It is Wednesday, November 5. The 2008 Presidential Election is over. America had decided. And with this choice, there is a new America.
What will our country look like?
Let’s take a look at how that this fateful — and historic — Wednesday morning will look to the average taxpaying citizen, ME, depending on the outcome of the election.
Wednesday Morning (if McCain wins)
8:30 AM — I buy a newspaper. “McCain Wins” screams the headline! I enter McDonald’s and order a cup of coffee and an Egg McMuffin, but without the greasy sausage. The salesgirl charges me the full price.
9:40 AM — I shop in CVS Pharmacy for deodorant and new batteries for my camera. The stern Indian salesgirl, dressed frumpishly, asks for my CVS card. I say that I forgot it at home. She says the batteries were on sale, but I’m out of luck without the card.
10:24 AM — I check my email at home. I receive a angry diatribe from a female blogger insisting that I stop sending her photos of my naked body. “You are a sick man and should be imprisoned. One more photo and I am taking you off my blogroll!”
11:01 AM — Producer from LA calls up and says that my script is as “unfunny as a Geico commercial.” Besides, Hollywood is broke, so “don’t waste your time. Stick to blogging.”
11:12 AM — Sophia calls and says her Wii is not working. What should she do?
11:23 — I am depressed and see no future.
Wednesday Morning (if Obama wins)
8:30 AM — I buy a newspaper. “Obama Wins” screams the headline! I enter McDonald’s and order a cup of coffee and an Egg McMuffin, but without the greasy sausage. The salesgirl charges me fifty cents less, saying this it is only fair, since I am not ordering the full sandwich. The new motto of McDonald’s is “Caring for Our Customers.”
9:40 AM — I shop in CVS Pharmacy for deodorant and new batteries for my camera. The sexy Indian salesgirl, showing a lot of cleavage, asks for my CVS card. I say that I forgot it at home. “No problem.” she answers. “I’ll let you use my personal card. We’re all citizens of this great neighborhood!” She also throws a a free box of condoms into my bag, winking at me about the importance of ethnic groups “getting to know each other through interpersonal dialogue.”
10:24 AM — I check my email at home. I receive a lovely poem from a female blogger thanking me for “that great photo.” She has been feeling depressed lately, and my kindness has given her hope.
11:01 AM — Producer from LA calls up and says that my script is as “funny as one of those hilarious Geico commercials.” There is so much money flying around Hollywood, now that the economy has picked up, that there is a bidding war to make this movie.
11:12 AM — Sophia calls and says it isn’t fair that she gets to be the only one using the Wii. It is important to “share the wealth.” She is sending the system to me in New York for a month, so I can get a chance to play Wii Bowling too.
11:23 AM — There is a ring at the doorbell. It is the Indian girl from CVS Pharmacy. She is smiling seductively. “It is a time for unity between diverse people!” she says, as she takes off her top, revealing her ample bosom and her dark coffee skin.
As you know, I don’t like to discuss politics on this blog. I think voting is a personal decision, and I will not even give you a HINT about my choice of candidate. I just want to give you the FACTS. I hope that you analyze them carefully. Do everything you can before you vote to educate yourself — think, discuss, read intelligent blogs like this one — and then weigh the good and bad aspects of the two alternative Wednesdays that I described. And then ask yourself — which America sounds better?