Citizen of the Month

the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

Tale of Two NBC Job Applications

martha2.jpg

I love NBC.  I really do.  And I’m not just saying that because I recently applied for a job there. 

The people at NBC are very nice.  I enjoyed my interview.  Before the interview, I went to human resources.  I spoke with a very nice and attractive executive.  We joked a lot about the relationship between NBC and Universal.  While I was there, I was given some paper work to fill out — and when I say paperwork, I mean PAPERWORK.  You know, the typical questions for a corporate human resources department:

Where have I worked for the last ten years?  What are my last seven residences?  Have I ever applied for a job at NBC before? Do I know anyone at NBC?  What are my references?  Have I ever made a joke or a disparaging comment about NBC’s lame comedies since Frasier left the air?  Have I ever watched one of the dozen different Law and Orders and can I distinguish one from the other?  Do I like David Letterman better than Jay Leno?    Have I ever been convicted of a crime or been in jail?

Now, imagine I have been convicted of a serious crime.  Imagine I did do some jail time.  Do you think I would have a chance to get the low paying job I was applying for, something I’m way overqualified to do? 

Even better, do you think they would let me host my own TV show — say a spin-off of "The Apprentice," one of the network’s most popular shows? 

Hmm.

NOTE TO THOSE COMING FROM 2 BLOWHARDS:  I’d like to welcome you here.   Please check out the other people on my blogroll.  They are much friendlier than I am.  I also would like to thank Michael Blowhard for his kind words about this site.  If only you would have made them earlier, maybe I would have gotten that stupid NBC job (which I didn’t).  Next time, I’ll fake you as a reference.   I also promise to stop describing your terrific blog to others as "the egghead one."

28 Comments

  1. I don’t think Martha actually applied for the job. I think she trounced into NBC with some of her new jail buddies and demanded it. I know I wouldn’t say no to her.

  2. Do you think it was your criminal past? Or the fact that prolly couldn’t begin to hide the fact that EVERYONE thinks Dave Letterman is funnier than Leno?

  3. Martha is such a ^#%W^%#%^#%. I am no fan of hers. Stick her ass back in the slammer.

  4. Considering Martha’s past how do you think she got past the human resources department criminal questions? I’m guessing lots of cash and home baked cookies.

  5. I am going to 2blowhards right now because they aren’t currently applying for jobs.

    They’re REAL, Neil.

  6. Let me rephrase that last comment, Neil because as I look at it I realize it may be misconstrued.

    You are currently applying for jobs at the biggest corporation who is guilty of employing slave labor (the page program at NBC) than any other page program on the face of the Earth.

    Combine that with a picture of martha stewart, who also supports such practices and, well, it’s just left a weird taste in my mouth.

    Oh, I’ll be back — but on a non-page supporting, one-world government kind of day.

  7. do you think that a record includes getting taken to student court for being in the same room as alcohol during your freshman orientation? probably not. or getting pulled off the metro in spain because you tirar’ed your ticket because you didn’t know you were supposed to guardar it. probably no again. nice should out from the blowhards!

  8. Hey Pauly D,

    I read this great blog (sorry, bolo) all the time, though I don’t comment a lot.
    Your comment was so freaking rude and disrespectful to Neil, with or without rephrasing.

    You’re going over to blowhards “because they aren’t currently applying for jobs. They’re REAL, Neil.”

    Very classy…

  9. You were applying for a job? I HATE people who apply for jobs! That just makes me FREAKINIG CRAZY when people apply for a job. I’m outta here, man. Forget you and job applying-ness. Jerk.

  10. list your last seven residences? okay, now who doesn’t have CAR listed as one?

  11. I’m confused. If you are real you don’t work? Does that mean that the only real adults in the world are those that still live with their parents in the basement due to habitual unemployment? We are all fakers? Dammit! I want to be a real girl! Bring on the sloth!

  12. Jim – you may or may not have realized that I was kidding.

    Oh well.

  13. Peace. Aren’t most jobs slave labor?

  14. I still want sloth. Don’t take that away from me.

  15. Brooke, with your “two soiled dishes in the sink are intolerable” habit sloth becomes fantasy land.

    Not that I don’t share the fantasy..

  16. i’ll wager that he didn’t realize, PD. this is all very amusing. thanks boys.

  17. I’m confused, Neil. Did you respond yes or know to the jail question?

  18. (and, i’m totally getting furious that my comments are regarded as spam. i’m effing out of here too, you gigantic jerk.)

  19. Pauly D’s sense of humor and voice is very clear in his blog, he’s a funny guy. He’d never say something like that and be serious.

    Neil, I’m sorry you didn’t get the job 🙁 But they’ll rue the day!!! RUE!

  20. I want to be your apprentice! How cool would that be?

  21. Martha is a piece of work.

  22. Waiting patiently for your next entry to get a good laugh before I go to sleep here in Israel …

  23. hehe I had interviewed for David Letterman when he was at NBC. I even wrote about it two months ago. I love Martha and her trashy web site!

  24. Tatyanna, I take it your read my anal-retentive post. Thanks! Now I must go make my bed before bedtime.

  25. I’m in San Diego for a few days working. And being a little slothful also.

    And, yes, I have been to a prison… on the Alcatraz tour. NBC didn’t find that funny, I don’t know why.

    And thank you Jim for protecting me agains Pauly. He is known in town as “the meanest man in Hollywood.”

  26. Meanest? Man? In? Hollywood?

    That’s my father, I’ll have you know.

  27. I just found you through Bathroom Reading. Great site!

    Don’t be surprised if I become a regular…

  28. A regular bathroom reader?

    Man, I always wanted an Internet Terminal next to my toilet.

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