Citizen of the Month

the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

Email from Roselyn in a Hong Kong Hospital

(An actual email I received today.  I’m sure you have received the same types of email.  Even though I know they are horribly manipulative, I always read them for the crazy stories.)

Dearest Love One,

I am Mrs Roselyn Kopaya, i am a 56 years old woman and a citizen of Romania. But i am a resident in Hong Kong through my late husband who was an hong kong man.

I was born an orphan and GOD blessed me abundantly with riches but no children.  And i am not a happy woman because, i have no husband and children.  As at now, i am seriously sick, i just came out from hospital back to my home.  I am suffering.  I can no longer talk and half of my body is paralysed.  The doctor say i have about two months to live. I send this email to you with the help of my private female nurse who is typing my request.  I have little time so, i have committed myself in spreading my wealth towards better health care for mankind in the hospital where i am, i have given the hospital management us$15 millions to upgrade and build a new research facility.   I have also made some cash donations to orphanage children in somalia, ethiopian, sudan and some in south africa.  I have succeded in spreading my liquid cash towards well deserved means.  My soul is happy.  What i am doing gives me joy.  I am now sharing my properties and valuables.

Morever, i dont know you but i am contacting you with the hope that, you will be able to carry out my wish for the sake of humanity.  I have the sum of us $15.6 million given to me by my late chinese husband.  The funds is deposited in a financial house. I want you to take custody of the funds and use it to build and operate orphanage house in your country or you can look for someone to operate it, if you are unable to operate it.   You will name the orphanage house Mrs Roselyn Kopaya Orphanage house.  You must follow my wish for it will gladen my heart.   If you are ready to do this and carry out my wish, then send me then informatrions below:

[1]Your Names,
[2]Your Phone And Fax Numbers,
[3]Your Residental Address,

My Lawyer will be in contact with you. May GOD guide us.

Send your reply along with your personal details only to this email

I await your reply.

My warm greetings
Mrs Roselyn Kopaya

my reply:

Dear Mrs. Roselyn Kopaya,

Thank you so much for thinking of me during your final days.  You are an inspiration to us all.  Surely this $15.6 million will go a long way in helping other orphans and further your legacy of good will towards humanity.

Let me be perfectly frank with you about my intitial intentions.  When I first read this email, my first instinct was completely selfish.   “Why not lie to this woman?” I asked myself, “I could tell her that I would follow her wishes of starting an orphanage, but then blow the millions of dollars on myself, using it for hedonistic activities.”

And then I thought about your uplifting story.  A poor orphan from a small town in Romania, who through hard work and dedication, grew into a successful and powerful businesswoman woman, who started a new life for herself in Hong Kong, finding true love with a caring and brilliant Chinese man.  You have experienced so much, and you still want to help others, despite the crippling illness that has stricken you at such a young age.

How could I take that money now?  I would be heartless.  This email has made me into a better man.  A better human being.   I would love to take this money to follow your wishes of starting this orphanage, but am I really the right person for this endeavor?  I am a lowly blogger, a writer, a wordsmith, without much experience in real-life business enterprises.  I would have no knowledge of starting an orphanage, or even know who to contact as associates to help me with the work.  Perhaps some of my blogging friends will be better suited for this honorable enterprise.  Enclosed are the names, phone numbers, and addresses of some other good-hearted bloggers, which I copied off of Facebook.

I sincerely you find the perfect custodian for your project.   God speed!

My warm greetings,
Neilochka

27 Comments

  1. You gave her my info? Bastard!

    I posted a similar exchange with a guy named Moike Jones who wanted to rent my condo: http://tinyurl.com/m9pqeb

    He was an ass.

  2. 🙂 Awwww…you probably brought that poor, suffering woman a nice smile today. You are so generous.

  3. I always write back and tell them that I’ve spoken to my attorney and he says I have to set my accounts up properly before I can accept the money — so I’ll need their contact information, social security number, credit card account information and mother’s maiden name. Funny, no one’s ever responded.

  4. i hope you didn’t start with the “A’s.”

  5. And if this is her Chinese husband’s money, shouldn’t the orphanage be in HIS name?

  6. I was basking in warms and fuzzies thinking, “This Neilochka cat is good people” and then I read your last sentence. Bastard! I SHAKE MY FIST AT YOU and hereby sentence you to the Stacy “Jurgen Nation” Campbell Gulag For Nefarious Wordsmiths. It is located in the bowels of Siberia.

  7. PS: I just need your social security number and banking information to reserve your spot.

  8. Surely, sainthood is in the cards. For one of you, anyway.

  9. You are the man. Wait a minute – *are* you The Man? Because passing the buck in such a “selfless and honorable” way is definitely a The Man move.

    Too funny.

  10. I know when I have millions of dollars, I always look for someone I’ve never met before to help me spend it.

  11. When I first read the part about her no longer being able to talk, I thought, “I guess she can still type, though.” But then I got to the part about her nurse typing the request and I was very confused.

  12. I hope you gave her my contact details.

  13. Maybe I should start actually reading my spam?

    Nah.

  14. Ah, you are much too generous, Neil!
    But I didn’t see the part where you offered to get into her pants.

  15. i don’t ever want to be so old or out of my mind or lonely that i fall for this sort of stuff. i get depressed thinking about old, lonely, crazy people having their life savings depleted, and, i repeat, i do not want to be one of them.

  16. Canya send the next spammer a copy of one of your penis posts?? PLEAAAAAASE?

  17. I think she also has a purebred puppy she can sell you, or one of your friends.

  18. Neil, you are one of a kind.

  19. You are a serious humanitarian, you need some kind of award…

  20. Today I found a new spam email in my inbox, which is not that unusual — except it was from Miss Roselyn Kopaya, now a 22 year old in Kenya!

    Dearest —

    How are you and the whether treating you over there? Firstly I thank you so much for you making out you precious time to listen to mine misfortunes of life. I am Miss Roselyn Kopaya, 22 years old, the only surviving daughter of late honourable kipkalya kones the former Kenyan road minister. Presently I am residing in refugee camp here in Ouagadougou Burkina Faso. Dearest please I am contacting you with the hope and beliefs that you will not turn me down rather you will help me out of this present predicament that I am passing through now. I am compelled to contact you based on the ill treatment given to, me by mine step mother and uncle, who after the death of mine father conspired and sold all that mine father has and shared the money between them. One early morning as I was cleaning mine fathers room I found a briefcase containing some important documents and I manage to read through them and discovered that mine father of beloved memory deposited a certain amount of money in a bank–

  21. Y’all are so skeptical! I’m sure that if I were dying in the hospital and had $15 million, that I, too, would contact random strangers in foreign countries to bequeath it to.

  22. that inspired an actual out loud chuckle from me. which almost never happens.

  23. Too much. Whenever I see these stories, I always think, who the hell falls for this crap. But then I watch a 20/20 story on…all the people that fall for this crap. I don’t know what is more disheartening, that scammers are so prevalent or that gullible people keep making the scams live on.

  24. May I be perfectly frank with you? Yes? Good. Absafuckinglutely awesome. Please tell me you really sent this. And that I may use it to 1) send via email and 2) adapt as necessary for use with telemarketers.

  25. wow that was amazing!
    you should choose a person who can handle or manage a home for the needy and not the one who want to handle your millions,at this time,it’s too hard to find a person who is sincere and kinda good as you are.Your too generous and for sure there’s a lot of people that might fool you or took advantage of that so be wise!

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