Citizen of the Month

the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

Tag: Entertainment

Mel Gibson Requests Meeting with Neilochka!

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In a move that has taken Hollywood by surprise, Mel Gibson has requested a meeting with a Los Angeles-based blogger, Neil Kramer, the writer of the popular blog, “Citizen of the Month.”

In a public statement, Mr. Gibson stated:

“I am not a bigot. Hatred of any kind goes against my faith. I’m not just asking for forgiveness. I would like to take it one step further, and meet with leaders in the Jewish community, with whom I can have a one on one discussion to discern the appropriate path for healing.”

As a leader in the Jewish blogger community, Neilochka was at first stunned by this request.

“I’m not exactly sure what to say to him. I mean if he’s not a bigot, what’s really the point of meeting with Jews like me? I guess we can always talk about how much I liked “Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior””

Neilochka’s big concern was that if they meet at a restaurant, which of the two of them was actually going to pick up the tab.

“I already have a reputation on my blog for being a bit of a cheapskate, even using half-price coupons at ‘Chicago for Ribs’ with Sophia . I certainly don’t want him to think of this as a ‘Jewish’ thing.”

This would not be the first time Neilochka had some interaction with the famed movie star.

“When I was at USC Film School, I used to do script analysis over at Icon Productions, his film company. I once passed Mr. Gibson in the hall at the movie studio, but we never had an opportunity to talk or trade ethnic slurs.”

Neilochka suggested that the two former co-workers meet at Canter’s Jewish Deli in Los Angeles for their historic meeting.

“I think once he tastes their excellent corned beef sandwich, Mel’s whole attitude towards Jews will change for the better.”

After Mel Gibson’s anti-Semitic rants were recently made public, Neilochka was adamant that Hollywood should blacklist the actor because he’s an anti-Semite and a plain nasty person. However, on hearing about the upcoming meeting with Mr. Gibson, Neilochka’s resolve seemed to waver.

“I still find Mel Gibson a disgusting person. But just in case we hit it off, I’m bringing a copy of an old script to show him. It’s a buddy action/road movie about this gruff New York cop and this crazy rabbi who’s running from the mob. I call it… “Lethal Shlepin’.”

Mel Gibson Arrested for DUI

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INT.  LOST HILLS SHERIFF’S STATION – LOS ANGELES – NIGHT

Mel Gibson, still drunk off his ass, is sitting in his cell, mumbling to himself about the f**king Jews.  Suddenly Danny Glover comes bursting in through the door.

Mel:  “Danny, what the f**k?”

Danny:  “Partners forever, my Lethal Weapon friend.  Let’s get out of here.  I rigged the place.  It’s gonna blow.”

Mel and Danny jump out the window and the entire jail explodes. 

Mel:  “Thanks, Danny.”

Danny:  “We have to get out of here… and fast.  The Sheriff’s Department can’t cover-up your anti-Semitic rants forever.”

Mel:    “F**k those Jew-loving cops.  I would OWN Malibu if that Yenta Barbra Streisand didn’t already own it.  Let’s go over to Nobu in Malibu for some sake and sushi.”

Danny:  “Maybe we should hide out in my place until things calm down.”

Mel:  Yeah, we can pick up some ebony hookers.  Sugar tits, here comes the Passion of the Dick!”

Danny shakes his head sadly.

Danny:  “I’m getting too old for this shit!”

Mel:  No, you’re not, Danny.  You’re one motherf***ing good black dude!  As long as you’re not a fag.  You’re not one of those that take it up the arse, are you?”

Danny:  Why do I always have to be the responsible, by-the-book buddy and you always the crazy loose cannon?

Mel:  “It’s those f**king Jew screenwriters!”

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from police report

The story on TMZ.com.

Update:  Mel apologizes.  The “I was drunk” excuse.  Jeez, funny, but when I get drunk, which is very very rare, I sing dirty songs, but I never blurt out ethnic slurs!

Blogs Across America

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Pat Benatar at “Hands Across America”

Since the last election, our country seems to be split, our citizens at odds with one another. Blue States vs. Red States. Blacks vs. Whites. Liberals vs. Conservatives.

Have we forgotten that we are one country: The United States of America, from sea to shining sea? Was it only twenty years ago that we all stood hand-in-hand, brother and brother, across this great land for a honorable cause?

“On the afternoon of Sunday, May 25, 1986, more than five million people joined hands to form a line that stretched 4,152 miles – from New York City’s Battery Park to a pier in Long Beach, California. This nationwide event, called Hands Across America, was intended to raise money to fight hunger and homelessness.”

Brooke Shields stood as anchor at the George Washington Bridge in New York. Ronald Reagan held hands at the White House. Bill Clinton was in Arkansas. Millions were raised. An awful song was written. For fifteen minutes, we were all one people.

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But there is a dirty little secret about this event, something that has been festering for twenty years:

The “unbroken chain” never really worked.

“There were many breaks in the chain. In order to allow the maximum number of people to participate, the path linked major cities and meandered back and forth within the cities.”

In some places, like in the Arizona desert, there were long stretches of emptiness.

For many of us, this failure has haunted us for two decades. Some say this was a new generation’s Vietnam — a societal disappointment that has prevented many of us from becoming self-actualized individuals.

But can we fix the mistakes of the past? Can our country become whole again? Can WE become whole again?

I say YES. In the last twenty years, modern technology has brought us high speed internet and blogging. We can finish the job left undone.

The following is the original route used in Hands Across America for connecting the two coasts:

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To reproduce and finally complete this historic event twenty years later, we will need AT LEAST one blogger in the following states to be a part of an unbroken blogger chain across America:

WE DID IT!

New York (Yes!)

New Jersey (Yes!)

Pennsylvania (Yes!)

Maryland (Yes!)

Washington D.C. (Yes!)

Ohio (Yes!)

Indiana (Yes!)

Illinois (Yes!)

Missouri (Yes!)

Tennessee (Yes!)

Arkansas (Yes!)

Texas (Yes!)

New Mexico (Yes!)

Arizona (Yes!)

California (Yes!)

Can we do it? I think we can!

The theme song:

Blogs Across America.

Blogs across this land I love.

Divided we fall.

United we stand.

Blogs across America.

A Year Ago on Citizen of the Month: What is a Neilochka?

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