Citizen of the Month

the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

Mommy Dearest

Are my current posts so boring that everyone seems to be reading my entries from… 2006? 

First I received that nice email from the Sun-Maid raisin girl about a post from that year.  Today, I received a different type of response to a “humorous” post I wrote in May 2006 titled “Seven Reasons to Abolish Mother’s Day.”

The comment:

You are, by far, the biggest loser that has ever lived. I challange you to a debate on the reason for mothers. Obviously, yours has failed you and you are tainted in your view of mothers. What about father’s day??? How many have bailed out on their pregnant significant others? What about that, you coward? It has not happended to me…I just think you need to view the whole picture. Let’s meet face-to-face, or are you scared?

Valerie

Valerie —

I know EXACTLY who you are!  You are the coward.  If you are so brave, why don’t YOU use your real name?  Would you like me to out you?  OK, I will — Mrs.  Elaine Kramer! 

Nice try, Mom!  Valerie, hah!  You’ll stop at nothing, won’t you?  Don’t you know I can track you with Sitemeter?!

I know I said I would call you back in five minutes today and then forgot all about it.  I’m busy.  Get used to it!  I was on Twitter.  I had no time to talk.  And I know I still haven’t sent you a mother’s day card from… last year.   But seriously, get a life —

You’re the best, Mom.   Happy Mother’s Day on Sunday! 

(uh, the card is in the mail.  I just sent it today, so you probably won’t, uh, get it in time…)

27 Comments

  1. First commenter today? Hell, what’s going on?!!?

    Abolishing Mother’s Day would prevent me from getting cards and gifts this Sunday. Of course, I am secretly hoping that my daughter does not forget about Mother’s Day (two words for her: Mommy’s will.)

    And I re-read your 2006 post, “Seven Reasons to Abolish Mother’s Day,” and I agree with all of them – but only as far as MY mother and YOURS are concerned. Because, of course, I am not that kind of toxic mom.

  2. Does anybody else find it funny that Neil’s mom’s name incorporates two Seinfeld characters’ names?

  3. Sending a card late to my mom means 12 years in the Dog House and unending emotional abuse. As far as I’m concerned, ban all frigging holidays from birthdays right down to Hannukah. Bah.

  4. hahahhahaha

    Neil, you are brilliant.

  5. Yeah, I was noticing the Seinfeld connection as well… started wondering if I was tired, and didn’t get some sort of Seinfeld-related joke.

  6. Elaine would never call you, her only son, a loser.

  7. now that’s comedy. too bad valerie isn’t a real person. you might have had a connection there.

  8. I didn’t read your Mother’s Day post, but I’m all for abolishing it, along with every other Hallmark holiday. Not because they make no sense, but because no one gets me anything anyway. Every year I think, “this year I’ll wake up and there will be breakfast in bed and flowers and presents! And champagne brunch with an orchid corsage!”

    And every year I wake up to the sound of snoring. Maybe at some point during the day Brad will say, “oh yeah, Happy Mother’s Day!”

    Whoopee. Scrap the freaking day, please!

  9. You are so funny! Thanks for the laugh.

  10. I am reading your 2006 posts because you are sending me there. Wait, do you have some kind of super blogger mind power?

    Most likely people are reading your 2006 posts because they are bored with their lives and/or scared sh*tless over food shortages and gasoline prices and want to be reminded of the good old days.

  11. Kapgar: that’s hysterical. Neil, aren’t you inviting all of your mommybloggers to brunch this Sunday?

  12. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Good one.

  13. Thanks for cheering me up! I needed a good laugh.

  14. The weird thing is that the real Valerie left her last name and phone number on the comment, but I deleted it. Why would she do that? Does she really want me to call her?

  15. This post cracked me up.

  16. I’ve been in that position…forgot my mother’s birthday this year.

  17. She is sneaky that mother of yours. But if she is so sneaky…why didn’t she find you on Twitter? Hmmmmmm…makes you think doesn’t it?

  18. It’s not that your posts are boring, it’s that they’re that GOOD, and leave people wanting MORE.

    We must work on your self-esteem. “Valerie” seems to have left it in shambles!

    As for mother’s day, I vote to keep it. Then again, my daughter spoils me rotten. I trained her well.

  19. Fortunately my mother lives in a place with no mail delivery — seriously. Her mail is delivered a couple of towns over. Some woman in her town picks up the mail when she feels like it and delivers it to the neighborhood. Therefore, I am never ever to send anything via snail mail. Life is good.

  20. i stopped sending my mom cards, flowers are a better choice, it’s still not to late to send some to yours.
    i usually don’t read your old stuff, some of my favs that i would read, would be the ones about your dad.

  21. You are a funny guy, Neil Kramer. :-).

  22. This totally makes up for me spending Mother’s Day without my hubby. Thanks for the laugh.

  23. This reminds me slightly of this…www.postcardsfromyomama.com

  24. I was such a good daughter this year…got the card there a day ahead of schedule and everything.

  25. If I don’t call my mom back, she leaves me hate comments. I should have never given her my URL.

  26. Отличная статья. Краткость явно Ваша сестра 😉

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