the writing and photography of Neil Kramer

Giving Head

I’ve written a lot lately on the difficulties of a man and a woman becoming platonic friends. This has been a theme throughout my life. In my experience, something always gets in the way.

After I graduated from Columbia, I moved into an apartment on 110th Street and Broadway. My roommate was Miyako, a female graduate student from Tokyo, who was studying physics. We quickly became good friends. She attended her first Passover seder at my home. She taught me to eat exotic sashimi. Our apartment was beautifully decorated with Japanese tea sets, woodblock prints from the Sosaku Hanga, and an authentic 19th Century nihontō Samurai sword on the wall, a gift from her uncle in Kyoto. There was no romance between us, only deep platonic friendship.

Things changed quickly when I met my Ellie. She was an exciting and sensual young woman from Connecticut. She opened up my mind and body to new pleasures. Before Ellie, I had never experienced oral sex. Ellie was obsessed with “giving head.” She love the passion, the vulnerability, and the control. Every morning I would wake up and find her already at work, slowly going up and down, hungrily taking me between her moistened lips, always totally in charge. As she pleasured me, she would stare at me with her beautiful, but foreboding, sky blue eyes, and I would be mesmerized, under her hypnotic gaze. She always had me at full attention, and I was her slave.

Ellie’s intense passion also had a dark side. She had an irrational hatred for Miyako. She was jealous of our platonic bond. Ellie wanted me only for herself.

One night, while Miyako was studying at the library, Ellie was giving me amazing head in the kitchen. As I leaned against the refrigerator, I noticed that there was something different in Ellie’s intensity. There was hatred in her eyes.

“You must kill Miyako. You must kill Miyako tonight!”

I tried to protest, but I was powerless. As she sucked my c*ck, I grew lightheaded, and all morality evaporated from my soul. I had no choice but to relent to her every whim. I needed to obey. I would kill my friend, Miyako.

At 11PM, Miyako returned from the library, drinking a cup of coffee from the Greek diner downstairs. Ellie hid in my room. I stood in the darkness of the foyer, the samurai sword from the wall gripped in my hand. I held the handle with such pressure that my veins felt like they were going to pop.

As Miyako stepped inside, she was humming a little tune. It was a Japanese children’s song about a little bird learning to fly. This was her favorite song. It was an innocent song, like Miyako herself. Like the innocence of a platonic friendship. The song touched my moral center. Is this what sexual desire does to a man — turns him into a craven murderer? Who was I? What had happened to that once nice Jewish boy? Had too much oral sex turned me into a monster?

“I cannot do it! No, I won’t kill you, Miyako!” I screamed.

Miyako turned, startled by the sight of me with the Samurai sword in my hand. She dropped the coffee cup onto the floor, the hot liquid spilling on the cold wood floor. She let out a silent scream. Ellie raced out of my bedroom, pulling at her long hair, her eyes angry at my betrayal.

“Do it!” she insisted. “Kill her. Kill her NOW!”

I glanced at Ellie, my beautiful lover. I turned to Miyako, a dear and trusting friend.

“Kill her. Kill her. Or I will kill her myself!” said Ellie.

Ellie lunged at Miyako, her jealous rage written all on her face.

“No!” I yelled. It was my final decree. I would close the chapter on this sexual, but horrific, chapter of my young life. I lifted the Samurai sword up high. The light from the track lighting in the kitchen refracted off the metal and I could see a mirror image of my determined face in the curved blade.

With one swoop, I swung the Samurai sword, decapitating Ellie.

For several minutes, Miyako and I stood in silence. What words could ever truly capture the terror on our faces? I took a deep breathe, taking in the life force, and eventually found enough reason to tell my tale to Miyako, from beginning to end. There was no catharsis in the re-telling of the murderous plot.

Miyako, being a good friend, was not concerned with the past. She was worried about me.

“You can get arrested for this.” she noted. “We need to get rid of the body.”

We gathered up the bloody body and the decapitated head and placed them in an old Japanese trunk that Miyako used as a changing bench in her bedroom. She told me of a lake in the Catskill Mountains where we could safely dispose of the body. We would drive there immediately, during the cover of night.

As we drove up through Westchester, the two of us had an emotional conversation. In one wild night, circumstances had brought us closer than ever before. We revealed that there was more to our relationship than just platonic feelings. Miyako admitted that when she went to the library at night, it was not to study, but out of jealousy. She could not bear to hear the sounds coming from our bedroom.

“What did she do to make you so content… so full of joy?” she asked, curiously. “Do you think I could ever make you so happy?”

It was at that moment, that I heard a faint voice coming from the trunk of the car.

“Giving head. Giving head. Giving head.”

It was the voice of Ellie. But how? Was my mind playing tricks on me?

“You don’t hear anything, do you?” I asked Miyako. “Like a voice from inside the trunk of the car?”

“Whose voice?”

“Ellie.”

Miyako laughed. She was a scientist.

“You mean a ghost?!”

Miyako always became argumentative whenever one of our friends brought up a subject like ESP, UFOs, religion or Bigfoot. If there was no empirical evidence, she thought it was hogwash.

I giggled along with Miyako. Of course she was right. Ellie was decapitated! The trauma of the evening was affecting my judgement. I was being silly.

“So, you never answered,” Miyako asks, returning to her question. “What DID you find so attractive about Ellie?”

I heard the voice once more.

“Giving head. Giving head. Giving head.”

I started to sweat profusely.

I slapped myself, trying to snap out of the craziness. Could it be… that Ellie’s chopped off HEAD was talking to me from inside the trunk?

Miyako still heard nothing. She pulled over next to an embankment looking out over Lananasee Lake, the car still running.

“We can dump her down there,” she said.

I nodded, but I wasn’t really paying attention. Ellie’s hypntoic voice was ringing in my ear.

“I know this is nuts, Miyako…” I said. “But can Ellie still be alive in there?”

Miyako grew petulant.

“I believe in global warming. I believe in evolution. I believe that one day the Mets might win another World Series. I don’t not believe in talking decapitated heads. And I’ll prove it to you…”

Miyako put on the brake and stepped out car.

“N-n-No!!” I stuttered, as I ran after her.

“Stop being a baby, Neil.” she said. “You’re a man, not a scaredy cat. I was so impressed the way you killed this horrible woman. And now you’re acting like a meek little girl afraid of her shadow.”

Her words stung like a poisoned arrow. She was right. I was born a man. A man shows no fear. A man is proud. A woman respects a man who looks danger in the eye.

Miyako opened up the hatchback of her car. Ellie’s voice grew louder.

“Giving head. Giving head. Giving head.”

The sound was deafening, but only I could hear it. Miyako grabbed the Japanese trunk and slid open the top open.

“There. See for yourself!” said Miyako.

I prayed to God, swallowed my fear, and looked inside. My eyes bulged in horror! It was empty! All that I could hear, all that I could think about was Ellie.

“Giving head. Giving head. Giving head.”

The voice was so close I could feel the breath on the back of my neck. I did a quick turn just as Miyako grabbed my hand in fear. In front of us was the headless Ellie. Under her arm, she carried her bloody, decapitated head, her eyes still alive, her mouth still moving.

“Giving head. Giving head. Giving head.”

Ellie moved the head towards the frightened Miyako. I ran to protect Miyako, but the Ellie pushed me aside, as only a scorned headless woman could do. Suddenly, the Samurai sword appeared in Ellie’s other hand, ready to be used. She approached Miyako, who was now frozen in fear.

I lifted myself up, stumbling against the car, aware that I could never make it to Miyako I time to save her. It was then that I felt the hum of the car engine against my arm, remembering that Miyako left the car running. I reached through the open window, pulled the gear to “Reverse,” and pressed the gas pedal with my hand. The car careened backwards.

“Miyako, move away!” I screamed.

Miyako awoke from her fearful slumber and shot to the side, just as the car smashed directly into Ellie, throwing both her and her screaming head off the cliff, and into the shallow depths of the lake, the car exploding on top of her.

“Giving HEAAAAADDDDD…”

A week later, Miyako moved out as my roommate. We never spoke again. Recently, she even refused to become my friend on Facebook, just proving how difficult it is for men and women to become friends.

Ellie’s body was recovered by the Dutchess County Police Department, but her head was never found.

Can Ellie’s head still be out there?

Men… be careful out there. Women can be dangerous.

Happy Halloween.

Truth quotient: Are you an idiot?

46 Comments

  1. leah

    yes.
    but not every day.

  2. Twenty Four At Heart

    You could write porn. Except the first time the Ellie voice talked after her head was chopped off? I burst out laughing and could not stop. Tears streaming down my face. That is the funniest post I’ve ever read!!
    Fabulous! Great job! Happy Halloween Neil!

  3. Frida/Marianne

    You are writing. Ergo you are not f**king crazy. Love it.

  4. headbang8

    Good head is worth it.

  5. V-Grrrl

    A scorned headless woman. ((shivers)) and someone who WON’T be your friend on Facebook–I won’t be able to sleep tonight.

  6. Lisa

    I was buying it up until the point she was giving you head every morning as you wake up. *snort*

  7. Meredith

    Such a prolific horror and porn writer. Your mother must be so proud.

  8. SciFi Dad

    I knew it was fiction as soon as you said she woke you up with a bj every morning.

    Still a great read though. Happy Halloween.

  9. sween

    Best quote: “as only a scorned headless woman could do”.

  10. Sarah

    I thoroughly enjoyed that! Thanks! πŸ™‚

  11. Moviequill

    That was so exciting I had to have a cigarette right after… and I don’t even smoke! But I can’t tell you whether I got off on the sexual reference or the sword play violence

  12. cog

    see, I was expecting a darker Shel Silverstein thing here.

  13. Finn

    Excellent — thank you!

  14. balou

    What a great spooky story for Halloween! Thanks!

  15. PAPA

    A BJ is nice in the morning…if it continues. My girfriend would always fall asleep. I would look at the clock. It’s 10:30! Get up!

  16. Kate Coveny Hood

    I love the Facebook ending. Great Halloween reading.

  17. Sammanthia

    I didn’t get much sleep last night, so I’ve been really tired and cranky. I drank 2 cups of coffee and waited for the caffeine buzz, but it never came. Then I read this. I’m awake now.

  18. Not Fainthearted

    Best Halloween story I’ve read in at least 30 years.

  19. Memarie Lane

    “you know, you could get arrested for this.”

    decapitation? you sure that’s a crime? i don’t think it’s even ticketable. πŸ˜›

  20. Juliness

    You get me every time! I always think you are serious at first and it takes me a paragraph or two to realize I am reading a story. And a great story at that. Thanks for the laugh today!

  21. Greeneyezz

    Ha!

    Good one. Well written.

    And a Spooktacular Halloween to you too. πŸ™‚

    ~ZZ

  22. Danny

    Excellent! However, I’d like to run it by your L.A. therapist–this story needs some serious unpacking!

  23. Geoff

    Great fun. Laughed out loud. Loved the Poe references too.

  24. Black Hockey Jesus

    AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWESOMMMMMMMEEEE.

    Dude I was laughing out loud – those good “I can’t believe this shit” laughs.

  25. Black Hockey Jesus

    It was so awesome that – look – my letters are spilling out the box. They can’t be contained.

  26. Fancy

    That was terrific!

    You’re right about women being dangerous, especially the passionate ones from Connecticut!

  27. Brilliant! I love this!

  28. Ginger

    Simply brilliant!

    Happy Halloween!

  29. Redneck Mommy

    Remind me never to give you head.

    Ouch.

  30. plain jane

    Evidently I am an idiot, you always sucker me for the first paragraph or two.

  31. teahouseblossom

    “Ellie pushed me aside, as only a scorned headless woman could do.”

    ROFL

  32. Annie

    Very clever Neil. Happy Halloween!

  33. scarlet hip

    For future reference, it’s actually spelled “cock.”

  34. an9ie

    A strangely compelling read πŸ˜‰ Bravo, Neil, bravo! *slow claps*

  35. maggie, dammit

    I’m calling the cops. Don’t leave the state.

  36. Stacey

    I knew it was fiction when you wrote she was an exciting and sensual young woman from Connecticut.

  37. Neil

    Stacey — that was the funniest line.

  38. Noel

    Westchester? Why would you go through Westchester, which is east of the Hudson, to go to the Catskills, which are west? That’s totally implausible.
    Everything else, however..

  39. heartache heartburn

    You are a genius. Truly!

  40. 180/360

    I hope you got some head for Halloween.

  41. mrsmogul

    Hmm I know this MIYAKO! My English friend used to date this Japanese girl and then one day he broke up with her (cause she was NUTS!!) and she told the police that he beat her so he ended up in jail for the day. WHAT A PSYCHO!!

  42. Lynnster

    That is so incredibly twisted, but I loved it.

    Happy late Halloween!

  43. kanani

    As usual, hilarious!

  44. Nancy

    ::: lights cigarette :::

    And I don’t even smoke.

  45. Loukia

    Wow…

  46. Ellie

    Yes, her head is still out there. πŸ˜‰

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