the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

She Exists!

(Sophia Lansky)

Sophia was concerned that many of my readers were implying that this “Sophia” I’m always writing about is just a figment of my imagination.  So, true to form, she sprung into action and took this photo of herself with her cell phone while she was stuck in traffic on the 405. 

So there!  She exists.  Not everything on my blog is a lie.


  1. inky

    um, thanks for sharing. i think !?

  2. inky

    PS: now post your photo…so i know YOU exist.

  3. jenny

    he did once, forever ago. where is that darn photo…?

  4. jenny

  5. Richard

    She existed before, also.

  6. Anne

    Sophia, thank you for the proz tip. It’s nice to say thank you face to face. Or near enough.
    I was expecting a redhead though…

  7. Sophia

    Anne, il n’y a pas de quoi.
    ..and do red highlights count? 🙂

  8. Anne

    Bien sûr! I’ve been trying to pass those off as natural for years…!

  9. TWM

    Sophia is quite fetching. And a brunette to boot!

  10. Josia

    Finally! Spaciba! I think Sophia’s stealing a bit of the spotlight on this blog these days ….

  11. ekramer

    great picture loved you earings and necklace. and of course you.

  12. introspectre

    You shall be Sophia-lated. Resistance is futile!

  13. Nancy French

    Okay, so PROPOSE to her again already and get this back on track. She’s gorgeous.


  14. danielle


  15. Neil

    Why can’t I do anything right? The whole purpose of this blog was to meet and flirt with NEW women, not to have beautiful women from across America trying to set me up with my separated wife! This is more embarrassing than how old I was when I finally lost my virginity.

  16. anonymous city girl

    Nancy, how do you propose to someone you are already married to?

    Neil, you are so not single. And who’s going to be brazen enough to flirt back on back blogs when we know Sophia is watching?

  17. Leese

    Those eyebrows are gorgeous.

  18. Neil

    The weird thing is that Sophia has already gone out on two dates and the guys didn’t care at all that she is “only separated.” But when I asked a woman out, I got a two hour lecture about how she would never go out with a “married man.” Why the double standard?

    My only solutions:

    1) Stay with Sophia.
    2) Divorce Sophia.
    3) Lie to women about my marital status.
    4) Play up that I am married, and try to meet those women who like to have affairs with married men.
    5) Start dating other men because they don’t seem to care whether you are separated or not.

  19. Melliferous

    At the risk of backlash from married Citizen readers, I once dated a man who was “only separated.” I recently wrote about about him, Mr. Mafia. (By the way, I heard the same thing about the promiscuous puppets on the Mr. Rogers show.)

    Who wants to date someone who would give them a two-hour lecture before you’re romantically involved? Good riddance to that one Neil! Keep being honest and you’ll find someone to accept your marital status.

  20. Charlie

    After reading your first piece of Erotica, I would love to hear the tale of how you lost your virginity. Unless, of course, it squanders your ability to meet and flirt with new women even more than your readers’ current obsession of reuniting you with Sophia.

  21. Nancy French

    Oh, I thought y’all were divorced already — even better!!

    Okay, so propose anyway. Get a BIG flashy ring (Sophia, don’t read this part so you’ll be surprised.) I mean, three carats at least, platinum… we can all help you pick it out.

    See, you’re not even divorced! Great news! So, the only option is Number 1.


  22. Jack

    I need to get her cellphone. I have a camera on mine but the quality is not nearly as good.

  23. Neil

    Nancy, Nancy, I was sort of hoping we were going to hook up when your husband was away talking on Fox News or somewhere.

  24. cruisin-mom

    so, how old were you when you lost your virginity?

  25. susan

    yeah, i’d have to agree with ‘anon city girl’ it’s a bit strange–not to offend you or sophia (i like you both). how are women supposed to approach and flirt with you when sophia is on the blog, not just as a reader? it’s not that the women who might pursue you knows that sofia has dated other people, it’s that maybe they’ll think that you are “sooo not available” as ‘ACG’ stated. i can see why people would want to set you two back together, i was wondering the same thing–why a divorce? i obviously don’t know what i’m talking about b/c i don’t know your history, and only you two know. but you guys seem to obviously still care very much about each other. i don’t mean to make anyone uncomfortable, just a little puzzled.

  26. modigli

    Look at that HAPPY and GORGEOUS face, Neil!!! You can’t let her go, now!!!!! … come on…
    do something cRaZy to woo her back in to your arms!!!

    How about learning to play the conga drums and dance like a Cuban? It worked for Ricky and Lucy! 🙂 Oh, and promise Sophia that she can be in the band, too. It’ll be a done deal! 🙂

  27. Nancy French


    You notice I don’t even have a picture on my website? It’s because I am hideously repugnant, have three eyes, and weigh about 400 pounds. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that..)

    I am NO match for the beautiful Sophia, whose mere name indicates a wisdom and beauty I’ll never possess…

    But, if you don’t mind facial hair on a woman and are still interested, I think David’ll be on CNN soon. I’ll keep ya posted.


  28. Neil

    Sofotchka, my apologies, but I may have to soon ban you from this site. You are definitely ruining it for me and my love life. If what ACG and Susan are saying is true, I could have slept with half my female readers (and a few male readers as well) already if you didn’t stick your nose into all this. You owe me big — and not just five minutes this time!

  29. Danny

    Sophia looks self-confident and formidable—who wouldn’t be attracted to that? All this talk has made me inappropriately curious about the history of that relationship: when did you meet, how long until you got married, what was the marriage like, how long did it last, what were the issues that led you two to separate? Are you getting a divorce or is this just a trial separation? None of my business, of course, but hey, I’m not the one posting pictures of my ex-wife on my blog (although I mention mine frequently). If I were a single gal looking for a hot writer I must say I *would* feel a bit intimidated to make any lewd propositions on your blog knowing that the assertive ex-wife is reading daily. On the other hand, I I’m not sure it’s such a great idea to use your blog as a matchmaking tool. What, you never heard of J-Date?

  30. kris

    I hope my beau never calls me formidable.

  31. Neil

    What other reason is there to blog for? Certainly not the money…

  32. anonymous city girl

    Hey, my blog may have lead to a paying gig… we’ll see once I turn my article in.

    It’s not that you are seperated Neil, it’s that you and Sophia are so obviously HUGE parts of each other life… just off the top of my head, she came over and you cared for her when she was sick, when your parents came to LA, it was you, she, and them spending time together, and the loving references to her in every other post.

    Who wants to date an intelligent and charming man who idolizes his “ex”? You either can never live up to her memory or he’ll end up back with her (usually once you’ve already fallen for him).

    The reason Sophia can easily find dates (besides being beautiful) is that (generally) men think short term, while women (generally) think long term.

  33. anonymous city girl

    And don’t do whatever you do!!!!
    You read my “Best Worst Date” post.

  34. Neil

    ACG – I don’t have that problem with over-idolizing Sophia. My problem is that women never live up to the standards of my MOTHER!

  35. JJ MacMillan

    Neil, just start a new blog called Neil’s Flirt Blog and do your flirting there and continue to post your serious journalism here.

  36. anonymous city girl

    My problem is that women never live up to the standards of my MOTHER!

    Can anyone live up to a mother’s standard? I love my sister-in-law, but is she really good enough for MY little brother? Hmm, but if she makes him happy then I’m happy.

  37. cruisin-mom

    okay Neil, I notice that you don’t respond to my comments…I realize I’m not as hot as Brooke, and while I’m no Sophia, I am of Russian descent…does that help?

  38. Jason W.

    I have no advice for your flirting problems, but I’ll flirt with Sophia if that helps.

  39. Jack

    while women (generally) think long term.

    If only logic was involved with thought. 😉

  40. anonymous city girl

    Ok.. I don’t know where Jack is but I’m plannin’ a trip there to kick some butt. 😉

  41. Dating Dummy

    Very cool. Always nice to have a face to the name.

  42. susan

    yeah, as ‘ACG’ states in her few comments here, i’d be wonderin if i’d be able to live up to the standards, (not necessarily of sophia), but what you two had together. if i was pursuing you, i’d be a little intimidated that your relationship essence is something that i’d never be able to replicate. so i’d probably be a little threatened, jealous? because it’d be plenty obvious to me that you two love each other still and have not let each other go. i’d not want to be entangled. but that’s just me talking black and white. i know things are more complicated than that. so what do i know? i’ve never been married.

  43. Neil

    I think I just lost out on five potential dates with a bunch of real hotties — all in one morning. That’s a record for me.

  44. Edgy Mama

    Sophia, you’re gorgeous. Nice to see your face.

    Neil, at least you haven’t lost me as I’m already married, so we can just continue to flirt in cyberspace.

    So, did you answer the virginity question yet?

  45. Neil

    Cruisin Mom, Edgy Mama, — as two mothers, don’t you always tell your children not to “Kiss and Tell?”

  46. anonymous city girl

    You had no problem kissing and telling about your evening with Sophia when she spoke so highly of your “manhood”.

  47. susan

    neil, i’m just sayin’

  48. susan

    or i guess it could be a good thing. “oh look how good of a relationship he has with his ex; he’s not threatening.” and scores of women will start flirting with you. ok, my last comment. i got all caught up even though i’m supposed to be workin. see what your interesting life drama is doing to me? it’s sucking me right in.

  49. Tatyana

    Hmm, let’s see: sketchily employed screenwriter, main interest – flirt, loss of virginity still close in time to remember, occasionally experiences hole confusion, periodically trade favors with 1.5 yrs ago-separated wife for 5 min of her posing nude…
    …is looking for NEW women[pl].
    Candidates are to resemble diluted version of his estranged wife and are subject for screening by his mother.

    Is that it?

  50. Bad Maria

    this has been one interesting set of comments!
    Kris – I’ll bet your beau DOES think of you as formidable and I’d take it as a compliment (actually I am and I do)
    Susan – just ask Neil out already
    Jack – if we were logical would we really keep you interested?
    Danny – I’m with you…what the f&*% was/is the deal? now that would be an interesting post..
    Neil – YOUR MOTHER? just ask one of these chicks out already!!!

  51. susan

    Bad Maria: huh?

  52. Bad Maria

    Tatyana – Brava!!! I think you should print that on J-date for him!

  53. Brooke

    The purpose of your blog was to meet women??? Neil Neil Neil… need to be smacked upside the head. Writing is done on blogs….dating is done out in the world! Silly boy. Get off the computer if you want to meet chicks!

  54. Nancy French

    Don’t get off the computer and get out in the world. You have Sophia’s number… Just use it.

    Plus, how would we entertain ourselves if you left?

  55. Jack

    Ok.. I don’t know where Jack is but I’m plannin’ a trip there to kick some butt.


    I am in Los Angeles but I don’t fear you because with that tremendous logic you’ll probably get lost on the freeway and never find me. Of course you might run into Sophia who apparently is trapped in a slow moving vehicle. Say hello for me and tell her that her paycheck is on the way from the agency, we have to make sure that our boy Neil maintains his image. 😉

    Bad Maria,

    I am inclined to refer to you by your initials, but I’ll decline in the interest of not pissing off more people right now.

    But you never know, I may respond with those letters in the future.


  56. anonymous city girl

    don’t they have car services and taxis out in LA?
    I heard no one walks out there.

  57. mrsmogul

    She’s not real! she’s my sister!

  58. kris

    To Neil and the very good Maria!

    I should elaborate on my formidable comment. It’s leftover from my 7th grade gym class. Someone called me formidable and they didn’t mean it in the nice way you all do. 🙂

  59. cruisin-mom

    Neil, I’m not your mom…fess up

  60. Sophia

    In ballet a complicated story is impossible to tell… we can’t dance synonyms.
    — George Balanchine

    Maybe the same goes for telling a complicated story on a blog.

    Love and marriage are such big issues — I had to turn to the masters to speak for me.

    Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.
    — Confucious

    It is most unwise for people in love to marry.
    — George Bernard Shaw

    Marriage is an adventure, like going to war.
    — G. K. Chesterton

    Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.
    — Joan Crawford

    Ah Mozart! He was happily married – but his wife wasn’t.
    — Victor Borge

    TWM, ekramer (mom-in-law), NJ, Nancy French, leese, modigli, Edgy Mama – thanks for the compliments.

    I am always a little leery to comment on Neil’s blog because:

    a) I am tempted to give away his secrets
    b) I don’t want to stop anyone from flirting with him
    c) I often want to scream at everyone for taking his very funny semi-fiction as an account of true events (especially when it concerns me.)

    Besides, I was worried that my presence might turn his female readers off. Now that I see that it’s quite the opposite 😉 – hello!

    The separation questions are Neil’s to answer or not, but you could care about someone and love them to pieces and still not be a good marriage match. Or could you?

    End of speech.

    Ladies — flirt on,
    Jack — the camera phone is a Nokia,
    mrsmogul — I am your sister? Do tell. It would be nice to have a pied-a-terre in London.

  61. True Jersey Girl

    She’s quite a beauty! Thanks for your comment on my blog today…I see we have lots of blogfriends in common!

  62. Jay

    Whew. She is totally admirable in her ability to take a great photo, and one in traffic no less!

  63. Nancy French

    >>but you could care about someone and love them to pieces and still not be a good marriage match. Or could you?

    Yes, you guys can make it work.

  64. Melliferous

    Jeepers kamolie Neil, look whatchu started!

  65. Bad Maria

    Marriage is indeed complicated, even after you’re divorced, Sophia, do you subscribe to the Oscar Wilde philosphy?…(and I paraphrase)…talk shit about me as long as you talk about me….? ah, the trouble I’m in, from my ex, and now possibly from you…yes, my darlings, it is 100% possible to adore someone and be completely unsuitable for marriage…I feel your angst…

  66. jenny

    i’m away from the computer for a few hours and this is what happens! reading through all of it just isn’t the same…did i miss the part where we actually find out WHY they are separated?!

  67. Neil

    What I learned today from my post:

    Marriage is difficult.

    Being separated is difficult.

    People find Sophia as sexy as I do.

    Sophia is reading a lot more books with fancy quotes now that she’s on her own.

    Sophia’s Noklia cell phone has a good camera.

    A blog is a bad matchmaking tool, especially when you blog about your wife.

    I’m probably not going to have the opportunity to sleep with any of my female readers any time soon.

    My male readers wish I’d get back to talking about sexy women other than Sophia.

    Susan is easily distracted at her job.

    Bloggers are nosy people.

  68. Megan

    Darn my job keeping me away from all the good stuff!

    Sofia, now that I’ve seen you I still have a blog crush on you, you sexy thang.

    Neil, I gotta agree with ACG. From the very first time I read mention of Sophia, I thought you guys sounded made for each other. I bet you drive each other crazy and then have great make up sex (but please do NOT tell us about it!). I think it is now official: I can’t sleep with you because of all this. Damn, and we don’t live all that far apart. 😉

    (I still want to know how old you were when you lost your virginity; I’ll tell you my age if you tell me yours!)

  69. mary

    Sophia is adorable! I think that about R sometimes – I was so glad when my NYC blogger friends met him in NYC so they could see he’s alive, ALIVE!

  70. Helena

    I am a jealous Leo…I’ve been pouting since the erotica post.

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