the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

Find Your Red Dress, Uh… Wait a Minute

via Jenny, the very sexy Bloggess:

I want, just once, to wear a bright red, strapless ball gown with no apologies. I want to be shocking, and vivid and wear a dress as intensely amazing as the person I so want to be. And the more I thought about it the more I realized how often we deny ourselves that red dress and all the other capricious, ridiculous, overindulgent and silly things that we desperately want but never let ourselves have because they are simply “not sensible”. Things like flying lessons, and ballet shoes, and breaking into spontaneous song, and building a train set, and crawling onto the roof just to see the stars better. Things like cartwheels and learning how to box and painting encouraging words on your body to remind yourself that you’re worth it.

And I am worth it.

Jenny, you inspire me!

Get that novel out of your sock drawer and publish it yourself. Stand on a bus stop bench and belt out a song for the waiting strangers. Find a playground swing and remember how it felt to fly. Find your red dress. And wear the hell out of it.

Editor’s note:

After Sophia took the photo:

Neil: “My mother is gonna love this post!”

Sophia: “So will your future employer!”


  1. Haley-O (Cheaty)

    Now THAT’S HOT!

  2. meredith

    SO EXCELLENT! you, my friend, are in fact wearing the hell out of that red dress.

  3. Marinka

    I can hear your mother screaming from here.

  4. Backpacking Dad

    For two seconds I thought the novel was coming out.

  5. Becky Mochaface

    Totally rocks my socks!

  6. Liz Hill



  7. Holly {ArtistMotherTeacher}

    That is one hell of a pose you are striking.

  8. Emma

    Love it. You go, girl!!

  9. Dawn

    This made me laugh until I cried. Work it, Neil.

  10. heather


  11. heather

    a w e s o m e 🙂

  12. magpie

    Neil, you get a prize.

  13. Jessica McFadden

    You have made my day. Even as I cry that you have better legs than me.

  14. Lynnster

    Oh my. Red looks good on you, Neil. 🙂

  15. Melissa Chapman

    Thank you – you know- for taking one for the team- that’s some figure ya got there!

  16. Jane

    Finally, you’re breaking free of your inhibitions. So the question is — what’s under the dress, Neil? 😉

  17. daysgoby

    Wow. What a red dress!

  18. Bon

    it’s a good look for you Neil…lovely cut. shows off your decolletage beautifully. 😉

    and in all seriousness, i like the attitude. yours and Jenny’s.

  19. Jenny, Bloggess

    I may have a better rack but you have better legs.

  20. Neil

    Thanks for the compliments. You know how to make a man in a dress feel good.

    I told sophia that I think her dress looks pretty good on me, and she said, “Now I’m worried.”

  21. amanda

    See, I totally would have gone with a floor length sheath for you.
    Way to rock it!

  22. Maria

    This is the best thing I’ve ever seen.

  23. Overflowing Brain

    Neil, this is hysterical. Well played, sir.

  24. Holy crap.
    You take it to new levels!

  25. ozma

    Lookin’ good!

  26. Sue @ Laundry for Six

    There’s no end to Jenny’s inspiration.

  27. A Vapid Blonde

    Brightened my day…I think your legs are hairier than mine!

    Thank you.

  28. Amy Kramer

    I laughed out loud. Red is absolutely your color!

  29. ThePeachy1

    DO NOT FORGET – wear the HELL out of it !

  30. Apryl's Antics

    I think you are exactly who Chris Deburgh was talking about. Well, except for the lady part.

  31. MsDarkstar

    This is probably not what The Bloggess had in mind when she said you should “find your red dress” but I love the way that it completely captures the spirit.

  32. MommaKiss

    RED is so your color.

  33. Major Bedhead

    Lookin’ good, Neil. But I want to know what shoes you were wearing.

  34. neil

    Apryl – Love that Chris Deburgh song. I bet we are the only ones who know that his name is Chris Deburgh.

  35. schmutzie

    Didn’t I mention that I wanted to see you in a dress on Twitter once? I got my wish!

  36. Daddy Scratches

    Dude, you win. Well done.

  37. neil

    Schmutzie — here’s to he/she!

  38. Jenni Williams

    freaking awesome!!!

  39. Alex@LateEnough

    Your legs are hairier than mine. That makes me happy.

  40. Deb Rox

    Fabulous. Every bit of it.

  41. Bootsy LaFontane

    you look good. real good.

  42. Lesley @Avalea

    Now that’s just precious!

  43. Finn

    You go, girl. You go.

  44. Lauren

    You look more confident than ever Neil. Transvestite blogging could be the future for you.

  45. CP

    *UNSEE!!!* *UNSEE!!!*

    WHERE is the UNSEE button???


  46. OHmommy

    Brava Neil. Brava!!!!!!

  47. Heather

    And now, I want to hug you MORE!

    Adore!! Bravo!! Wear the hell outta that red dress, honey!

  48. Brittany

    GAH. You have such better legs than me.

  49. Lojo

    I absolutely love your willingness to “put it out there”. I’m glad the view is not from the bottom of the stairs…unless you shaved for the photo op.

  50. Julie the Wife

    Oh Fabulous Neil, will you go shoe shopping with me? I will split a tiramisu with you…I think we would have one helluva day.

  51. Boston Mamas

    You have outdone yourself… that rocks! -Christine

  52. V-Grrrl @ Compost Studios

    Wow, Neil, you’re really expanding the reach of your brand with the red dress. I think you’re going to have lots of new commenters now.

    I also think you’ve just earned a spot on Awkward Family Photos dotcom.

  53. Neil

    Vgrrrl – it’s all about “branding.”

  54. Susannah



  55. Kim

    Oh my ! PRICELESS!

  56. tony


  57. followthatdog

    And this is why I adore you, Neil. Thanks!

  58. flutter

    I think I just had a total lapse in bladder control

  59. maggie, dammit


  60. Twenty Four At Heart

    Omigod. Whenever I think there’s nothing left you can do to surprise me ….

  61. V-Grrrl @ Compost Studios

    Neil! I have Lane Bryant on the line, they want to know if you’re available for endorsements.

  62. Melanie @ Mel, A Dramatic Mommy

    Oh man, I love this! Thanks Neil!

  63. Redneck Mommy

    I think you have nicer legs than I do. Asshole.

    And you look very nice in red. Snicker.

    Thanks for the chuckles. I needed them.

  64. KrisSimmons

    More leg, please. MORE LEG!

  65. Amy @ The Bitchin' Wives Club

    Please tell me you are bringing that dress to BlogHer. Rawr.

  66. GrandeMocha

    You rock! I was going to wear red then found out the top needs a different bra. Girl stuff, you know.

  67. Juli Ryan

    Oh, Neil.

    I feel like Alex when she rescues Jeanie from the strip club in “Flashdance”.

    It was just a metaphor, honey.

  68. SciFi Dad

    In the words of /b/


  69. Tony hunt

    Now…that sir is true dedication.

    You actually should get man points for rockin’ that dress for everyone. 😉


  70. Kim @ Beautiful Wreck

    You would look good in drag. However you would definitely need some help from some drag mothers and the hair would have to go and I ain’t talking whats on your head!

  71. Cheryl

    And with that, I can go to bed w/ a BIG smile on my face.

  72. Lotus / Sarcastic Mom

    That’s hot, Neil. Let’s go shoe shopping together.

  73. headbang8


    You are the least convincing drag queen on the planet. And I’ve seen some shockers.


  74. Stacey

    I have worn a red dress, but never with as much confidence. You make me smile, Neil. Also, red looks really good on you.

  75. Elizabeth

    Awesome. Could you bring that dress to BlogHer? Jenny’s bringing hers, but I’m only five feet tall. Yours would be ankle length on me! Please, Sophia?

  76. mommymae

    you look pretty hot in that dress, neil!

  77. leah

    very brave of you, you’re totally not the same guy you were a year ago. progress. you look great in the dress by the way.

  78. kathcom

    The Bloggess is wise. And you look so good in that dress, I’m tempted to run out and buy one myself. (I also want to buy that OMNI poster.)

  79. Miguelina


    Don’t you love how a red dress makes you feel?

  80. Jen

    Lovely. Simply lovely. The leg hair I mean, I really didn’t even notice the dress.

  81. ingrid

    i cannot tell you how much i love this. 🙂

  82. Marie

    LOL, Neil–“I wanna be a hoochie mama and wear a red satin dress–oh yes!”

  83. Tina@Send Chocolate Now

    This is about the coolest thing I have seen on the Net, Neil. Way to go for the laugh.


  84. Warren

    I want one, too.

  85. Miss Grace

    This makes me smile.

  86. ANNENC7850

    I to a have agoraphobia and my first friend has sent me this. She is going to send me her red dress. I was not going to do it, but with ur pic and the courage it took for u have ur pic taken in a red dress, not to mention reading ur blog, I am going to do it. Although I’m not sure that the red dress was the perfect thing for me. I am thinking of what will be my red reds. I thought u might like to know that when I worked at Macy’s, I worked in seccruity. My friend called me on the radio and told me my mom was in the hose department finding some red nylons to wear for new years. Now u have to know, my mom was 90, living in apts for sen’s, but went to dances four times a week. Her 95 year old boyfriend, was a member of the Moose Lodge. They went to a dance every friday night there and had so much fun. So, she bought a red silk dress, red nylons and red pumps for NY’s one year. Some how, the news in our town got a pic of her dancing and so happy. So, if my Mom, who has never know about the red dress, figured out on her own to get the red dress she always wanted and had the time of her life at 90. She died a few years after that, telling me that she loved the life she had lived and her only regret was that she couldn’t live it over again. So, let us all get our “red dresses” no mater what they r and live life w/o regret and love life as much as my mom did.

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