Citizen of the Month

the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

Ten Things Not to Say to Your Child-Free Blogging Friends

1.    Sure it is sad that your mother was just run over by a 25 ton truck, but always remember that there will never be anything as tragic in this world as a mother losing her baby.

2.    You’re so lucky that you don’t have to monetize your blog because you don’t have any family responsibilities.

3.    Believe me, those free, all-expense paid trips to Disney World are more work than fun.

4.    Of course you’re not selfish.  You have a cat.  At least you care about something other than yourself.

5.    I just don’t think your comment is appropriate on this post because there is no way you can ever have any insights into the mind of a child without any experience with children.

6.    I write my blog for my kids.  Who’s going to read your blog after you die?

7.    Don’t you think starting a twitter list of non-parents is being exclusionary?

8.    I would feel like a huge failure without my children.  I am in awe of your strength under these overwhelming odds against you ever finding any sort of happiness.

9.    Just so you know, drinking acai juice is known to increase your sperm count.

10.   This is not really your community of peers.   It’s like me trying to be a Jewish blogger.

47 Comments

  1. oh sure. take all the joy from my life.

    what am i SUPPOSED to say to you now, then?!? hello!!?!?

  2. I don’t even have a cat anymore! I’m screwed.

  3. It’s just like me being a dating blogger who has sworn off men! I better go ahead and get pregnant so I’ll have something to write about…but lack of a man does complicate that…though not nearly as much as it used to.

  4. If those were said, how many were from dads and how many were from moms?

    What happens when a woman drinks acai juice?

  5. Yes, but because you’re child-free you don’t have to worry about your kids reading your blog. I impose a constipating parental filter on my posts. My quirk, I know others don’t struggle with that feeling. No more acai juice for my husband.

  6. Oh, #5! I love #5. Someone actually said something like that to me once. My response? “Well, of course I understand children. Aren’t you always telling me to grow up? It’s parental thinking I just don’t get.”

  7. They know the real me, but sometimes I let it rip with friends or other adults (undocumented for the annals of the internet) and the content isn’t age-appropriate for my kids. I flex creative adult muscles in my fiction — my kids can read that material when they’re old enough. It’s like the rating system for movies. You get it, don’t you?

  8. But how is your love life? Tick tock, old boy.

  9. There’s the real you and the REAL you that your kids don’t need to know about ever or until they’re 60 years of age. Honestly you don’t need to read graphic details of your mom blowing your dad. (god I wish I was making this shit up.) I don’t want to imagine my parents having sex and they’ve been married 43 years, why in the hell would I want to read about it?!

    Some people never learn the difference between the inside your head voice and the one you say out loud or rather, type.

  10. I’m on your Shiksa list, right?

  11. See, it was “child-free” that marked you. Really you meant “pathetically without the glorious wonder of parenting.” “Singularly unable to appreciate the ambidetrousosity (!) of changing a poop-filled diaper while stirring up a pot ‘o’ beans for the family.” “Crippled because childless…” Bah humbug, etc.

  12. 11. Do you want to babysit?

  13. Thank you. This is very helpful.

  14. Love this. You can quote from it on our child free bloggers panel at BlogHer next year. : )

  15. I could add, but I won’t. Love the list.

  16. Wait! #9 is totally appropriate. Otherwise you might try blueberry juice and that just won’t work at all.

  17. I’ll keep this in mind when I go to the big auntblogger conference next spring.

  18. who got an all expense paid trip to disney!?!? damn, i missed that boat.

  19. I would think your blog would be more successful considering you have so much time to devote to it.

  20. My kids will never read my blog because I’m not going to teach them how to read.

  21. Love the list– #5 in particular. I don’t know why it is that child-full ppl always think that they know better than us child-free ppl. Honestly, can’t we all just get along?

  22. good–it needed stealing. 😉

  23. I keep screwing up that Jewish blogger thing. Is this where I ask which network you run.

  24. These people are why I don’t tell anyone that I have a child. Of course that could be why I’m never invited to Disney World.

  25. I’d rather give up the internet than only read blogs of parents. PERIOD.

  26. My kids will read your blog after you die. There, now you have one less thing to worry about.

  27. I have three cats. I’m a giver. (Or a cat lady.)

    This list was great.

  28. i actually got #7 a few times…

  29. this is hilarious, which is surprising since you don’t have any funny kid stories to pull from!

  30. Comments following the list are just as entertaining. Love it

  31. I love #4 the best. I am 44. I am single. I am childless. All things in my life apparently has happened for a reason. It’s not like I did not want children when I was younger. I did. But now at 44, it just hasn’t happened. And I’m okay with that. I also do not own a cat. Or a dog. Or a monkey. Or a bird. Fish. Snake. Or any kind of pet. By choice. My choice. And life goes on.

  32. DAMMNIT I’m trying to come up with one and I can’t!!!

    How about ‘well, it’s good you don’t have to worry about the future because you’re not leaving anyone behind.”

    Is it bad to put this here since I really have a kid already? This list is just so hilarious. It reminds of that ‘First World Problems’ meme.

    Oh, and it’s not a Jewish Blogger Community. It’s a Jewish Blogger Cabal. Get it straight lady/man/whatever.

  33. I hope NO ONE is reading my blog after I die. I don’t trust my heirs (the cats) to spend the Google Adsense account money wisely.

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