the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

Why You Shouldn’t Write at 3AM


It’s 3AM when my mind starts to tick, like the Walmart clock by the water glass, and I think of love and dirty dishes.

Should I wake her up, the one who is next to me? Should I call my pal Steve for advice? I’m sure he’s sleeping, like normal people with babies.

I enter my office. Alone, I reach out to thee, oh Internet! Friendly blue light of the monitor, guide my loneliness over the network. Transmit my tears through the connectionless protocols of your inner depths. You are fast, data switcher, like a sleek jaguar, wild and dangerous, and I am vulnerable, caressing the mouse like a woman’s breast, waiting to chat with the invisible!


  1. teebopop

    I’m sensing some angst here.

    Or you just need to get laid. Now.

  2. Bre

    3am is never the right time for those conversations…or any conversations really (barring catastrophe).

    Even though it seems cold, the best thing to do is roll over and fall back into sleep.

  3. alissa

    You shop at Walmart?!?!

  4. Mocha

    I’m thinking you need to get laid, too. More than once.

  5. sarah g

    or cut out the caffeine. 🙂
    hope things get better and that you got some sleep!

  6. Neil

    Mocha — maybe you’re right. I wish I wasn’t so stubborn and went to BlogHer. Imagine — hundreds of women away from their boyfriends and husbands, drunk on margaritas and blogging power. After the conference, I wouldn’t be able to walk. (but I would take a breather just to heckle Jurgen Nation)

  7. Neil

    BrettDL — Nah, I’m not an addictive personality. I’m more of an avoidant one. It’s easier to have a relationship with a woman online than it is to have one in reality. And online, I’m like PERFECT! Handsome, rich, funny, and an amazing lover who offers three or four orgasms a night. No one sees the unshaven person biting the nails, awake at 3AM, hoping someone else online is also up.

  8. Elisabeth

    Hope all is well, Neil – the tone of those last two posts worries me a bit.

  9. Rhea

    How very Edgar Allen Poe of you.

  10. Rhea

    I mean Allan.

  11. Katie

    Maybe try being less Edgar Allan Poe and more David Allan Coe?

    (I only know who he is because I had a roommate in college from Arkansas)

  12. Finn

    Come to Florida darlin’. You’ll be too tired to do anything at 3 am but sleep.

    Bring the Cone…

  13. psychomom

    I thought it was the “blue screen of death”.

    Fatal error

  14. tiff

    Heavens! You don’t know about Fark! That’ll keep you occupied for HOURS, no human interaction necessary.

  15. Nance

    My thoughts exactly, Alissa! Neil, stop shopping at Wal*Mart. Are you that uninformed, really?

  16. churlita

    I think women want the real Neil, more than some supposed perfect guy. Perfect is intimidating and boring. Bring on the nailbiting Neil.

  17. Caron

    A sappy chick flick (or gender equivalent for you) and my sewing machine usually get me through the 3 am angst fits. Where’s your knitting?

  18. Caron

    Chick flicks or BBC 7 streamed on the computer. British accents are somehow calming.

  19. a life uncommon

    Poetic… but wishing you less insomnia.

  20. Ellen B.

    I agree with Caron! Get out your knitting or crochet. Remember? Crazy Aunt Purl and I offered to help you learn. Come to the Stitch ‘n Bitch!!!

  21. communicatrix

    Silly Neil. Everyone knows this is the time you call your friends, Mr. Vodka and Mr. Hand Lotion. Although not necessarily in that order.

  22. kapgar

    And I’m guessing a lot of adult content sites were the order for the evening, right?

  23. Neil

    Kapgar — Would you believe I actually find them boring? I usually get more of a kick playing backgammon.

  24. The Diva's Thoughts

    Been there….done that. Waking up at 3:00am feeling the way you just discribed is the worst. 🙁

  25. Therese

    I would suggest that this is the very reason TO write at 3AM, Neil.

  26. Beaman

    It’s all right for those with a mouse to caress, think of us poor souls with just a touch-pad.

  27. Pearl

    Been there. Counting pixels. More of them than sheep.

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