Citizen of the Month

the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

View Single Women in Redondo Beach

Lately, when I open my Yahoo Mail, I get this advertisement. I know personalized online advertisements have been around for awhile, but what makes Yahoo! think I am looking for a woman in Redondo Beach. Have I mentioned this to any of you in my emails? Does Yahoo! know more about me than I know myself?

Another issue. Why does Yahoo! restrict me to women in Redondo Beach? Why not Hermosa Beach, which is only a few blocks away? Or what about Los Angeles proper? Does Match.com and Yahoo! think I am so lazy that I will only talk with women who live in a three mile radius from my home in tiny Redondo Beach? I DO have a car. Has Match.com become a site for singles without cars? I’m not sure I want to date a woman without a car. Before you know it, I’ll be taking this car-less woman to the grocery store and the airport, and Sophia will be pissed that I am being “used.”

These women (personally picked for me) are also too young for me. Obviously Match.com on Yahoo! is run by a man, who assumes that every man fantasizes about a fresh-faced twenty-something, still unaware of the bitter world outside of the college dorm. OK, maybe they DO know something. I never got to sleep with a twenty-three year old the first time around! Maybe I’m just a late bloomer! I needed an extra decade or so to become socialized and learn about the existence of that “clitoris” thing.

But I think I’m still hip enough to date a twenty-something. I read MamaPop. I know the current scene. In fact, I was just wondering when the new Michael Jackson album is coming out.

Next on my mind — who are these single women living in Redondo Beach? And why have I never run into one of them at the beach or supermarket?

livelife3728 looks a little sleazy, like she would give you a BJ on the first date, even if you insisted that you didn’t want one. That scares me. I know it is wrong to stereotype from one photo, but that’s life. You get that one shot to date me, and then it is over. It’s called Branding. And livelife3728 needs to get a new stylist; her hair looks greasy.

iceblue0925 is even more terrifying. Her face says: stalker. I don’t mean a person who uses the name of a grade school classmate as a ATM card password. I mean a person who leaves a dead cat in your mailbox if you don’t return her calls.

I would cross sunny9790 off the list because of her ugly hat. Ladies… men like to see your hair AND your eyes. Wearing a hat that covers both in a photo on a dating site is a major FAIL. It makes us wonder if you are hiding something. Like a Phantom of the Opera face. And apparently you have to join up and pay match.com on Yahoo! if you want to see a full photo of each woman, with the cleavage, which is the REAL deciding factor for most men.

My favorite of the single women of Redondo Beach is probably virgodoc96. I like brunettes.

1) (virgodoc96) Virgos and Pisces work well together.

2) (virgodoc96) She is apparently a doctor, so I know she can at least afford her own car.

3) (virgodoc96) She was born in 1996, which makes her… hmmm… jeez, she can be my daughter!

OK, now let’s be real here. I suspect that none of these girls live in Redondo Beach, and are merely a part of a collection of stock photos. If I lived in Toledo, Ohio, and went onto my Yahoo Mail, I would get a similar advertisment that read “View Single Women in Toledo” with the exact same headshots, right?

Then again, am I wrong, or does allaboutpink21 have a very specific look in her eyes that says, ” I want you, Neilochka! Right now!”

23 Comments

  1. Well damn, all I get are the “Single Mom in ______ lost xx pounds! You can too!” crap.

  2. Be careful. Pisces and Virgo are *not* a good match.

  3. Whoa. I’m scared too. Prolly not for the same reasons, but scared nonetheless.

  4. I feel like I should send you the photo I have on my jdate profile for an evaluation (even though I haven’t really used it in awhile).

  5. It’s hard enough to pick a decent Chardonnay…

  6. Funny, Virgo Doc 96 is the one who I think looks most like Sophia out of the bunch.
    Is someone who was born in 1996 old enough to be a Doctor? Maybe she graduated high school in ’96?

    Sadly, I think they are stock photos.

  7. Horrifying. But if I had to pick, I’d choose KatAlexander because she reminds me of Idina Menzel (could I sound more gay?). I can see you being friends with HeatherS1620, that’s how I imagine most of your readers. But don’t start dating 23-year-olds, for God’s sake!

  8. I am pretty sure if they have a number after their “handle” they are NOT who they claim to be. Except for my one Twitter friend Honeybunny1981 I am pretty sure she is the same real person who comments on my blog…she emailed me to tell me so.

    And with that I will shut the fuck up.

    Nice new bloggy outfit Neil!

  9. Funniest thing I have read all day. And I agree about iceblue; I am going to have nightmares about her.

    New blog design is fantastic–I get giddy changing mine, too.

  10. This is NOMB, but a decade (or so) after 23 makes you…?

    Reminds me of a movie…

  11. Funny post Neil and interesting to me as my husband and I found each other online. As a brunette Virgo who’s old enough to be the mother of any of those women, I have to say that sometimes the age difference can make a good match. With an 18 year age difference between us, my husband actually is old enough to be my father (just barely) and it works beautifully. Our meeting online was actually accidental in a way as he fell outside my desired age range by almost 10 years. Younger can be a good thing … not that you’re looking … of course.

  12. –>As a fellow pisces, I believe we do best with scorpios and the backup is taurus.

    I think allaboutpink21 is saying, look at my back tattoo I got … in prison … for prostitution.

    ~deb

  13. What about the guys in Redondo beach? Cause I get the girlie ads too. I like women, but I don’t want to date one.

    @websavvymom > yay! for Scorpoios. Pisces need us because every time they make a decision FOR something, they are aware they are also choosing not for so many other things, and who wants to give up all those opportunities.
    Scorpios on the other hand are risk takers and after much research and rumination make a decicion and go.
    It’s all about the balance.

  14. Hmmm..I’m a Virgo and I always heard Virgos and Piscese do not get along!

    But I think Virgo96 is kind of cute. Maybe 1996 is the year she retired?

  15. That’s funny, all those same women showed up as being available in Jamesville, NY.
    Do you suppose they migrate as a herd, flock or pod????

  16. I’m in Sacramento and I get the same women, same ad. It’s stock.

  17. im looking to here from virgodoc96

  18. I’m on the East coast and I see an ad with “katAlexander” in my Yahoo email several times a week. I’m guessing the women in these ads are fake 🙂

  19. I get the exact same ad in my e-mail but it says that these same women are from Fitchburg, MA. These ads might be relevant to me if I : 1) Wasn’t married with 3 children, 2) Liked desperate women. Come on, if you’re really that attractive/inteligent/desireable/etc. you shouldn’t need to use an online dating service. Match.com needs to be more careful where they ply their wares, though. From what I understand this is a complete bait-and-switch deal which here in MA gets the “injured” party triple damages…..so does that mean if I express interest in say KatAlexadra and they try to set me up with HelgaSlav55, do I get set up with 3 more actual hot chicks? Oh, and Wench, your not alone in getting the wrong gender offered to you, I get the guy ads every other day.

  20. thats too funny Virgodoc96 came up on my yahoo page advertising match.com but says she close to me. I LIVE IN ATLANTA GA…

  21. I get the same ones here in – and the guys version too. Must admit Virgodoc caught my eye…not because of the name either…she just has something about her just by her photo….hmmm….getting ready to split from the bitch for a wife I’ve had for over 8 years….just looking for someone I really want to wake up with…

  22. dude,

    You are clueless. Yes, Yahoo knows more about you then you. These girls images are being ripped off. They same ad shows up here in NY with the header women in NY. Wake up man…..

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