the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

I Wish I Was a Sexologist


Actual email I received yesterday from a legitmate television producer:


Are you a certified sexologist? I’m doing a show where I need an expert, and you appear to be perfect.


Huh?  The only explanation was that he read this NSFW post that I wrote almost two years ago, when I was still perfecting the craft of blogging.

My email back to the producer:

P —

I’m not “certified” under California or New York law, or anywhere else to be honest, but I enjoy sex, and give unwanted advice all the time on my blog, so in that way, I’m perfect.  My wife wouldn’t say I’m an “expert” either, although I try my best!


Neil Kramer

Unfortunately, he wrote back and said that he could only use an expert with a certified sexologist degree.  Snob!  Like having a sexology degree means anything.   Then again, if I had known that I could have had a television career being a sexologist, I wouldn’t have wasted all that time on my useless English degree!  And unlike the girls in my Columbia “Chaucer and Medieval Lit” seminar, I bet you the babes in Oral Sex 101 actually do put out!


  1. Nate

    I didn’t even know that “sexology” was something you could major in! Holy crap! I wish I’d have majored in sex in college.

  2. Finn

    Where the hell was THAT in the college brochures?

  3. ajooja

    If I could go back and do it all again, that’s exactly what I’d major in … seriously.

  4. ali

    i’m pretty sure i’m going to go back to school now. i must have a sexology degree.

  5. V-Grrrl

    Those weren’t “babes” in your Chaucer and Medieval Lit class, those were potential lusty wenches. If you’d recited some bawdy poetry to them and swilled some ale after class, you could have experienced some bodice ripping. I have to tell you though, the really hot chicks take Shakespeare.

    I took Restoration Drama and studied morality plays. How pathetic is that?

  6. MammaLoves

    It’s never too late for a good education…

  7. will

    Your amateur sexology work is good enough for me.

  8. HeyJoe

    I knew majoring in English would do nothing to improve my sex life. Live and learn.

  9. Incurable Insomniac

    Aw, hell. And here I am paying off a $40k student loan for degrees in music.

  10. sizzle

    we totally do.


  11. natalie

    Um…I’m pretty sure they didn’t offer that as a major at the college I went to. Southern Baptist colleges don’t do sex…at least not where anyone can see!

  12. Tuck

    ..I could only imagine my mom’s expresssion (and her slap to the side of my head) had I told her I was majoring in Sexology. And then during her Canasta game with “the girls”….oh, my son the Sexologist….

  13. Lou P.

    That is too funny! Neil Kramer: amateur sexologist.

  14. psychomom

    I took that class and got a big, huge F.

    School can be sooo hard.

  15. Karl

    Like others, I’m surprised to learn you can GET a degree in sexology. I would have thought it required internship in the porn movie industry or something. Here’s what you do next time a producer asks you if you have a degree in sexology:

    PRODUCER: Say, aren’t you a degree certified sexologist?

    NEIL: Why, yes…yes I am. How may I service you?

  16. Jill - GlossyVeneer

    I would love to see the class titles for that degree!

  17. Pants

    I’m considering changing my major to sexology now. Thanks.

  18. Miss Britt

    I’ve decided it’s finally time for me to go back to school.

  19. witchypoo

    Hey, you can be an ordained minister online, maybe you can get your sexology certs the same way.

  20. Porter

    With a little digging, I found a place where you can get a degree is sexology: Turns out that you probably need to know french (figures). I’m still unsure as to where/how one gets certified.

  21. Jack

    A friend from college became a sexologist. She has some interesting stories.

  22. therapydoc

    You shouldn’t make fun of sexologists. It’s a very boring thing, having to specialize.

  23. Erika

    Wait, you’re not a sexologist?!

  24. gorillabuns

    How many Sexologists discussing the inner dialog of a Penis?

  25. Tuck

    It’s freakin’ sexology mania. OK, maybe he’s another sexologist wannabe just like you know who (ahem).

  26. Theresa B.

    Some of us got our sexology educations from the school of hard knocks. And we don’t need no stinking degree to prove it.

  27. Not Fainthearted

    Back in the day, my college offered a “Human Sexuality Seminar” that was basically an evening sex education class. No transcript credit, frank talk and free condoms.

    I kept trying to convince them that they should give us a “Life-time Sport” credit for it.

    They never bought it. But, I’ll tell you what. I don’t ice skate anymore.

  28. Loralee

    What? Your talking penis isn’t certified?

  29. Miss Syl

    Hm, so going by V-grrl’s entry…

    I studied Chaucer, Medieval Lit, Restoration Drama/morality plays, AND Shakespeare. And, just to throw an extra dash of perversion into the ring, Joyce.

    So does this make me a sexologist by default? Or just a literary slut?

  30. brettdl

    I find it fascinating that my journalism and political science degrees are considered worthless. As are my 25 years of experience as a journalist. I cant’ put down any of my computer knowledge either. Only counts if you are certified.

  31. pocketCT

    I took human sexuality in college. Actually I had to take it twice, since I failed the first time. Funny I know. But it was really that I overestimated my ability to make it to an 8am class and was out 4 times. It was a great class. The first day we filled blackboards with all the words for sex and sex organs we could think of. We filled all four big blackboards… several times. Another class had panels of people to talk to us about different sociological aspects of sex. It was fabulous but there wasn’t any panelist that had a talking penis. That I would’ve really liked to see.

  32. churlita

    maybe you can start your own reality TV show and call it, “So You Think You Can Be a Sexologist”.

  33. teahouseblossom

    Hey! I met Dr. Ruth once. She autographed a copy of “Sex for Dummies” for my then-boyfriend and myself. When we broke up, he kept the copy. I wonder if he still has it on his bookshelf at home, where his two young kids can see it.

  34. Ben

    I think that this is fair. Would they have a somebody on to discuss psychological dilemmas who doesn’t have a degree is psychology, social work, mental health, etc.? People are experts in their field because of the academic credentials they have first and foremost. Funny enough, Dr. Ruth entered sexology without any background or training in sex. She’s famous for her image – not for her sex knowledge.

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