Citizen of the Month

the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

Can Anybody Find Me Somebody to Hate?

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I’ve always wanted to hate another ethnic or racial group.  Hatred gives a person a lot of inner power and focus.  My biggest problem in my quest for hating others is that I’m not that political.  My main interests tend to be music, food, and fantasizing about women.

I’ve tried hating black people.  After all, so much of urban crime is caused by blacks.  But then I remember that scene in “Do the Right Thing” where John Turturro admits to Spike Lee that all his favorite singers and athletes were African-American.  Where would American music be without black musicians?  We’d still be stuck listening to wimpy Jewish guys named Neil (Sedaka and Diamond).  I’m not a big fan of soul food, so that’s not a big plus for me.   But I’ve always found black women very sexy.   So, blacks are out for me.

I should hate Mexicans.  Look how illegal aliens are taking over California.  But I love Mexican food and I have a fondness for Mariachi music.  And this Mexican-born woman on the third floor of my apartment building is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.

Do I need to bother bringing up Asians?   First of all, they have the food thing down pat.   Is there any cuisines better than the Chinese and Japanese?  I can’t stay angry at the Japanese for World War II when I think about sushi and green tea ice cream.  I don’t know much about their Asian music, but let’s just say Jewish men have a certain fondness for Asian women.

Jewish women are extremely sexy.  And Jewish food is great.  Why do so many people hate us?

I really want to hate Arabs.  Some of them really deserve to be hated.  But Middle Eastern food is delicious.  Even Israelis have to admit that much of their own food is modified Arabic food.  I predict that peace will come to the Middle East because of the food.  Arabic music is a little whiny for my taste.  But I would like to know more about Arab women.  So many of them are still stuck behind their burkas.  It makes me think that Arab women must be the hottest of them all, or else why would their men want to hide them from the rest of us?

Ethiopians:   food — yuch.  Music — so-so.  Women — gorgeous.

Indians:  food — yummy.  Music — annoying.  Women — amazing.

Italians:  food, opera, and great-looking women.  A trifecta.

the British:  bad food, the Beatles, the fabulous Kate Winslet

the French:  good food, bad disco-type music, chic women!

I was losing hope in my search for someone to hate.  But last week, there was a glimmer of hope.   I went with Sophia to dinner at the house of a co-worker, a Latvian interpreter.  This Latvian woman was the ugliest woman I’d ever seen.  The authentic Latvian dishes were absolutely awful.  Getting excited by the prospect of finding someone to hate, I asked the hostess if she had any Latvian music to play.   She put on a CD of a popular Latvian singer who sounded like a Slavic falsetto version of American Idol reject William Hung.  I was getting positively ecstatic – finally, I found a people to hate — LATVIANS!

I rushed home to Google to learn as much as possible about these petty little, pug-nosed Latvians.  I wanted to hate everything about them.  Then I found myself going to this link showing Olympic jumper Ineta Radevica posing in Playboy.  Damn it!

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68 Comments

  1. One sparrow does not a spring make. You could stick to hating the Latvian and use her to show that you’re not hating them blindly.
    Or you could hate Australians because they have it all. And what did they do to deserve such bliss?

  2. Thank goodness I didn’t read your blog today at work.

    Open-concept office. In a school staffroom. Full of women. All older than me. !

  3. I usually stick to hating NASCAR Republicans. You might try to argue that this isn’t an ethnic or racial group, but you would be wrong. And I have yet to see any hot ones, male or female.

    Anyway, give it a whirl.

  4. Well WASPs are always available. I believe it’s a politically correct position, too. Dead white males and all that. And their food sucks.

  5. I love that your decisions are based on food, women, and music. All the hungers must be satisfied! And I have to agree — this one Latvian might be a huge fluke. Or else she will age poorly. Evil cackle here from the WASP.

  6. Ashbloem — I see a lot of hot women on those country-music shows. Shania Twain? So, unattractive NASCAR Republicans are a myth. Besides, I love hamburgers — their main cuisine.

    Megarita — I didn’t think I even had to mention WASPS. We Jews have loved you shiksas since the days of Moses. Although I don’t eat much ham, I love turkey and dressing on Thanskgiving. Sometimes, I even order it at Denny’s for lunch — just because I want to — I love you guys that much!

    Moviequill — By “desert” shots, I think we both know that means “Studio City backlot.”

  7. I love women in the desert shots… even though I can’t see the camel. Nice post today to set the Wednesday mood for moi

  8. I see you’re in extremely good form today 🙂 Everyone hates us because their subconscious knows that we’re holding back from them. The whole world is waiting for the Jews to deliver the goods – but most Jewish people are still clueless about where to find them. They (and other religions) are still selling stuff that was meant for souls that lived here thousands of years ago – and it’s not working.

  9. You know who really gets under my skin? I know it’s wrong to generalize and all but I can’t help the way I feel and I’m going to take a stand: under bed monsters. What is good about them? NOTHING, that’s what. I hate them openly. We could start a society and have special outfits and our own flag. The UBM Hater Nation. Yeah, that sounds good. I like that.

  10. What I see is that as long as you’re horny, it endears all races to you thru the women, as they are the focus of your desire.
    So thru intensifying men’s desires, possible thru denial, women may hold the key to world wide peace.
    I think there may be a play in there somewhere.

  11. aaaand… I can no longer read your blog at work. But thanks for the laugh.

  12. I think you should probably just hate men. You seem to have far too much love for the females of the species to hate them no matter what.

    How about hating stupidity? That’s my hate button.

  13. Eskimos, Neil, Eskimos. When was the last time you saw an Eskimo in Playboy or went out to an Eskimo restaurant? Hasn’t happened, has it? And why is that? There are no Eskimo women in Playboy and the only things on the menu at an Eskimo restaurant is whale blubber and seal steaks, with a side order of fried walrus whiskers, if you are so inclined. So there you have it; hate Eskimos–they’ve got it coming.

  14. But they do that cute kissie rubbie nose thang.
    How could you hate that?!

  15. And the writer in Neil would surely appreciate “400 words for *snow* in Eskimo”‘ myth (or did it grow to 800 now? I forgot.)

  16. No, forget all of these.

    Cyborgs must be hated and destroyed. I like their movies, but beyond that, USELESS.

  17. Wow – I hate under bed monsters, too!

    They’re not hot at all and they can’t cook. The UBM in my house tried to make an omlette and just ended up making a big mess in the kitchen – and then didn’t clean it up.

    I hate them all.

  18. I really believe Under Bed Monsters are just a misunderstood group.
    They are actually quite talented group; the problem is they don’t know it.
    All the RRRROOOAARRR and GGGGRRRRR noises they make cause no one taught them to use their “soft voice”… once you do that, they are most excellent lullaby singers. And once they know how they much prefer that to the scary growl noises.
    And they will rub your back till you fall asleep if you give them an apple, but it has to be a Pink Lady apple. I don’t know why, but they really hate Granny Smiths.

  19. FINALLY… someone who thinks Jewish women are sexy! (and what’s so bad about the two Neils?)

  20. well, um…i guess the same goes for me. naked women blogs=company software block. for some reason it got through today…maybe because i needed to read that YES us Jewish women are sexy (although i’ve never had a complaint 🙂

  21. that is too damn funny. i happen to like jews and i wouldn’t mind marrying one cause i know he’d treat me right. but finding a jew who would convert to greek orthodox might be a problem. lol.

  22. Kiwis

    Rachel Hunter notwithstanding, they have some ugly broads. Food? Forget it. Music? Crowded House doesn’t count as good. Nice people and gorgeous landscapes. But this seems to fit your criteria.

  23. Ashbloem, I’m a NASCAR Republican, and am not repugnant — comments yesterday notwithstanding…

  24. If you need a group to hate pick one because of what they do, not because of who they are.

    I hate long-haul truckers and people who drive the speed limit in the left-hand lane on the Interstate — regardless of race, creed, religion, sex, or national origin.

    Oh, and do I need to point out that you put the picture of this naked blonde just above that of beloved Sophie? What a mistake!!

    Never put a blonde above a brunette!

  25. I’m sure there are many sexy NASCAR Republicans, but Shania Twain is Canadian.

    Maybe she’s a hockey Progressive Conservative.

  26. Sophia scolded me, saying my Latvian woman was completely inappropriate for my readers at work, so I made a little adjustment until the later “adult” hours.

    Sorry, guys.

  27. Most women don’t appreciate a good nipple – sigh.

  28. If we’d all go naked we’d soon have world peace.

  29. Thank you, Jason. Finally, someone understands that if we just ate good food, listened to some good music, and had some quality time with naked people — there would be no more war. Do you hear that you idiotic terrorists? Hey, maybe this will bring back the 1960’s?

  30. YAY!
    QUALITY NEKKID TIME!

    oh you ment later… not at work… oops. social faux pas. my bad.

  31. If we’d all went naked, the comedians would all be out of business before lunchtime.

  32. and that picture is obviously of a Guarani Indian pulling your leg before heading down to Ipanema. Come on, Neil, the answer is Eskimos, hate Eskimos. As for that “cute” nose rubbing thing someone brought up, what is that but some perverse way to share rhinoviruses? These people are breeding new strains of the common cold and no one is doing anything about it, dammit!

  33. like rubbing noses would be the grossest things we do to show intense affection.. not like licking someones genitals doesn’t come off as perverse in any way. 😉

  34. Are there really people who don’t think Jewish women are sexy? I don’t think I really got what sex was about until I started enjoying the nasty with Jewesses. I had a lot of WASPy cluelessness to throw overboard. And isn’t the word “Jewesses” incredibly sexy? I think it is anyway. Takes me back to posters of Rachel at the well in Sunday school class, all raven-haired and moody. Anyway, talk about appetites! Talk about entitled to pleasure! Talk about fleshy, earthy, sensual, mysterious, and funny.

    I devoted a decade to exploring what Jewesses had to teach, and what a fun decade it was. As a young friend who was dating a Jewess once said to me about dating Jewish women: “Best lays in the world! They’ll kill you with the neediness and whining. But the sex is great!”

  35. Jewess? Haven’t heard that word since reading “Ivanhoe.” I guess the “other” is always the mysterious one. I don’t find them too mysterious, but they definitely are sexy and funny (and smart). Hey, I married one. But that doesn’t mean I can’t fantasize about some shiksa goddess in her J. Crew turtleneck and making love on the polo field after the big game. Well, that’s assuming she’s funny, too. Can a shiksa goddess also be funny?

  36. Hate playa hatas, Neil.

    Someone just suggested that to me yesterday and it makes sense.

  37. Ah well; better luck next time mate.

  38. Justin — you are the ultimate playa, so I respect your wisdom.

    Claven — Kiwi women? Are you crazy?

  39. Jewess.
    Why do I find that kinda offensive?
    And I’m not easily offended.

  40. Neil, I think it’s time for a rousing chorus of tom Leher’s “National Brotherhood Week”

    “…Oh, the poor folks hate the rich folks. the rich folks hate the poor folks. All my folks hate all of your folks. It’s American as apple pie! …”

  41. Going around nekkid isn’t going to solve the UMB problem. The first thing they go after is danglies. And ACG, the last person that asked a UMB for a back rub ended up on a milk carton. Focus, people. Bring the hate.

  42. Lion…lioness.
    Steward…stewardess.
    Jew…Jewess.
    Christian…Christianess.
    UMB…UMBess.
    Bee…B.S.

  43. bring back the naked tits!

    i am so lucky to work at an organization that a) can’t afford software to block porn and b) talks about sex all day long anyhow.

    i just read about eskimos and kissing and how they actually don’t rub noses but put their faces very close to breathe each others breath. i don’t remember where i read it. did i dream it? supposedly the eskimos think sharing breath is highly erotic.

  44. Damn, Blowhard, you were almost my new hero…and then you had to go and mention neediness & whining…why, why, why?(or should i say, WAH,WAH,WAH)

  45. i just read about eskimos and kissing and how they actually don’t rub noses but put their faces very close to breathe each others breath. i don’t remember where i read it. did i dream it? supposedly the eskimos think sharing breath is highly erotic.

    OOOhhhhh… that’s my favorite part of kissing… right before that first kiss… lips so close… the anticipation… breathing each other’s breath… :-*

  46. Ultra right wing conservatives?

  47. You can hate Canadians. It seems to be one of our national pastimes.

    I could give you some good reasons to hate France and none of them are political, so no worries there–but I can’t give you a good reason to hate the women or the food, so I won’t even try.

  48. Why hate? Why not “people I really think could use a good thumping on the head”?

    And that would include the guy at work who will not shut up about his personal life, how he used to run a local gang, and is having marital problems with his wife and girlfriends. I don’t care! Quit following me!

    And the people who pull into the lane in front of me and slow down instead of pulling into the EMPTY lane over there.

    And the people who drive through the security gate and zoom off, without waiting for it to close! After they were told to wait!

    Yeah, a good head thumping is in order, then I’ll be ok with them again. No hating.

  49. Maybe you should just get a Whack-A-Mole game.

  50. evil tricky moles.
    hate them.

  51. that’s right, breathing in the breath of people who eat raw fish morning, noon, and night, not to mention that halsitosis fighting whale blubber, is just endlessly romantic. Imagine the fights over the wife finding sardines on your collar when you told her you were going out with the boys for some deep fried kelp and some walrus chips; the arguments over who gets custody of the kids and the sled dogs and which half of the igloo the wife gets in the settlement would be something to see. Still, who knows, maybe the cold deadens their sense of smell, but I still think if you gotta hate someone, hate Eskimos.

  52. hhhmmm.. sounds like someone was burnt bad by an eskimo in the past.

  53. I waited with bated breath to see your breakdown of Pollocks but alas, nothing. Sigh.

  54. Mary, if you’re from a Polish background, do we really need to even get into the beauty of the women?

  55. hey now… no smack talk about the poles!

  56. My breakdown of Pollocks is this: they will never decline in value, not now, not ever, because all of the rich people who own one will never admit that what they’ve got hanging in a place of honor on their walls is a house painter’s drop cloth. “But Jackson knew where the swirls were going to go…” they may say, but you and I and the right fielder for the Kansas City Royals knows that you can aim the paint but you cant steer it.

  57. LOL, Akaky, I think you got your Pollocks mixed up. Mary wasn’t talking about the artist, she was talking about Pollocks the fish. Right, Mary?

    I say – let’s stick with the chukchi (Russian Eskimos).

  58. …or let’s not. After all, “chukchi’s a reader, not a writer” (from Russian *Chukchi anekdot* series, ask Sophia), and you need readers, right?

  59. I dont think we can own nunchukchis in New York

  60. Jason … “If we’d all go naked we’d soon have world peace.” I live in Alberta. Come January, I might have some issues with this.

  61. you are pathetic, I posted comment and cause you didnt like it-you took it off!!! you call that democracy? i would like to see you saying something like this outside of your miserale country.

  62. i dont know why you insest in hating people, i think if you just try to like eveyone becides of hateing them you might find yourself much happier.

    i am latvian and i was verry offended by your comments and latvian women are beautiful 70% of them are tall blond hair and blue eyes.

  63. hate martian’s their slimy and have bad table manners, however venus has a band load of sexy seven foot tall valkeries and all they read all day are teen magazines and maxim!

  64. HATE THEM…if that will make you happy. :/

  65. You are sick, man!

    latvian

  66. Just don’t be trashin’ on the Lithuanians. Vee are beautiful.

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