I’ve always wanted to hate another ethnic or racial group. Hatred gives a person a lot of inner power and focus. My biggest problem in my quest for hating others is that I’m not that political. My main interests tend to be music, food, and fantasizing about women.
I’ve tried hating black people. After all, so much of urban crime is caused by blacks. But then I remember that scene in “Do the Right Thing” where John Turturro admits to Spike Lee that all his favorite singers and athletes were African-American. Where would American music be without black musicians? We’d still be stuck listening to wimpy Jewish guys named Neil (Sedaka and Diamond). I’m not a big fan of soul food, so that’s not a big plus for me. But I’ve always found black women very sexy. So, blacks are out for me.
I should hate Mexicans. Look how illegal aliens are taking over California. But I love Mexican food and I have a fondness for Mariachi music. And this Mexican-born woman on the third floor of my apartment building is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.
Do I need to bother bringing up Asians? First of all, they have the food thing down pat. Is there any cuisines better than the Chinese and Japanese? I can’t stay angry at the Japanese for World War II when I think about sushi and green tea ice cream. I don’t know much about their Asian music, but let’s just say Jewish men have a certain fondness for Asian women.
Jewish women are extremely sexy. And Jewish food is great. Why do so many people hate us?
I really want to hate Arabs. Some of them really deserve to be hated. But Middle Eastern food is delicious. Even Israelis have to admit that much of their own food is modified Arabic food. I predict that peace will come to the Middle East because of the food. Arabic music is a little whiny for my taste. But I would like to know more about Arab women. So many of them are still stuck behind their burkas. It makes me think that Arab women must be the hottest of them all, or else why would their men want to hide them from the rest of us?
Ethiopians: food — yuch. Music — so-so. Women — gorgeous.
Indians: food — yummy. Music — annoying. Women — amazing.
Italians: food, opera, and great-looking women. A trifecta.
the British: bad food, the Beatles, the fabulous Kate Winslet
the French: good food, bad disco-type music, chic women!
I was losing hope in my search for someone to hate. But last week, there was a glimmer of hope. I went with Sophia to dinner at the house of a co-worker, a Latvian interpreter. This Latvian woman was the ugliest woman I’d ever seen. The authentic Latvian dishes were absolutely awful. Getting excited by the prospect of finding someone to hate, I asked the hostess if she had any Latvian music to play. She put on a CD of a popular Latvian singer who sounded like a Slavic falsetto version of American Idol reject William Hung. I was getting positively ecstatic – finally, I found a people to hate — LATVIANS!
I rushed home to Google to learn as much as possible about these petty little, pug-nosed Latvians. I wanted to hate everything about them. Then I found myself going to this link showing Olympic jumper Ineta Radevica posing in Playboy. Damn it!
Maybe you should just get a Whack-A-Mole game.
evil tricky moles.
hate them.
that’s right, breathing in the breath of people who eat raw fish morning, noon, and night, not to mention that halsitosis fighting whale blubber, is just endlessly romantic. Imagine the fights over the wife finding sardines on your collar when you told her you were going out with the boys for some deep fried kelp and some walrus chips; the arguments over who gets custody of the kids and the sled dogs and which half of the igloo the wife gets in the settlement would be something to see. Still, who knows, maybe the cold deadens their sense of smell, but I still think if you gotta hate someone, hate Eskimos.
hhhmmm.. sounds like someone was burnt bad by an eskimo in the past.
I waited with bated breath to see your breakdown of Pollocks but alas, nothing. Sigh.
Mary, if you’re from a Polish background, do we really need to even get into the beauty of the women?
hey now… no smack talk about the poles!
My breakdown of Pollocks is this: they will never decline in value, not now, not ever, because all of the rich people who own one will never admit that what they’ve got hanging in a place of honor on their walls is a house painter’s drop cloth. “But Jackson knew where the swirls were going to go…” they may say, but you and I and the right fielder for the Kansas City Royals knows that you can aim the paint but you cant steer it.
LOL, Akaky, I think you got your Pollocks mixed up. Mary wasn’t talking about the artist, she was talking about Pollocks the fish. Right, Mary?
I say – let’s stick with the chukchi (Russian Eskimos).
…or let’s not. After all, “chukchi’s a reader, not a writer” (from Russian *Chukchi anekdot* series, ask Sophia), and you need readers, right?
I dont think we can own nunchukchis in New York
Jason … “If we’d all go naked we’d soon have world peace.” I live in Alberta. Come January, I might have some issues with this.
you are pathetic, I posted comment and cause you didnt like it-you took it off!!! you call that democracy? i would like to see you saying something like this outside of your miserale country.
i dont know why you insest in hating people, i think if you just try to like eveyone becides of hateing them you might find yourself much happier.
i am latvian and i was verry offended by your comments and latvian women are beautiful 70% of them are tall blond hair and blue eyes.
hate martian’s their slimy and have bad table manners, however venus has a band load of sexy seven foot tall valkeries and all they read all day are teen magazines and maxim!
HATE THEM…if that will make you happy. :/
You are sick, man!
latvian
Just don’t be trashin’ on the Lithuanians. Vee are beautiful.
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