the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

Let’s Stop Ladies’ Night!


Being passive-aggressive, I don’t get into too many fights. I’m more apt to make sarcastic comments created to irritate the other person.

If a Republican is against affirmative action, I might ask his opinion of George Bush getting into Yale because of his father’s connections.

If an ultra-liberal is spouting off about the American education system, I might inquire why he sends his children to some fancy private school rather than supporting public education.

Artsy types love talking about the latest exhibit at the museum, but rarely about the robber barons that built the museum or the ethnic artifacts stolen from the culture of third world countries.

Last night I met some Angelenos in a hip restaurant. One of them was a pretty, intelligent film editor. We had a nice conversation. After talking about women in Hollywood, she switched subjects. She wanted to remind her friends to meet in some Burbank bar tomorrow, since it was Ladies Night, which meant free drinks! Of course, rather than keeping my mouth shut and possibly getting to see this woman naked, I HAD to bring up the inconsistency of a politically-minded person going to a “ladies night.”

“Isn’t it wrong to participate in some ritual that is clearly condescending to women, as if women cannot afford to pay for their own drinks?”

Later on, I went home alone.   After watching “All My Children,” I spoke to Sophia on the phone. Thankfully, she already knows I’m a nudge.

nudge (for goyim) [From Yiddish nudyen, to pester, bore, from Polish nudzi.]

A Year Ago on Citizen of the Month: Citizen of the Month World Tour


  1. maitresse

    Dear sweet-minded Neilochka, the other reason “Ladies’ Night” is vaguely offensive is because the theory is that if the drinks are free for the girls, they’ll drink much more more, thus making them easier to get into the sack.

    reason number two you should have kept your mouth shut.

    thanks for the etymological explanation of ‘nudge.’ how about tucchus, can you do that one?

  2. kimananda

    But isn’t ladies night just a marketing ploy to get more ladies to go into bars? Because of course, the more ladies there are in an establishment, the more men will follow them in in the hopes of, erm, chatting about feminist issues. Of course, that explanation isn’t very flattering to women either.

  3. V-Grrrl

    Glad you were able to reach Sophia on her phone. You know she could have been enjoying Ladies Night at a NY hotspot.

  4. ElizaF

    Hah, any bar that ran Ladies nights here in the UK would be out of 2 things pretty quickly 1) alcohol and 2) business. Free drinks for the girls indeed! I’m on the next place to LA 🙂

  5. Dave

    What’s an Angeleno?

    That private school situation is spot-on. I’m a parent of a 3-year old and hang with a crowd that considers themselves quite progressive (I’m actually kind of conservative). It’s amazing how many of them send their kids to 15K/year grammar schools!

    Always an enjoyable visit.

  6. JustRun

    I happen to believe ladies’ night is for men, not women. Though I can’t say I mind the cheap drinks.


    I think of Ladies’s Night like the special deal a buisness might cut a really good customer. If having more women at a bar is an incentive to men paying full price, then what’s wrong with offering incentives the women who draw them in? It’s capitalism. I won’t do ladies’ nights.

  8. Karl

    Hard to believe that you weren’t rewarded for your feminist activism. With lots of sex.

  9. Serena

    Ditto Karl’s comment. Your questioning was hott.

  10. deezee

    I think it’s more than fine to point out people’s inconsistencies…as long as we all recognize we have ’em…

    But free drinks for women? now that’s the kind of condescension I can handle!

  11. Dagny

    Thank you, Maitresse, for saying the first thing that popped into my head while reading this post.

    I’ll top you on the private school thing though. What really gets me is the number of public school teachers I know who have their kids enrolled in private schools. Huh? Just doesn’t make sense to me.

  12. Lynn

    No, you are a mensch.[Yiddish, from Middle High German] A person having admirable characteristics, such as fortitude and firmness of purpose.

    It’s the panty fetish that gave you away. And your puppy eyes for Lane Bryant models.

    And the term “ladies night” is really only offensive if it is being announced by some overly-caffinated, booming voice-over radiating from a car radio before 9AM. The idea behind it is open due to age-old societal loop-holes, and can really be interpreted as we interpret the Bible = any way that benefits the person who is participating.

    In my book ladies get free drinks people get laid. Sounds like a wash.

  13. Neil

    Call me a cheapskate, but I would not “get into the sack” with any woman I met at a bar during “ladies’ night” unless she was willing to cut the difference so we both benefited from the discount. If we are going to be sharing the bed together, we should also be sharing the benefits of the drink specials.

    Unfortunately, this “dating” technique has never been very successful with me in the past.

  14. EEK

    I think ladies’ night is just a marketing ploy to get people into a bar on a slow night. There’s a place here in Chicago that offers a dollar off your drink for every inch of the heel of your shoe on Wednesdays.

    I go occasionally with two of my male friends, and we split the tab evenly so that everyone gets a share of the discount.

    The only mildly demeaning aspect is when my friend Eric calls on Wednesday morning to remind me to wear my highest heels so that we can get the best deal possible. I’ve told him that it makes me feel as if he’s my pimp, but he reassured me that if the situation were reversed, he’d do the same for me.

  15. darlin nikki

    As member of the Booze Clues Club, where’s the free drinks? 😉

  16. Neil

    Holy crap — it just shows you that anything you think about has already been thought about and you can find it on Google. From an article THREE YEARS AGO, I just learned that Ladies’ Nights are actually ILLEGAL in Pennsylvania and Hawaii (and soon in the U.K.) because it discriminates against men. 

  17. deannie

    Neil, Neil, Neil. Haven’t you learned yet? Less talk, more action. That is what women want…

  18. Dave G

    I knew a guy in college who hooked up all the time. We were curious to see how he did it. One night a couple of us sidled over to where he was charming some cutie. We only caught one line from him. It was, “My favorite color is blue too!”

  19. ExpatJane

    Hahahaha…ladies night is for the guys. They should just call it “hoping to meet up with a decent looking chick that’s drunk enough to go home with me” night.

    I’d rather just stay at home and pour myself a glass of nice wine or mix myself a drink (those bartending skills come in handy later in life).

  20. tamarika

    See, and I even object to the term, “Ladies.” For when I think of a lady I certainly don’t want to be that! All demure and cute and blah, blah, blah …

    No way. I am a woman – passionate, strong, intelligent – I am no lady. Believe me.

    So I ain’t going to no “ladies night” and not just because I live in Pennsylvania!

  21. Charming, but single

    Seriously, I lose all of my feminist ways when faced with free vodka and cranberry …

  22. Danny

    I applaud your questioning, even if it blew any chance you had with the editor. But who wants to go home with anyone who goes all the way to Burbank for a free drink? Besides, we won’t let you cheat on Sophia no matter how separated you are.

    P.S. Do they have Ladies Nights at conFusion?

  23. Tara

    I’m all for cheap or free drinks, but couldn’t they call it something more fun like Bawdy Dame Night?

  24. Trix

    Who cares about Ladies Night! I want to know what that woman in the picture is doing with her hand!

  25. M.A.

    I like that you’re contrary. Keep it up.

  26. Viscountess of Funk

    Good post. I refuse to participate in anything with the term “womens” in front of it. This rules out about three of four organizations of women lawyers in Washington. Once I received a publication of my favorite law journal – which is paid for with my licensing fees, to publish an edition featuring a scantily-clad but well-known Seattle female attorney. The edition was called “Women in the Law.” Excuse me, but I don’t want to be a “woman” lawyer, just a lawyer is fine.

    More to the point, why does that woman on the coaster look as if she’s sitting on the toilet and wiping herself?

  27. Melissa

    Ladies Night is an institution. You drink as much as you can handle, get all the phone numbers you like and leave with the girls you came in with.

    And, sugar, cheap is so unattractive.

  28. CrankMama

    I think ladies night is a *wonderful* thing, as are high heels and men who open doors. I guess that makes ME a nudge.

  29. tiff

    I want to go to ANY bar where the “martini glass vault” is part of the action.

    Also, I think “cougar night” is a pretty term, don’t you? I know I could sure use one from time to time.

  30. paperback writer

    Should I be scared that I already knew what a nudge was?

  31. Scarlet

    Ladies nights should be about learning how to cook and clean, right?

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