will recommend that if anyone dare to be bare down there…sugar wax is a lot safer than the hot stuff.

    Hehe fun post!

  57. Neil, I didn’t check your roster comments again to see if this was already stated, but I guess “Hair today, gone tomorrow” is pretty appropriate, but it might be just “cutting it close” if one chooses that “root”!

  58. I hate when guys have no pubes. It looks icky & then you can’t get any friction when you’re on top.

    I’ve been getting my snatch waxed for a few years now. I like it. But I had one guy from London who was really upset because he liked a “full bush.”

  59. I don’t I have laughed this hard and loud as I just did. Thanks, boy after a night that I just had, I needed it.

    I agree that I find it disturbing that men like the prepubesent look. But cave woman can be gross too. The compromise is the semi-brazilian for her, a nice trim for him.

  60. oops sorry for the typos…Meant to say that I haven’t laugh this hard and as loud as I just did.

    Wow, that was hysterical!

  61. Regarding the organization of your blogroll … Could you also put a form up we can fill out should our status change? I’m thinking 2006 may be a time for upgrades.

  62. I like my men nice and smooth down there… That way my nose won’t itch when I get down to business!

  63. That was hilarious!! I was laughing so loud that my two little boys came running in the room asking me what I was laughing at. Kind of hard to explain to a 3 and 6 year old.

  64. To shave or not to shave? That’s the question!

    hey Neil, just wanted to say HNY in case I haven’t yet!!!

    Wish u lots of blogging!

    Fitèna

  65. Kestrel, yes.

  66. I so should not be reading things like this. If only you weren’t so damn funny,,,,

  67. I’m pretty sure the pubic hair is air brushed on dude. No chick likes a mouth full of hair, I assure you this.

  68. It’s like a speed thing less friction and no wind resistance to slow you down

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