Citizen of the Month

the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

Tag: male bloggers

I Have a Dick, Just Like the Writers of Techcrunch

My head was spinning from all the posts, and twitters, and comments over the weekend about the BlogHer article  in the Style section of the New York Times.  Most of the discussions were similar:

“Why do male bloggers get into the Business and Technology section while women bloggers are relegated to the Style page?”

There were numerous mentions of the patriarchial society, about how men are taken seriously and how women are belittled as mere mommybloggers.  Some women said that they were proud of their “girl” interests — it enabled them to start online businesses and to be courted by companies.  But — these women naturally wanted to be taken as seriously as the male bloggers who get into the Wall Street Journal.

I agree.  I’m all for an equal playing field.   Yea, women!   Is there any blogger out there who loves women more than me?  But many of the comments that I read — particularly by women — made me depressed.

First of all, I live in this patriarchal society, just like everyone else.  I have to deal with the stereotypes — the fact that technology, business, and politics are considered serious and manly pursuits.  How many self-deprecating jokes did I have to make on Twitter this weekend to hide the fact that I loved “Mamma Mia?”  While mommybloggers set up successful online networks, I have to explain to my male friends what I do as a blogger.  If I didn’t make up some practical reason — “hey, maybe I’ll get laid by one of the hot ones” — they would think I am wasting my time.

“How much money do you make on your blog” asked a friend recently.

“Uh, nothing.”

Weird looks of disdain.   I can’t even say I got even a free wii, like so many of you.

The patriarchal society affects me.

My readership is 90% women.  Why?  Because most men don’t give a crap about what my mother made for dinner last night.  Men read and write blogs about technology and business and politics.  These are the worthy pursuits for men.   To most men — there are the professionals and there are the hobbyists.  This is a clearcut hieararchy as tightly controlled as who gets into Guy Kawasaki’s private party at BlogHer.

What I found surprising this weekend was that so many women seem to think the same way.

Every time I saw a female blogger write the expression “male blogger” this weekend, it was a code name for “tech” or “political” bloggers like Techcrunch or Daily Kos.  It was as if these female bloggers had the exact same viewpoint about male blogging as the New York Times.  While “Female Blogging” represented a wide range of views, from writing about shoes, knitting, to talking politics, “male blogging” was still dressed in a suit and tie.   I read the term “male bloggers” countless times, not once described in a way that includes me.

Come on ladies, I know you are trying to win some power for yourself, but don’t use rhetoric that diminishes me.  Don’t say “male bloggers” when you really mean male tech bloggers or male business bloggers.

I am a male blogger.

Give men the freedom to expand their horizons in the same way you want for yourselves.

Sex and the Male Blogger

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Recently, I’ve been receiving many emails that go something like this:

"I’m a female blogger that loves your blog, "Citizen of the Month."  At night, I fantasize about you making love to me and you always bring me to an intense orgasm.  How do you do it?"

Male bloggers are known to be excellent imaginary lovers.  In fact, I’m currently working on an article for Cosmo magazine titled "Sex and the Male Blogger."

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From the article:

Citizen of the Month:  "Hello, men."

Male Bloggers:  "Hello, Neilochka dude!"

Citizen of the Month:  "Male bloggers have a well-deserved reputation for their excellent oral sex techniques online.   Can you tell Cosmo readers what you do to give women such amazing orgasms in the imaginary world of the blogosphere?"

Pauly D:  "Well, Neilochka, you’re clearly the expert here.  Why don’t you tell us?"

THIS BLOG HAS BEEN INTERRUPTED BY SOPHIA:

Sophia says:  I’m sorry, regular readers of this blog.  As Neil’s editor, I must wrestle editorial control away from Neil and hijack this post.  For the sake of Neil’s future literary career, the remainder must be censored. Not because of any sexual content.  In fact, the sex jokes are pretty lame, and I’m sure most women are rolling their eyes at the idea of him being any "sex expert."  Believe me, I know the truth first hand.  No, the biggest problem with this post is that it is incredibly stupid.  You see, Neil is a little sexually frustrated, if you haven’t figured that out already.  It’s gotten to the point where I might even take pity on him, just so he can start writing some decent posts again.  Remember back in September when he actually wrote something meaningful?  Anyway, I apologize for the interruption, but clearly you see how necessary it is.

BACK TO THE REGULAR POST:

Neil:  "…so that’s how I do it.  With some patience and practice, all of you male bloggers can be as amazing as I am in the sack.  So, let’s go, men, let’s bring those women to multiple orgasms!"

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Today on Blogebrity:  The Amazing Tale of Ashbloem and Bono

A Few Good Men

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I’ve created my own Frankenstein monster here.   Because I’ve spent so much time flirting with female bloggers, my male readers are abandoning me faster than the Israelites left Egypt.  At 9PM tonight, my last post, which was addressed mostly to my female readers, had 49 comments.  I love getting comments, and I appreciate it.  But that was 42 comments from women and only 7 comments from my own gender.

This had got to stop. 

We all know the type.  He comes to the bar with a buddy.  Then he meets a cute bunch of girls.  They want to go out with him — just him.  So, he goes to his friend and says:

"You don’t mind going home by yourself, do you?  I think I just might get lucky!"

I hate those guys.  And I am turning into him.

This is as old a problem as Adam and Eve.  Women are beautiful, seductive, and smell good.  But who is really there for you when a woman drops you like a hot potato so she can screw around with that Beverly Hills attorney she met in her yoga class? 

It’s your male friends.  Your male buddies. 

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I love you guys.  I love my male readers.   I love blogs written by males.   Sure, I don’t visit you as often as the women.   That’s because I know you will always be there for me.  You won’t ever take me off your blogroll because I made a joke about "your tits" in an email!  You have a healthy sense of humor.

My female readers are overly demanding and high maintenance.  They always want posts that are "funny."  If they don’t like your post one day, off they go to another male blogger like Brando or Pauly D.

Female commenters require a lot of work on my part.   I don’t just read your comments.  I also visualize you naked.  Sometimes, the two of us are in compromising positions based on the Kama Sutra book that I bought, but never used. 

Now imagine having to do this 42 times a day!  That’s 42 voracious female bloggers I have to satisfy every day, even if it is just in my mind!

By the end of the day, my eyes are blurry from looking at the monitor all day — and I can hardly walk.  God help me if this blog ever gets really popular and I have to work my way through 100 female comments. 

I can just imagine it:  "Tonight on Eyewitness News — LA Blogger Dies in Chair After Reading too Many Comments from Attractive Women Bloggers."

No, the madness must stop now.

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In order to wean myself off of my addiction to women bloggers, I must go cold turkey.

So — from now through Saturday Night, I will not read ANY BLOG written by a  female blogger.  This will give me time to bond with my fellow male bloggers. 

I will read only blogs written by MEN.  I will learn more about their manly dreams and aspirations.  I will learn what makes other men tick.  I will comment about things such as work, sports, politics, women, fatherhood, and other things that MEN are interested in. 

I will IGNORE all comments written by WOMEN.  I will answer only those comments written by MEN.

I love you guy bloggers, all of you.  Really.  Come on, let’s all have a manly group hug.  Let’s yell MANLY things together!  Let’s show the women that "personal" blogging isn’t just for women and wimpy "artistes."  Blogging is as MANLY as football and NASCAR!

I’m sorry, women.  I know I am disappointing you. 

But it’s NOT YOU.  It’s ME. 

Thank you for all your wonderful comments today.  I can honestly say I fantasized about having sex with each and every one of you today — sometimes more than once.  You were all amazing.  And I think I gave you a pretty good time as well.   

But now, you are DEAD TO ME.

At least until Sunday, when I’ll come back to your blogs.  I’m not worried too much about you still being upset at me.   I know women are suckers for us men:

You always take the guy back. 

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