I always found it interesting that there are some things you can ask in polite company, such as â€œWhat do you do for a living?â€ and some things you canâ€™t, such as â€œHow much do you make?â€
If I said, â€œI really need to get laid,â€ every one of you would chime in yelling, â€œGo for it!â€Â But imagine I said, â€œIâ€™m looking to make new friends.â€Â Â Wouldnâ€™t that make me sound desperate?
For several years now, Sophia has been my best friend.Â She still is.Â But I feel like expanding my horizons.
Finding good friends has been a difficult job post-college.Â When I need to discuss something important, I usually turn to old friends back in New York.Â I would be completely miserable without these important friends that Iâ€™ve had since grade school.Â Theyâ€™re more important to me than most of my relatives.
Iâ€™ve made several good friends since coming to Los Angeles, but most of them are in the entertainment business — and these people donâ€™t always make the most reliable of friends.Â When every newbie writer/director/comedian/musician gets off the plane at LAX for the first time, they should be given a t-shirt that reads â€œSelf-absorbed,â€ much like they hand out leis in Hawaii.Â I love my friends from film school, but sometimes I wonder if we can talk about anything other than screenwriting.
Getting married created a lot of upheavalÂ of friendships for both Sophia and I.Â Some of my friends didnâ€™t like Sophiaâ€™s politics.Â Some of Sophiaâ€™s friends didnâ€™t think I was good marriage material.Â These friends became casualties of our nuptials.Â Itâ€™s easy to say that you will remain friends with someone despite his feelings about your spouse, but it is very difficult to make this into a reality.
Sophia and I started hanging out with other married couples.Â But there were problems here, too.Â Sophia is the type of woman who likes to hang out with the guys.Â Iâ€™m a guy who likes to hang out with the women.Â Unfortunately, after dinner, many couples still split up gender-wise, just like they did in our parentsâ€™ era.Â The women gossip in the kitchen, the men talk about sports and the stock market in the living room.Â And Sophia and I both hated being stuck with our gender.Â Yeah, I tried to play golf with a group of husbands, but it really wasnâ€™t me.
To make it worse, it was almost impossible to become a close friend with another married woman.Â I really hit it off with Joy, who was one of the wives â€“ just as friends.Â We both were English majors and met a couple of times at a coffee shop to talk about books.Â Sophia had no problem with this, but it still felt like we were cheating on our spouses.Â Sophia and I went out frequently with Joy and Mark, but Sophia would usually end up talking with Joy, while I was stuck with her Mark, whose main interest was tax software.
Marriage also affects your relationships with old friends.Â Suddenly, youâ€™re not as â€œthereâ€ for your friends as you used to be.Â I can only imagine how much more complicated it gets when you have children. Itâ€™s not that I havenâ€™t complained about other friends once they got married.Â I have a friend whose wife always answers the phone when I call.Â Â I like his wife, but I donâ€™t always want to talk to her for twenty minutes about the kidsâ€™ potty training before I get to speak to my friend.Â Sometimes, Iâ€™m so talked out after my conversation with her that I donâ€™t want to speak to my friend anymore.
My separation with Sophia has caused even more problems with some friends.Â Whose side do our friends take?Â Fortunately, Sophia and I get along well enough to still go out with our couple friends.Â But I can imagine how the divorces of other couplesÂ can destroy friendships as well as a family.
So, where can I find new friends?Â Bloggers, perhaps?
The biggest problem with becoming friends with other bloggers is that youâ€™re already in an awkward position.Â You know too much about each other, evenÂ before you even meet.Â Recently I went to a LA blogger meet-up, where I finally got to meet some fellow bloggers. But, over the last few months, Iâ€™ve exchanged personal details with my blogging pals through our writing, and our face-to-face meeting could never match that intensity.Â In writing, we can write about whatever we want.Â In person, there are social constraints. Maybe if I actually brought my laptop with me and we just sent emails back and forth across the bar — I would have been more comfortable.
How do you online daters do it?Â Isnâ€™t it weird writing back and forth to each other, impressing each other, flirting with each other, learning about each other (sometimes even having phone sex) — and then, after all that, actually meeting in person.Â Whatâ€™s left to talk about â€“ the weather?
So, Iâ€™m officially in the market for new friends.Â Some of you might make good friends, but the concept is a little scary. Â I donâ€™t mind my mother reading my blog.Â But do I really want a close friend who reads my blog every day?
So, be forewarned.Â If I do become your real friend, Iâ€™m immediately blocking your IP address from my blog.