There’s nothing as flattering as being thought of as someone knowledgeable, as someone whose opinion matters — particularly on issues of male-female relationships. I’ve always harbored a secret desire to be a male "Dear Abby." So, I fell out of my chair this morning when a reader asked my opinion of something quite unusual:
I have been waxing (or shaving I guess) the bikini area. I haven’t been with someone since I started waxing everything off and I am wondering if upon finding this out… is a guy going to have a positive or negative reaction to it? What do you think? You can write about this on your blog. It might be interesting to hear other people’s thoughts!
Thanks for the question, Sara, but I’m not a typical man. After all, in my comments of my last post, I admitted that I would sleep with the 62 year old Stephanie Edwards.
Other men might disagree with me, but I couldn’t care less whether you are shaved or not. I mean the public hair is not made of steel wool and it certainly isn’t going to prevent me from getting to the good stuff. In fact, I like the hair because it gives the man something more to play with. What man doesn’t enjoy making braids with the woman’s public hair. Why take away the fun?
On that note, I should reveal that even I once shaved my pubic hair.
It all happened becuase one day, when I was in college, I noticed that my roommate, Wade, had shaved his.
"What the hell did you do?" I asked. "Are you trying out for the swim team?"
"Nah. I read that it could make my weiner look bigger."
I shrugged, thinking he was an idiot. Wade was constantly obsessing over his "weiner," which didn’t make much sense, since he had a beautiful girlfriend over at Barnard College, who obviously loved him despite whatever the "size" of his "weiner" was.
That night, Wade came home, all cheery. He told me that his girlfriend, Becca, gave him oral sex. She never wanted to do it before, because she was always repulsed by his pubic hair.
This quickly changed my opinion on this issue. Maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea after all? After all, look what happened with Wade and Becca!
I began to give this shaving idea some more serious thought when I was invited out to dinner with Wade, Becca, and Becca’s hot roommate – Annette. If Becca feels this way, maybe it’s the same with all Barnard girls. As they say, when in Rome, do as Romans do. When in a Barnard girl… maybe you need to get a trim.
A few hours before the big event, I went into the dorm bathroom with my scissors and my Gillette — and gave myself a lower body crew cut.
Later, at the restaurant, things were going terrific. There was food and drink and music. Wade and Becca were dancing. Annette and I were at the table, hitting it off. She said she was from Vermont. She said she loved Charles Dickens.
"So do I!" I said.
I said I love French movies.
"So do I!" she said.
Things couldn’t be going better when, suddenly, it felt as if I was sprouting a five o’clock shadow around my groin. I could actually feel the stubble rubbing against my underwear and it was itchy as hell. I started squirming in my seat.
"Is there anything wrong?" asked Annette.
"Just moving to the music," I answered, and started singing along to Duran Duran. "Uh, let’s dance…"
I grabbed Annette and we went off to dance. Anything to keep moving. I started dancing erratically, moving my legs this way and that, hoping the flowing air will give me some relief. Some people stopped dancing just to watch my crazy steps.
"You are a wild dancer!" said Annette.
Soon, I was totally exhausted from jumping all around. Annette and I sat down again. She seemed to be having a great time.
"You know, you’re really fun," she said.
"I like you, too."
I couldn’t believe I blurted that out. But, she smiled at me. Everything was OK. Everything was great. Annette was blushing and shyly turned away to watch another table that was singing "Happy Birthday."
But then the itch resumed. And it was worse than before. I quickly slid down in my chair, so no one can see — and gave my itchy area a little scratching, hoping to relieve my agony. Never was a scratch so necessary. I just hoped that this wouldn’t ruin the evening, considering that Annette seemed to really like me.
But then I noticed that Wade and Becca weren’t dancing anymore on the dance floor either. In fact, they were standing right behind me. Becca’s face looked in shock as she watched my hand on my groin, moving in an up-and-down motion under the table.
"Oh my god!," Becca said loudly. "Wade’s roommate is masturbating under the table!"
I still can visualize Annette’s face as she turned around to face me. Who knows if she even heard my explanation, or if the blaring sounds of "Hungry Like a Wolf" blocked out everything as she ran away from me. I doubt she would have really understood what happened — why I had shaved my pubic hair.
Let’s just say that things never worked out between us.
During that year in college, Wade got a lot of oral sex from Becca.
I let my public hair grow back. I’ve never touched it since.