Are your readers complaining that you never respond to their comments, or spreading mean-spirited rumors that you only email those female bloggers who can be seen on Flickr wearing tank-tops or extremely tight t-shirts that read “Fussy: writing well is the best revenge?” This plugin is for you.
Imaginary WordPress Plugin: Automatic Comment Respond-o-Meter
This WordPress plugin allows you to respond to your commenters automatically, bringing a human “touch” to your blog and making your readers feel as if the blog administrator really cares about their opinion rather than just their “hits”. Social media strategists and probloggers all agree that taking the time to “service” your reader will help you monetize your online property and increase you page views.
Automatic Comment Respond-o-Meter has 350 unique responses to every type of comment. Most responses are general enough that after publishing your blog, you can just go off to see a movie, and let the plug-in do all the work. Your readers won’t know a thing.
The 350 responses have been scientifically picked to be as broad, but as positive-oriented as possible, delivered randomly.
The blogger “response” will show up several minutes after the initial comment, at varying times, so it appears to the average reader to be written by a busy, but lovable human being, and not the plug-in bot. Gender set-up is done on the administrative page, as well as the level of “snark” that you want exhibited in your personal response.
This plugin requires a basic knowledge of HTML to modify your comment form.
Example of Use
comment: I loved this post. And it is so true what you say about American Idol. I’ll be glued to the screen tonight!
automatic response after three minutes: Thank you for that great comment. You are the best!
Other popular responses include:
“Have you seen the Wikipedia article on this subject? Fascinating!”
“Now I know why I chose you as my blog crush.”
“Can’t wait to see you at BlogHer!”
“I hate you. Only joking! I’m just jealous of how talented you are.”
“Dooce couldn’t have said it better.”
“That comment totally turned me on, baby.”
and the always useful, “Yes!!!”
Download the Automatic Comment Respond-o-Meter Plugin version 1.1 Beta
(For Imaginary WordPress 2.5+) Coming soon!
To install, unzip the files into your /wp- content/plugins/ folder. Then activate it under the Plugin menu in your WordPress admin.
If you want to modify the theme, it is extremely easy to do. Simply make all the necessary changes to the following:
<?php foreach ($comments as $comment) : ?>
<li <?php echo $oddcomment; ?>id=”comment-<?php comment_ID() ?>”>
<?php echo get_avatar( $comment, 32 ); ?>
<cite><?php comment_author_link() ?></cite> Says:
<?php if ($comment->comment_approved == ‘0′) : ?>
<em>Your comment is awaiting moderation.</em>
<?php endif; ?>
<small class=”commentmetadataresponse”><a href=”#comment-<?php comment_ID() ?>” title=””><?php comment_date(’F jS, Y’) ?> at <?php comment_time() ?></a> <?php edit_comment_link(’edit’,’ ‘,”); ?></small>
/* Changes every other comment to a different class */
$oddcomment = ( empty( $oddcommentresponse ) ) ? ‘class=”alt” ‘ : ”;
<?php endforeach; /* end for each comment */ ?>