the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

Author: Neil Kramer (Page 115 of 187)

Good News/Bad News

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The good news is that Sophia doesn’t have invasive breast cancer.

The bad news is she has DCIS (Ductal carcinoma in situ).

What is DCIS?

DCIS is not life-threatening. It is non-invasive, and is considered the earliest form of cancer—Stage 0. Stage 0 breast cancer (sometimes called pre-cancer) is an uncontrolled growth of breast cells that is stuck inside the milk duct where it started. It has not yet figured out how to spread outside the duct or to other areas of the body.

Although this cancer stays inside the milk ducts, it is associated with an increased risk of getting an invasive cancer, or cancer that has spread to surrounding tissues, in the future. The risk of the DCIS coming back is extremely variable and depends on the size and personality of the DCIS, as well as the type of treatment. Recurrence of cancer can be either non-invasive (not life-threatening) or invasive (potentially serious). The main goal of treating DCIS is to reduce the risk of an invasive cancer later on.

Another downer is that the doctors want Sophia to come back for another surgery in the same spot– in TWO AND A HALF WEEKS from now. This will be the third surgery she’s had at Cedars-Sinai in less than two months. It seems that the DCIS was found very close to one of the margins, so they have to do a bigger surgery.

Now, remember when we bad-mouthed Cedars-Sinai for their treatment of Sophia’s mother when she was in the hospital? Remember we changed our mind about Cedars-Sinai when everyone was so kind to Sophia during her surgery? Well, we’ve changed our mind AGAIN. It seems that when the surgeon at Cedars-Sinai took out the tissue, he forgot to mark the orientation (the North and South, so to speak) of it, so now the pathologists have no idea whatsoever near which margin the DCIS is located. Apparently, doing the orienting is a standard procedure. Because of this error, the surgeon will have to cut out more tissue all around. Sophia is incredibly pissed off at the doctor for that. She insisted that I write about this detail here, but I was nervous about mentioning the surgeon’s mistake.

“Do we really want to get on his bad side?” I asked. “After all, he’s probably going to be doing the surgery again.”

Sophia was adamant.

“Don’t write about it all if you’re NOT going to tell the truth about what happened to all the people who have been waiting to hear from us.”

Sophia is pretty sad and upset. I’ve been trying to be upbeat all night, telling her to look on the bright side. It is non-invasive. But maybe I’ll shut up for a while. Sometimes, it’s good to let someone be angry, although this is an area that I’m not very good at. I never know what to say, other than “Don’t be angry and sad.”

Thank you all for your wishes, prayers, and the good cheer you sent Sophia’s way. Keep ’em coming.

“You should go back to writing your regular stuff.” said Sophia. “We all could use something funny.”

Happy Mother’s Day, Mom!


Mr. T – Treat Your Mother Right


Always ask you Mom! (TV commercial)


Shir Biton, Israeli Idol 3 winner — “Eema” (Mama)


My Yiddishe Mama (TV commercial)


Jay Chou — Listen to Mother (Ting Ma Ma De Hua)


ABBA – Mama Mia on Wonderama 1976

Sophia’s Pre-Surgery Photos

Only Sophia would take photos seconds before her surgery at Cedars-Sinai so I could post them on my blog!

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Dr. Scott Karlan, the best surgeon ever, and Dr. Ellis Lai, the coolest anesthesiologist.

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The doctors joking with Sophia.

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Sophia making sure the doctors write down “citizenofthemonth.com” before the surgery, so they can see their photos on my blog. 

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Dr. Karlan was kind enough to let me consult with him before the surgery, seeing that I watched “Gray’s Anatomy” the night before.

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Romel, the friendly surgery nurse.

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Sophia’s feet.  Former blogger Eileen from Sydney, Australia sent these homemade stickers with Sophia’s name written on each label:  “Dancing for Sophia,” “Smiling for Sophia, “Praying for Sophia,” etc.

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Everyone loved Sophia and wanted to put the stickers on, including the doctors.

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Dr. Karlan:  “Let’s get the show on the road.”   He has a great sense of humor.   As Sophia was being rolled into surgery, he was cracking jokes to make her smile.

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Elvira, the pretty recovery nurse.

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A bunch-load of cards greeted Sophia when she came back home!

Special thanks to (and apologies if I’m forgetting someone):

Stacy at Jurgen Nation
Ms. Mamma
Ms. Sizzle
Tamarika
Heather Anne
Danny
Pearl
Schmutzie
Laurie at Crazy Aunt Purl
Jane Poe
Long Story Longer
Communicatrix
Javacurls
Noel
Kanani at Easy Writer
Tracie Lyn at Red Door Studios
Non-Highlighted Heather
Irina at The Ignoble Experiment
Alexandra at Marvelous Madness
Alissa and Evan
Otir
Finn
Buzzgirl

Leah at Only Partially Insane
Marilyn
Maven at The Sanctum Sactorum
Mike and Karen
Anonymous from Albany
Kristen
V-grrrl

Claire
Expat Jane
Karl

Paperback Writer
Pia at Courting Destiny
Cynical Girl
Eileen

Richard Heft
Jason
Caron
Katie

Orieyenta and Little Orieyenta
Akaky
Ariel
Villanovababy
Better Safe Than Sorry
Michelle V.

Heather B.
Juliness

… and everyone who wrote such nice things on the blog and in emails!

Sophia is resting at home and we’re waiting…

Before Surgery

Last night, we went to the pier to watch the sunset.  It was very calming for Sophia.  The water.  The sky.  The smell in the air.  My mind was playing tricks on me because everything normal was infused with meaning, even the kids who were fishing off the end of the pier.  I was rooting for the fish not to be fooled by the lure.  Why should they be put into unnecessary danger?  I wanted them to swim away.. safely. 

I told Sophia about a new restaurant that opened, a real dive, but with excellent homemade Lebanese/Pakistani food (the female cook is Lebanese and the male owner is Pakistani), so we went there for dinner.   The owners were clearly Muslim, which didn’t stop Sophia from telling them how she lived in Israel and was Jewish, and loved this type of food.    The owners didn’t seem to care what we were, and kept on bringing us free samples to try.  Sophia told the woman that she had surgery tomorrow, and the information brought out the mother in this female cook.  She put some extra spices into the food, saying they are healing, and then promised to pray to Allah for her health.

It is now five in the morning.  I am in the living room.  I slept on the couch.  Sophia is upstairs.  She sleeps better by herself.  I hope she got a good night sleep.  She needs it.  I wish I was upstairs with her.  I’d like to be able to calm her.  Hell, I could use some calming myself. 

Maybe I’ll go back to sleep for another hour.  We don’t have to leave until nine o’clock, but I wanted to clean out the car before we left and do another wash in the laundry.  I have to remember that Sophia can’t drink anything today, even water.  I’m not sure why.  It is very hot in Los Angeles, which sucks, since we don’t have air-conditioning.  Even Griffith Park is burning.

I wish I was upstairs, listening to Sophia breath as she soundly sleeps.  I wish I was upstairs, kissing her, tasting her sweetness. 

The Bracelet

Thank you to everyone who sent cards and good wishes to Sophia concerning her surgery tomorrow, both in the mail and through email. What an amazing group of people! She has been very touched.

I’ll be thanking everyone personally. I can’t believe how many people responded. I had to stand on line at the post office for a half hour because I received a note that all the mail couldn’t fit in my P.O. Box. Along with a ton of cards from bloggers around the world, Danny sent Sophia food from Zingerman’s Deli (sorry, I ate the brownies). Ms. Mamma sent some of her beautiful photos. Heather Anne sent her a copy of one of her favorite books, “The Tale of Despereaux” by Kate DiCamillo. Pearl sent a lovely notepad. Question Girl is putting Sophia’s name on her shirt when she walks for a cure. Jane Poe sent a tiny Chinese gong so Sophia can “ring me” from the bedroom during her recovery (that one I’m sure will get the most use!).

One little gift was very special because it came with a beautiful story. The gift is a bracelet sent from Tamarika in Philadelphia. With her permission, I’m just going to give you her words:

Dear Sophia,

Last July I had a breast cancer scare. Tom was away all of the summer and I hardly know anyone in Philadelphia. Needless to say — it was hell! One day I met a woman (too long a story for here) and we got to talking. I told her about my fears. She makes jewelry. At the end of our conversation, she gave me this bracelet she had made. She murmured something about crystals, energy, spiritual power. I put it on my left wrist and have not taken it off since then — even to shower, sleep, swim — whatever… until this morning. It’s time to pass the goodness of this bracelet — the kindness of my new friend — onto you. I cannot image how you are feeling. But I hope this dear little crystal bracelet might give you a few moments of comfort and support through this difficult time — just as it did for me. I almost feel as if it is my dearest possession. You are in my thoughts.

Love, Tamar

Dear Neil,

You are constantly in my thoughts too. Smiles.

Thanks, all! You lifted our spirits. I’m hoping that the news will be good, and soon Sophia can pass this bracelet to someone else who may need it!

P.S. — Some of you wanted to send Sophia flowers but didn’t want to send it to a P.O.Box. If anyone wants the home address, just email me.

Do You Do Yoga?

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With Sophia’s surgery coming up, I’m trying to not make the mistakes of the past, where I get more anxious than Sophia, and I’m the one who feels like fainting in the hospital.  I don’t think I breathe properly, especially when I’m nervous.  I also have a deviated septum, so I tend to breathe through my mouth, which I’ve read is NOT the best way to breathe.

I remember reading an article about some sort of yoga that deals specifically with breathing.   Do any of you do yoga?  What does it do for you?  I really know very little about yoga, which should be a surprise to you, since there are as many yoga studios as fish taco stands in Redondo Beach.  I’m most interested in the breathing aspect of it, rather than the ability to flex myself like a pretzel.   They do yoga at the gym, but it seems less focused on breathing than exercise.   I’m also a little turned off by the pseudo-religious aspects of places like the Rising Lotus Yoga Studio:

Come join us for an evening of ecstatic chanting. No singing experience needed, only a willingness to open your heart (and your mouth) to the blissflul flow. Kirtan (from the sanskrit word for singing) is easily learned and instantly memorable. The form is simple: a lead group calls out the melodies. The crowd responds. Sanskrit, the language of ancient India, is also the mother tongue of many modern languages. But the true meaning of its sounds are in the effect they create. As everyone’s breathing becomes synchronous, a feeling of unity and timelessness arises. When we sing without restraint our heartfelt expression brings peace and joy and meditation follow effortlessly.

Am I being too judgemental?  If we’re going to be singing songs to relax, why do we have to do it in Sanskrit?  If we’re going to use some obscure language, why not Yiddish? 

And most importantly, through yoga, can I really perfect my tantric lovemaking like Sting?

I’ll probably wimp out about going to yoga, but I’m still curious about YOUR experiences, and what type of yoga you most recommend. 

A Year Ago on Citizen of the Month:  Fat People

My First Day On Twitter

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(I feel bad that I never join those online applications like MySpace and Facebook.    So I decided to join the newly popular Twitter to see what it is all about.   I’m still trying to figure it out.  I’ll probably stop using it by Monday.)

My Proposed Twitterings

I just woke up.  It is morning.  Sophia is sleeping.  7:00AM

Drank a cup of coffee. 7:12AM

Think about calling my mother.  7:19AM

Decide against it.  7:20AM

Think about going to the gym. 7:21AM

Decide against it. 7:22AM

Wondering who will be the final two in American Idol. 7:23AM

Going back to sleep.  7:30AM

I Sang for Sophia

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A Year Ago on Citizen of the Month:

Are there any songs about Sophia?

I’ll write a song about Sophia.

I’ll sing the song I wrote about Sophia.

Lillies of the Valley

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A few days ago, Javacurls left this comment on a post about Sophia:

Oh Neil, I’m so sorry to hear about Sophia. I will keep you both in my prayers.

Sophia: On May 1st, Lily of the Valley flowers are sold on the streets of France & Belgium as part of the May Day celebration.   Friends & family give each other Lily of the Valley flowers as they are believed to bring good luck throughout the year.  So tomorrow I’ll purchase a bunch in your name in hopes that it will bring you lots of luck & hope. Hang in there.

The next day, Javacurls sent Sophia this email:

Hi Sophia,

I hope all the well wishes have brightened your day. Like I promised (per Neil’s comments) here are the Lily of the Valley flowers I’m virtually sending you so they may bring you the good luck that the French & Belgians believe they bring each year.

Take care,
Javacurls

Sophia LOVES flowers.   Sophia’s email back to Javacurls:

Dear Javacurls,
 
This was so fantastic and really cheered me up!  I never see those flowers in the States, and I wasn’t familiar with a flower with this name, but when I was a little girl in Odessa, I remember my mother loving this song about a guy bringing his girlfriend Lily of The Valley flowers, and not red roses or carnations (it’s called LAHN-dishi in Russian) and that the flowers are a greeting from the warm month of May.  So, when I saw your picture, I immediately knew what it was.
 
Thank you so much, and as you can see — I made it into my desktop theme, so I can look at them all the time.
 
Sophia

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Sophia then spent an hour searching for this song on the internet.   Sophia’s email to Javacurls:

Dear Javacurls,
 
See?  …you inspired me, so I went on Google and started searching for Russian Retro songs, and I found that old song my mom loved, when she was young.   I am attaching it for you.   Here’s the mp3.   It must be from the late fifties or early sixties, I think.
 
And just for your wonderful gesture, I translated the entire song (very roughly) for you:

What you brought me today, wasn’t a bouquet of magnificent roses,
Or tulips, or calla lilies.
Very timidly you extended your hand with these very modest flowers,
But they are so charming.
 
They are Lilies of the Valley,
They are Lilies of the Valley,
As if bright May is sending its regards.
They are Lilies of the Valley,
A white bouquet
 
Even though their outfit isn’t extravagant,
Their aroma is so gentle and tender;
They embody the charm of spring,
Like a song without words,
Like a first love,
Like a first confession of feelings
 
They are Lilies of the Valley,
They are Lilies of the Valley,
As if bright May is sending its regards.
They are Lilies of the Valley,
A white bouquet
 
I don’t believe that time dissipates feelings.
I have another opinion:
I believe that every year
Even when many years pass,
Come Spring, You’ll give me:
 
Lilies of the Valley,
Lilies of the Valley,
As if bright May is sending its regards.
They are Lilies of the Valley,
A white bouquet

Ты сегодня мне принёс
Не букет из пышных роз,
Не тюльпаны и не лилии.
Протянул мне робко ты
Очень скромные цветы,
Но они такие милые.

Припев:
Ландыши, ландыши –
Светлого мая привет.
Ландыши, ландыши –
Белый букет.

Пусть неярок их наряд,
Но так нежен аромат;
В них весны очарование.
Словно песенка без слов,
Словно первая любовь,
Словно первое признание.

Я не верю, что года
Гасят чувства иногда.
У меня другое мнение:
Верю, будешь каждый год,
Пусть хоть много лет пройдёт,
Ты дарить мне в дни весенние.

Yours, Sophia

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