the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

She Knows All

Besides my new part time jobs of running an interview empire and amusing my therapist with my blog posts, I’ve been working with a writing partner on some screenplay ideas to pitch to a producer.    Last night, my writing partner was over at my house, and we were getting hungry. It was around seven o’clock and Sophia said she was going to be at the gym until nine o’clock. 

“Let’s not wait for her.  Let’s go eat.” 

I took him to one of the many fast food Japanese places nearby.

Half into our meal, the woman from behind the counter came over to our table.

“Are you Neil?” she asked.

“Yes.” I said, confused.

“Your wife is on the phone.”

I went to the front counter where the owner gave me the phone.

“Sophia?”  I asked.

“You forgot your phone at home.”

“What?… how did you know I was here?”

“I just figured that this is where you would take him.  I called up and asked to speak to the tall customer with messy hair and glasses.”

“What’s the matter?”

“Nothing.  I’m just leaving early and wanted you to order me some sushi.  I’ll be there in a few minutes”

“You called for that?!  I still don’t get it.  There are hundreds of restaurants I could have gone to.  How did you know I was here?”

Twenty minutes later, Sophia was sitting with us and telling us a story about the time she lived in Israel.   She needed to ask her boyfriend a question.  Unfortunately, he was in the Israeli Army at the time, at some top-secret camp in the desert.  Sophia made a few calls and inquiries.  A few hours later a member of the Israeli Army ran to Sophia’s boyfriend, who was in the middle of doing military exercises.    The soldier was carrying a cranked-up military telephone in the middle of the desert. 

“It’s your girlfriend,” he said.

Attention, U.S. Government — I think we need to put Sophia on the job of finding Bin Laden.


  1. Rattling The Kettle


    My dad has a somewhat similar story, from the ’67 war. Both he and my uncle were up in the Golan, middle of the combat zone, incommunicado. My grandfather, having not heard from them in many days, decided enough is enough, and drove up from Tel Aviv. After a few hours of him stopping at various advance bases, my dad gets a message over the radio in his APC (he was in field communications): “Yossi, where are you? Your dad is looking for you. Your mother is worried.”

  2. Alice

    !!!! that’s incredible. i bet my mom wishes she had had that ability while my sister and i were growing up..

  3. abbersnail

    I love Sophia.

    I used to have the same ability with my ex-boyfriend. He never paid his cell phone bill, but I always managed to track him down within two phone calls.

  4. will

    This is precisely why I never tell anyone where I’m going.

  5. liz elayne

    sophia rocks! i love her.

    (i love you too neil…but sophia is the real star of this blog post…oh and i want some sushi too…i am craving it…might have to have some for dinner)

  6. Not Fainthearted

    Sounds like she knows you pretty well.

    And what of this “amusing my therapist with my blog posts” bit?

  7. Dagny

    And that is why Sophia is the coolest ever.

    When I put my mind to it, I am pretty good at tracking down folks. I just haven’t had much inspiration lately. Of course, if someone was going to buy me some sushi, I might feel so inclined.

  8. ajooja

    I have an uncle who’s like that about alcohol. He could find beer [insert hilarious analogy here].

  9. sizzle

    after meeting sophia, i have no doubt she is exactly the woman for the job. she’s got super powers or something! 🙂

  10. Miss Britt

    Do you realize that your wife described you as Harry Potter?

  11. Shelli

    Holy crap! Did you ask her where he is? I bet she has it somewhere in her brain and just doesn’t realize it yet.

  12. Chag

    That’s spooky. Quick! Ask her what number I’m thinking of.

  13. MammaLoves

    THAT is impressive!!

    Maybe you should listen to her more often?

    Just sayin’.

  14. Whit

    Wow, lucky she likes you.

  15. natalie

    i’m sitting here thinking sophia must be a buff girl. if she is at the gym until 9 o’clock…and you knew this a 7. i would be sure to keep her happy, because it’s obvious you can’t hide from her if you don’t!

  16. lizardek

    Sophia! You aren’t supposed to let the men KNOW! You’re breaking the code!

  17. 180/360

    She must be awfully smart! You were made for each other! 😉

    I pride myself in my spy capabilities.

  18. Los Angelista

    That’s very sweet that she knows you so well. And give her a “You Go Girl!” t-shirt or something for spending all that quality time at the gym!

  19. Inarticulate Fumblings

    Wow… you’d better be on your best behavior. Have you checked your clothing/person for a GPS device?

  20. Jennifer

    I envy Sophia her man tracking abilities. Maybe she should get a job with the US Marshals.

  21. brettdl

    I’m a creature of habit. Anyone could find me, too.

  22. ali

    that might bump invisibility as my number #1 wanted superpower…

  23. V-Grrrl

    Chutzpah! I would have given up when you didn’t answer your cell. She goes the extra mile–for a headstart on fastfood sushi.

    I feel weak in comparison.

    Was she at the gym getting in shape to be a gladiator? Just wonderin. She could kick Hellga’s a**.

  24. TimeCzar

    It would be wise for you to never throw a surprise party for her.

  25. Neil

    V-grrrl — this gym think is pretty recent. She has a long way before she’s battling Hellga (unless she doesn’t fight fair against Hellga, which is always an option)

  26. Otir

    Sophia is a gem. You know it.

  27. red pen mama

    That just cracks me up.

    Give the girl credit: She knows how to get what she wants.


  28. di

    Had to read this aloud to a lounge full of people. Sophia is perfect. Congratulations 😉

  29. better safe than sorry

    oooooooooo, she’s good. i don’t think i’ve read you mention a writing partner before. never mind what your therapist thinks, does he know about your blog?

  30. Karl

    Sophia is just scary, with her supernatural tracking abilities.

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